Thursday, December 29, 2005

'05 is a wrap

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Happy new Year people! 2006 is the Chinese year of the dog. I don't know what that means, but dogs are awesome, so hopefully '06 will be awesome as well. I'll be off until next week, as I am going east to celebrate. Some of my goals for the new year are:

- eat well, get healthy
-quit smoking
-stay sober

But until the new year, I plan on doing the exact opposite. Happy New Year! See you all in 2006!

Picture Of The Day

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This gives me so much new material for my nightmares. Just look at the bags under Oscar's eyes. He hasn't slept in months.

Patrick Swayze Working With Rap

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After years of being indirectly involved with Hip-Hop music, actor/pop singer Patrick Swayze is finally experimenting with rap music.

Swayze recently said he was experimenting with “rap rhythms as an emotional undercurrent for ballads."

The 53-year-old Swayze had a massive hit with the song "She's Like The Wind" from the soundtrack to the film "Dirty Dancing" in 1987."

The song is one of the most played songs in the history of radio and helped the Dirty Dancing soundtrack sell over 11 million records.

Hip-Hop fans are familiar with Swayze, who has starred in such classic movies as "Red Dawn," "Roadhouse," "The Outsiders" and "Ghost."

Swayze's last name has been used as Hip-Hop slang since the early 1990s, when EPMD popularized the term on various albums.

In U.S. rap vernacular, the term "Swayze" means to "leave" or "disappear," cleverly derived from the title of his 1990 hit film "Ghost."

Swayze resurfaced in the rap world again in 2002, when he starred as an aggressive FBI agent named "Detective Fitzgerald" in Ja Rule's video "Reign," taken from Ja's The Last Temptation album.

The controversial video came during an actual federal investigation of The Inc.’s Irv and Chris Lorenzo for money laundering, charges the brothers were eventually acquitted of.

Swayze, who has a role in the new flick "Keeping Mum," did not peg a release date on his new material.

Swazye is currently filming "Fox and The Hound II."


(Article found HERE. Thanks Mantis!)


All Things Yeti

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You gotta love the Yeti. To some he's a elusive mythical creature like the Chupacabra. To me, he's the undiscovered monkey science has yet to find. And as I am a fan of all things paranormal, I had to share this.

This is a site that has tons of stuff about the Sasquatch, all presented in a ADD format very much to my liking. there is so much here that even the most jaded Yetiphiles amongst you will undoubtedly learn something. Check it out:

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(Click pic for more Yeti!)

Tokusatsu Goodness

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Many years ago, my old roommate Yadig showed me a video called "Sword of The Ninja" that came with an action figure. The movie told the story of Shishimaru, a young man in Feudal Japan who would transform into Lion Maru (see below) with the aid of a magic sword. Lion Maru would fight the Devil Gozun with the aid of his friends and use a magical flute to summon Hikarimaru, a white pegasus.


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(Click pic for more on Lion Maru!)

In short, it was the best fucking movie I've ever seen. Spectacularly bad FX, a crazy non-sensical plot, and the best (worst) overdubs I've ever heard. Not to mention flying ninjas and craptacular pyrotechincs. I would literally fight a feral bobcat to watch it again.

Since seeing Lion Maru, I started reading about Tokusatsu, which is the Japanese term for Special effects that is used to classify
live-action sci-fi/fantasy/horror movie/TV productions. Great sites like Japanhero have aided in my quest for knowledge of the greatest television genre ever. And I've been on a mission to find clips ever since.

So thanks to Google video, I found two episodes of "Kamen Rider Black" last night. Rather than explain the show, read this to get an idea of what to expect:

"Kamen Rider Black's combat techniques are "Rider Chop", "Rider Punch" and "Rider Kick". He can also fire a burst of energy from his belt called "King Stone Flash". His other powers include "Complex Eyes", eyes glow red and allow him to see in the dark. "'Power Stipes", yellow-red-yellow bands on his neck, wrists and ankles glow as energy is projeted to rebel webs and other sticky fluids used against him by the Gorgom monsters. "Super Ear", triangular structures on both sides of his head will glow purple, allows him to hear sounds, such as cries for help, from far away."

Now if that didn't sell you, I don't know what will...

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(Click Pic to watch episodes!)



Friday, December 23, 2005

Picture Of The Day

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Happy Holidays! See you all after annual gift giving day!

Jacko, meet Jacko

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Dear little Jacko, you could learn some things from future Jacko. First, retire after Thriller. That way you go out a legend. Also, avoid surgeons and having pedophilic sex with little boys. Otherwise you'll end up looking like a Cambodian Drag King living in Bharain with Jermaine and Tito constantly hitting you up for mall money.

Chuck Norris- Karate Commando

Wow. I thought I saw every cartoon worth watching in the 80's. I guess I missed this gem.

Imagine Gi Joe except Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow have morphed into mustached face smashing icon Chuck Norris.

All hail Chuck!

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(Click Pic to watch!)


..And for more Chuck Norris related videos, go HERE..


What NOT to buy me for Christmas

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(Click pic for more info on the shittiest hat ever)

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Picture Of The Day

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I put my money on the red team. It just looks like their hearts are in it a bit more than the other midgets.

Chewbacca Sings "Silent Night"

This is a fantastic YTMND site featuring Chewbacca singing for the holidays. Not only is it a great rendition, it's an excuse to post one of my favorite pictures:

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(Click pic to listen!)

(Thanks Tom!)

Really, Really Stupid Dog

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I own four Cocker Spaniels. And I've seen some them do some incredibly stupid things. I was convinced they were the dumbest dogs of all time.

I stand corrected. The dog in this video is without a doubt the most retarded canine on Earth.

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(Click Pic To Watch!)

Scariest Robot Story of All Time

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So I was talking with Bourbonbird the other night, and was going off about why robots are evil and in the future will kill us all, and remembered the following article. Read it and weep, meat units:

Robot on the run

By Dave Higgens, London
June 20 2002

Scientists running a pioneering experiment with "living robots" which think for themselves said they were amazed to find one escaping from the centre where it "lives".

The small unit, called Gaak, was one of 12 taking part in a "survival of the fittest" test at the Magna science centre in Rotherham, South Yorkshire, which has been running since March.

Gaak made its bid for freedom yesterday after it had been taken out of the arena where hundreds of visitors watch the machines learning as they do daily battle for minor repairs.

Professor Noel Sharkey said he turned his back on the drone and returned 15 minutes later to find it had forced its way out of the small make-shift paddock it was being kept in.

He later found it had travelled down an access slope, through the front door of the centre and was eventually discovered at the main entrance to the car park when a visitor nearly flattened it with his car.

Sharkey said: "Since the experiment went live in March they have all learned a significant amount and are becoming more intelligent by the day but the fact that it had ability to navigate itself out of the building and along the concrete floor to the gates has surprised us all."

And he added: "But there's no need to worry, as although they can escape they are perfectly harmless and won't be taking over just yet."

Motorist Dan Lowthorpe, 27, from Sheffield, who nearly prematurely terminated Gaak said: "I have visited Magna a couple of times in the past but came on this occasion especially to see the new robots.

"You can imagine how surprised I was when I nearly ran over one on my way in. I knew the robots interacted with each but didn't expect to be personally greeted by one."

(found HERE. Also, for more robot-induced terror read this article about a robot gaining self-awareness in a lab)

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Picture Of The Day

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It's still real to me, dammit!

Super wrestling fan breaks down in tears of appreciation. (KD and Matty, this one's for you!)

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(Click pic to watch!)

Running horse vs. Brazilian reporter

Oh man, I have watched this so many times today....ouch.

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(Click pic to watch!)


Bendy Woman

Wow. this lady is super flexible. She should marry David Elsewhere and have jelly fish octopus children with no bones.

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(Click pic to watch!)

(via M&C)

Stalin's army of man apes

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Stalin's half-man, half-ape super-warriors

The Soviet dictator Josef Stalin ordered the creation of Planet of the Apes-style warriors by crossing humans with apes, according to recently uncovered secret documents.

Moscow archives show that in the mid-1920s Russia's top animal breeding scientist, Ilya Ivanov, was ordered to turn his skills from horse and animal work to the quest for a super-warrior.

According to Moscow newspapers, Stalin told the scientist: "I want a new invincible human being, insensitive to pain, resistant and indifferent about the quality of food they eat."

In 1926 the Politburo in Moscow passed the request to the Academy of Science with the order to build a "living war machine". The order came at a time when the Soviet Union was embarked on a crusade to turn the world upside down, with social engineering seen as a partner to industrialisation: new cities, architecture, and a new egalitarian society were being created.

The Soviet authorities were struggling to rebuild the Red Army after bruising wars.

And there was intense pressure to find a new labour force, particularly one that would not complain, with Russia about to embark on its first Five-Year Plan for fast-track industrialisation.

Mr Ivanov was highly regarded. He had established his reputation under the Tsar when in 1901 he established the world's first centre for the artificial insemination of racehorses.

Mr Ivanov's ideas were music to the ears of Soviet planners and in 1926 he was dispatched to West Africa with $200,000 to conduct his first experiment in impregnating chimpanzees.

Meanwhile, a centre for the experiments was set up in Georgia - Stalin's birthplace - for the apes to be raised.

Mr Ivanov's experiments, unsurprisingly from what we now know, were a total failure. He returned to the Soviet Union, only to see experiments in Georgia to use monkey sperm in human volunteers similarly fail.

A final attempt to persuade a Cuban heiress to lend some of her monkeys for further experiments reached American ears, with the New York Times reporting on the story, and she dropped the idea amid the uproar.

Mr Ivanov was now in disgrace. His were not the only experiments going wrong: the plan to collectivise farms ended in the 1932 famine in which at least four million died.

For his expensive failure, he was sentenced to five years' jail, which was later commuted to five years' exile in the Central Asian republic of Kazakhstan in 1931. A year later he died, reportedly after falling sick while standing on a freezing railway platform.


(Article Via Boing Boing)

President of Snizz

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Cocaine plants to be legalised by the first home-grown President

Five centuries of white rule in Bolivia have ended with the election of the country’s first indigenous head of state.

Evo Morales, of the Movement towards Socialism (MAS), won more than 50 per cent of the vote in Sunday’s election, far outstripping all predictions.

Se├▒or Morales, who used to lead a coca-growers’ union, has promised to legalise the cultivation of coca, the primary ingredient in cocaine — to the horror of the US, which has pursued a big coca eradication effort in Bolivia in recent years. Bolivia is the world’s third largest producer of cocaine.


(Read the whole article HERE)

Monday, December 19, 2005

Picture Of The Day

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Man, I would kill for a slice of that ham.


(thanks Mog!)

Mexican singer falls down, go boom

Mr. Awesome put me onto this clip, and I can't help but enjoy this man's obvious pain. In the clip, Mexican singer Juan Gabriel does a silly dance, leading to his tripping over his own feet, leading to his falling backwards hard on the floor and off the stage. But Juan, honestly? That's what you get for dancing like that. God had just about enough of your sassy feet and decided to bring the ruckus.

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(Click pic to watch!)


And while I'm at it, here are a few hononable mentions...

One of Destiny's Children takes a wicked faceplant live on TV..So cold how her girls don't have her back at all..

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(Click to watch!)

And a probably-drunk Kelsey Grammar wrecks himself while being a pompous ass...Best follow up pain moans ever.

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(Click to watch!)


Morning Musume vs. Bob Sapp

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Japan, somehow you keep making me fall in love with you more and more every day.

This is a clip of Japanese Pop group Morning Musume (as previously posted) playing some crazy game involving running around and grabbing foam balls attached to American nutter Bob Sapp. Honestly, need I say more?

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(Click Bob Sapp to watch!)


Drunken Santas run riot in Auckland

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WELLINGTON, New Zealand (AP) -- A group of 40 people dressed in Santa Claus outfits, many of them drunk, went on a rampage through Auckland, New Zealand's largest city, robbing stores, assaulting security guards and urinating from highway overpasses, police said Sunday.

The rampage, dubbed "Santarchy," began early Saturday afternoon when the men, wearing ill-fitting Santa costumes, threw beer bottles and urinated on cars from an overpass, said Auckland Central Police spokesman Noreen Hegarty.

She said the men then rushed through a central city park, overturning garbage containers, throwing bottles at passing cars and spraying graffiti on office buildings.

One man climbed the mooring line of a cruise ship before being ordered down by the captain. Other Santas, objecting when the man was arrested, attacked security staff, who were later treated by paramedics, Hegarty said.

The remaining Santas entered another downtown convenience store and carried off beer and soft drinks.

"They came in, said 'Merry Christmas' and then helped themselves," store owner Changa Manakynda said.

Two security guards were treated for cuts after being struck by beer bottles, Hegarty said. Three people, including the man who climbed on the cruise ship, were arrested and charged with drunkenness and disorderly behavior.

Alex Dyer, a spokesman for the group, said Santarchy was a worldwide movement designed to protest the commercialization of Christmas.

(From CNN link)

Friday, December 16, 2005

Picture Of The Day

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best....waterslide....EVER!


(found HERE. Anyone speak French?)

Sushi Etiquette Guide

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I don't particularily dig Sushi, but this video is hillarious and well worth watching. It's a very well done spoof on the elaborate art of eating Sushi...Man, I never knew there was so much involved in eating little pieces of raw fish..

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(Click Pic to watch!)


(Thanks Gabe!)

Takeshi's Castle Clips

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I'm sure you've all seen the show MXC (Most Extreme Elimination Challenge) on Spike. This clip is from the Japanese game show they overdub.

The original show is called Takeshi's Castle. I don't know the story behind the show, and frankly could care less. This video is 9 minutes of footage with lots and lots of people slipping, falling down, and presumably hurting themselves. All of which makes me smile till it hurts my face.

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(Click pic to watch!)


(For more clips and media from the show, go HERE)

Finally it's over!!!!!!

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Today is my last day of official school until next year! And I am spent. I've logged enough hours at the keyboard writing papers to earn myself a sweet case of scoliosis. And my vicious neck beard makes me look like I've been writing an anti-technology manifesto in the woods like the Unabomber. So if you're reading this, thanks God. I'm glad it's done. My brain can't take anymore useful information. I can't wait to forget everything I learned through relentless marathons of television, video games, and non-thinking. Damnit, I feel so good I might just get up and do my happy dance..

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Thursday, December 15, 2005

King Kong: A Movie Review

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Saw King Kong last night. Here's my in depth review:

Pros:
  • It has a Goddamned 25-foot monkey in it.
  • Said monkey fights fucking Dinosaurs 4 at a time.
  • CGI is off the meat rack. Kong looks exactly like a Giant Killer Gorilla in real life.
  • Jack Black is an asshole in it.
  • NYC literally gets monkey stomped.
  • Lots of people die in suprisingly violent and awesome ways.
Cons:
  • No giant monkeys appear till at least an hour into the movie.
  • Mumbling. Someone needs to get Adrian Brody a Red Bull.
  • Over the top screaming. We get it, Naomi. You're scared. Take it down a peg.
  • Gratuitous depictions of human-on-monkey crime.
  • It's 57 and a half hours long.

That being said, it's totally worth watching. I think Peter Jackson lost all that weight through years of blood, sweat, and tears. This movie is colossal. 200 million dollars buys you one hell of a monkey flick. Just make sure to bring a bag of ritalin and a pillow for your ass, and you're all set. I can't wait for the sequel!


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Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Picture Of The Day

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I posted this last year, but couldn't resist sharing it again. Consider it an early Christmas card to all of you. Happy holidays.

Bacon Cooking Alarm Clock

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No, really. It's a BACON COOKING ALARM CLOCK. God, I wish Amazon had this. I'd be on it like Kate Moss on Cocaine.

(via J-Walk)

Gunther's Christmas Song (Ding Dong)

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"Gunther is a 29 years old gentleman style 2000 in his best years. Gunther is a true European, his origin is Sweden but he sees himself as a global citizen."

You might remember Gunther from the fantastic "Tra La La" song a while back. (If you haven't seen that, watch it HERE.) Well the mulleted Euro
Pleasureman Gunther is set to have the biggest smash-hit of the summer with his fantastic debut single 'Ding Dong Song'. This video made my otherwise boring day much more enjoyable. And it definetely made me want to buy new sunglasses.

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(Click Pic to watch!)

MC Jelly D

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This is footage of a guy dressed as a jelly donut totally sonning people in a freestyle battle. watch as he uses clever pastry metaphors to crush and destroy all the competition.

The best part is that he's pretty damn good, and looks no less ridiculous than 99% of the rappers I see on the idiot box every day..


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(click pic to watch!)


(thanks Gabe!)

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Where to get an X-Box 360 this weekend!

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So I signed up for this service (notify360.com) and I was just informed about the next shipment of X-Boxes coming in. Not enough people actually read this blog for me to be worried that I'll have to fight nerds in my hometown in line, so I think it's safe to share the info with anyone who might be interested. Plus this info is all over the net, so I'm sufficently protected from my fellow gamer wrath.

Best Buy is getting shipments in on the 16th, and they go on sale on the 18th. First, go HERE and enter your zip to find the corresponding store number. Then
in order to find out how many each specific store is getting go HERE. Then wait in line with your fellow nerd brothers and sisters on Sunday morning regardless of the elements.

I figure if I don't get one, this post will set me up for a sweet geek follow up rant. And for those of you living in my town: Watch your backs, nerds. I'll be in line as soon as the store opens. And I am definitely not
a morning person. Here's an artist rendition of what to expect:


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Picture Of The Day

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I just finished a field research project where I watched public behavior with mall Santas and thought I'd post this. Unfortunately the Santa I watched looked nothing like this guy. I think the girl on the left is getting drunk off his breath.

Crazy Ass Lady From Trading Spaces

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Ok. I really need to watch Trading Spouses more often. I had heard about this lady named Marguerite Perrin who went on the show a while back and yelled about god and gargoyles and had no teeth, and made a mental note to find footage. Then I forgot. Luckily Dr. Nanda sent me a video link.

Oh my sweet lord in heaven this lady is crazy. Watch the 6 minute video of her below and enjoy the insanity. Here are a few memorable quotes:

"I'm a God warrior!"

"I speak that into existence, every one of them. I've planted that seed and I will see the harvest!"

"Gargoyles! Psychics!"

"Everything's ungodly! Dark-sided!!"


This lady is the fucking best. Fox kicks ass when it's not busy being evil.

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(Click Pic to watch!)

(Thanks Gabe!)