Thursday, December 21, 2006

Back On the Blognog

jimmy answer me

Man, sorry for the post shortage. There's a reason. Work, brain hurts, internet is empty. Take your pick. They all do the job. I'll try and make it up to you by nerding my interweb tranceiver the fuck out over the next few days.

I hope everyone's pre-holiday week is going swimmingly. I've been spending the week thinking about Christmas. ( Actually Christmas presents.) That and I've been working like one of those slave kids in the Mine in Indiana Jones Temple of Doom.

So judging by the dry link selection, I think the internet went on early vacation..But here are some holiday related links (some old, some new) to hold you over till I get some more fresh crap to hurl at you.



And here's a Santa Monkey:

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and here's another:

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And here are some Space Monkeys that look kind of Christmasy to me for some reason:

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And here's a series of clips from my new favorite unintentionally-horrifying holiday movie, K. Gordon Murray's 1959 "Santa Claus And The Devil":



and you can watch the whole amazing monstrosity HERE.

Well that's it for now. I Hope everyone gets the complimentary K-Fed Cd I sent them as a heart felt thank you for reading this year. And don't forget, M4H shirts! And I hope, hope, hope I finally wake up on the 25th to the monkey butler I ask for every year.

PS: Just in time for the new year, I'm working on an special Asshole Battle '06 roundup. Any suggestions for contestants are more than welcome.

Happy Holidays!

ojham5wh

Monday, December 18, 2006

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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Bruce Lee, telemarketing black belt.

Iron Sheik Vs. Kramer

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The Iron Sheik has dun dunnit again. And this time, he's aimed his weapons of English destruction at Michael Richards. That's right, Kramer. You're in deep camel shit now, bro. Did you think the Sheik wouldn't find out about your naughty shenanigans? Well he did. And he has some profanity-laden english butchering dedicated just to you.

A few things worth noting:

A good 75% of it is incomprehensible.

He calls Michael Richards Kramer throughout the entire video, even though that's not his name.

And at 2:41, he actually threatens to sodomize him.



Pow!! Iron Sheik Style!!

(Thanks Lodi!)

Museum Of Kitschy Stitches

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Retro rules my strange distorted reality, and there is not nearly enough internet love devoted to the fantastically jazzy awesomeness of the clothing of yesteryear.

The Museum of Kitschy Stitches has answered the call. Just take a gander at this tall drink of polluted water:

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His hair reminds me of when I'm too broke to get a haircut and accidentally use too much conditioner and its a windy morning on the way to the subway. Poofed the fuck out. I probably also like this pic because his suit has the same hideous quality of the background color on this website. I suppose colors that make my skin crawl make my brain smile.

Anyway, the site is chock full of old school fresh gear. It's going on my blogroll. Because any site dedicated to people wearing clothing that looks like muppets spontaneously combusted on them is A-Ok in my book.

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(Click pic for site!)

Avenging Unicorn

I know what I want for Christmas:

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Fan fucking tastic. It was supposedly influenced by this Perry Bible Fellowship cartoon:

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Check the product out HERE..with an explanation..

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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Why. Why. Why is Jon Bon Jovi on a plane holding a hammer. I seriously think I'll lose sleep over this. I haven't been this confused since the kid in the tuxedo holding the sewing machine fiasco.

(via Yayhooray)

M4H Merch!

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Please, to all readers of M4H, allow me to shamelessly plug the crap out of my new T-shirts. A while back, someone said to me, "Hey, Recon! You know what? You should make some t-shirts." Now whether or not that actually happened is irrelevant. What is important is that I made them. (actually I didn't make anything except the logo.) But that's not important either. What is important is that you be the first (and most likely last) person on your block to own a totally Boss M4H shirt/mug/other thing. Trust me. The gnomes inside the internet that are putting these together did good. Check this bad boy out!

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Man that's cool. I'm going to buy one, wear it, then steal it from myself just so I can have it twice. Perfect for X-Mas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, Bachelor Parties, boxcar socials, raves, funerals, or any other event. If you want one go HERE. I'll put up a permalink later.

In all seriousness, thank you all for your readership, and support. With your help the team of spider monkeys that live in my apartment will have enough macaroni and Fresca to make it through the winter. Now back to your scheduled program.

DJ Shadow In Tune, On Time Live Set

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I'm a big fan of DJ Shadow, and IMO this video is proof that he is one of the sickest producers and DJ's of all time. If you don't know the guy, watch. If you do, you'll really dig this. It's an hour long live set of him performing one of his latest CD's, "In Tune, On Time" which is basically a live performance/remix of many of his previous works. Man this video made my day.



(via Videosift)

Mori Chack's Gloomy Bear

I found this picture on an LJ feed yesterday, and immediately wanted to know where the hell it was from:

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It's from Japanese artist Mori Chack's line of Chax. It's called Gloomy Bear. "Mori Chack believes that humans and animals are incompatible, and an animal is wild by nature. This is expressed most pronouncedly by the Gloomy Bear, which is often shown blood stained and striking humans." (Wiki)

WTF? How awesome is that for a cartoon idea? I wish I could get this. Annual gift giving man, make it so!

(for more on Mori Chak and the world of Gloomy Bear, read THIS.)

Not A Clowncar

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Snow Lizard Monkey? Meet Ultraman

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In light of it being winter, this video seemed fitting to share with you. Instead of trying to explain it, try to imagine you have the flu, and just spent the whole night watching Empire Strikes Back dubbed in Japanese while semi-hallucinating off of cold medication. This is probably what your dream would look like.



Snow lizard monkeys are the new black.

(via the always awesome TV In Japan)

40 Best Celebrity Rumors Ever

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I love rumors that have no basis in reality. And while I worship at the godless cult of celebrity alongside the rest of the known world, I also enjoy spreading slanderous myth about them as often as possible. It's really all about context. With the right amount of random details, any rumor can be believable. In fact, I think I'll start a one right now.

I bumped into someone this past weekend who knows this Native American guy who went to school with someone who did coke with this girl at a party who was a big-time Hollywood hairdresser on the set of MI3. She told them that Tom Cruise has a gay sex android he paid 1 million dollars for he bought from a secret Tokyo AI boutique for the uber-rich.

You see, it's easy.

Here's a list of the best rumors about celebrities from over the years. My favorite is #4. I totally believed it, and I think part of me still does.

Mikey died from eating Pop Rocks and soda

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"Remember Mikey, the little advertising mascot kid who liked Life cereal? "Mikey likes it," and all that? Presumably, Mikey, though he liked Life cereal, was not as much a fan of exploding. Luckily, contrary to popular opinion, John "Mikey" Gilchrist did not explode after eating Pop Rocks and chugging a Coke, and the combo of Pop Rocks and soda isn't deadly - although it may cause you to lose your lunch. The rumor will probably never go away, but Mikey is alive and well, as you can read in this transcript of a 2000 CNN piece including the ex-cereal enthusiast. - JW"

Check out the whole list HERE.

(via Gorillamask)

Monday, December 11, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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Raptor Jesus is all about the Chuck Taylor All Stars.

Bubba Hog For President

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For all the links that hover in the realm of mediocrity, there are those stand out few. Rarely does my jaded internet pulse get raised. This is one of those moments.

If you took the machine that made the hot chick in "Weird Science" and put a case of Meister Brau and a Motorhead CD in it, Bubba Hog would come out partying like it was New Years Eve, 1983. Watch Bubba let the fucking dogs out at a Razorback game. This guy's dance moves are like an early gift under the tree. Merry Christmas, Recon. Love, internet.



(via Attu)

Wii Meets Rick James



What did the five fingers say to the face?


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SLAP!!

Toy Story Requiem, Mary Poppins remix

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Many nerd bananas due to the netmasters who remixed "Toy Story" with "Requiem For A Dream"..



And check this horror re-cut of Marry Poppins..so good!


Switzerland For Helping

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Holy crap. The new Swiss army knife is completely bananas. It has 85 devices, and weighs 2 pounds. It has a cigar cutter, and a even a god damned laser pointer! Check this mother out:

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(Click pic for article!)


An Early Holiday Greeting

notthefather

Monday, December 04, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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It's like I always say, never ever turn your back on a robot.

Dschingis Khan- Moskau.. With "Translations"



If you've read M4H for a while, you probably know I have an unhealthy obsession with the D to the fucking K. That being said, someone wrote silly english "translations" of the smash hit Moskau. Enjoy.

(and here's another translated version of DK's "Dshinghis Khan")

Benny Hinn is so going to hell

Jimmy Swaggart

I personally think televangelism is pretty ridiculous, but I don't claim to know a lot about it so I assume some of it might have value. But I'm pretty sure that Benny fucking Hinn is not one of those people doing good things.

(For a revealing glimpse into his totally shady empire of greed in the name of god, watch this NBC expose HERE and HERE.)

And of course, this Benny Hinn classic:



After watching that, I was pretty convinced the guy was faking jacks in the name of the J man. But what makes me think he's definitely on his way to the hot place is this:

Benny Hinn is currently soliciting donations from his followers for a private jet.

Yes. A private fucking jet. Hard to believe, but read about it HERE.

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Are you serious? God dammit, God! Would you please just go ahead and damn this man already! I wish Jesus would come back just so he could lay the smackdown on this douchebag. Honestly, someone who is all about the Trump combover and blinging his bloated life out with people's hard earned money is not someone I would put much faith in. Here's a little excerpt from the site:

"Purchasing this incredible ministry tool is monumental and historic. We have never bought any plane with this much range or capability that will crisscross the globe repeatedly so I can present the Gospel in person to unprecedented millions of precious souls who will accept and come to know our wonderful Jesus as their eternal Savior.

Now is the time to move forward with Dove One. What we do for the sake of the Gospel, we must do now!

I ask you to prayerfully read the brochure I have enclosed. I am praying that the Lord will speak to you to be one of 6,000 partners who will give $1,000 now or in the next ninety days to cover the remainder of the $6 million down payment for this powerful ministry tool for evangelism."

Good god that is so wrong. Hence, the title of this post. Let's just hope that his followers have a limit to their insanity. Benny, I have just one thing to say:

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I have a question: If Jesus did come back, what do you think he'd use to get around?

(via linkfilter)

"Yo!" Hey!" and other Rocky classics



I'm pretty sure this has every yo! and hey! from the first Rocky. Pretty entertaining. And it has "Eye of the Tiger" in it, so why wouldn't you watch it? What I'd really like to see is a montage of the anti-Communist propaganda from Rocky IV. Oh wait, that would be the whole movie. Nevermind.

(via Gorillamask)

40 Facts About Sleep

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- Humans sleep on average around three hours less than other primates like chimps, rhesus monkeys, squirrel monkeys and baboons, all of whom sleep for 10 hours.

- Scientists have not been able to explain a 1998 study showing a bright light shone on the backs of human knees can reset the brain's sleep-wake clock.

-Anything less than five minutes to fall asleep at night means you're sleep deprived. The ideal is between 10 and 15 minutes, meaning you're still tired enough to sleep deeply, but not so exhausted you feel sleepy by day.

- Elephants sleep standing up during non-REM sleep, but lie down for REM sleep.

They forgot to add "sleep, that's where I'm a viking!" but don't worry, I wrote a stern letter petitioning for future inclusion..Check out all the facts HERE.

(via Cynical-C)

Strange Guitars

angelo

I started playing guitar when I was 13, and I admit I used to be a wicked metal nerd. (Say what you will about their hairstyles, those fuckers know how to shred.) Anyhow, I figured I'd post a few recent guitar links I stumbled across on my geek travels...

Behold, the "NES Paul". Holy crapshit. It rocks so hard I just got tinnitus looking at it.

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(click pic for link!)

And the award for most unsettling guitar goes to Lou Reimuller, who in 86 took a mannequin and made a guitar that looks like a teenage girl. Seriously Lou, how long have you been telling the ladies to put the lotion in the basket? Yikes.

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(click pic for link!)

And here is a collection of more strange guitars..including my personal favorite, "The Wangcaster"..

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(click pic for link!)

And for those of you who want to know what the deal is with that silly looking gentleman with the four-neck guitar, here's a video of him shredding the crap out of one of the ugliest guitars I've ever seen. Bear witness to the hair/speed/guitar/fashion power of Michael Angelo!



(links via Boing Boing, Destructoid)

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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I would, but It looks like someone already took care of you.

Ego Clash: Aleksey Vayner Vs. Brian Atene

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As I've been infected by a slight case of blogslack, these two guys slipped through my nerd fingers over the past few weeks. I'm truly stumped by this one. I can't decide which of them has the biggest ego. Maybe you can help me decide. Either way, it's an excuse to post their awesome stories.

Aleksey Vayner

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I'm pretty sure this guy comes up in the triple digits when you google the word asshole. At least he should. It's like he's a quigi board channeling the ghost of Douche Bag's past. Here's the basic story: Aleksey was a Yale student that sent around a video resume chock full of ridiculous lies and questionable physical "feats" to a company with the tag line "Impossible Is Nothing." The video was so absurd it became instant viral material. Here are some of Vayner's apparent claims:

He was employed by both the Mafia and the CIA during his childhood.

The Dalai Lama had apparently written his college recommendation.

He has killed two dozen men in Tibetan gladiatorial contests.

He claimed that he "is one of four people in the state of Connecticut qualified to handle nuclear waste".

And the list goes on and on. For more on Vayner go HERE and HERE and HERE. And here my friends is the infamous video. Enjoy.



Brian Atene

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"Good day, Mr. Kubrick." And so it begins, the acting tape that caught the attention of the world. But clearly the world wasn't ready for the acting skills of Brian Atene. Mr. Atene sent a video to Stanley Kubrick in 1984 when he was seeking talented young actors for Full Metal Jacket. Suffice it to say, Brian didn't make the cut. But with quotes like "You will find in me the finest actor of the lot, the most beautifully trained, the most capable", it's no wonder he didn't get his chance. In the video he delivers one of the worst performances I've ever seen. His overacting is truly in a category all by itself. Not since Darrel Bluett have I felt so incredibly bad for someone attempting to impress an audience.

Since the video, people have come forward claiming to be Atene, and further complicated the story. For more on Atene, go HERE and HERE. And here is the video that started it all...



So who do you think takes the prize? I'm leaning towards Vayner. But you gotta give some credit to Atene..the guy actually tried to act whereas Vayner pretty much lied about everything in his vid. Man, this is hard!! But I suppose we all win when assholes of this caliber allow us a glimpse into their deluded worlds. What do you think?

The Wilhelm Scream

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As soon as I heard it, it I instantly recognized it. Funny how Hollwood cuts corners...from Panopticist:

"In 1951, a sound designer on a Gary Cooper western called Distant Drums needed to overdub a scream onto a scene in which a man is killed by an alligator. He brought a contract actor into his studio and rolled tape as the man did six brief, anguished screams in one take. These screams were then added to the Warner Brothers sound library, and over the next couple of decades they found their way into dozens of Warner Brothers films.

In the mid-'70s, a young sound designer named Ben Burtt gave these sounds a name: "the Wilhelm scream," after a character in one of the earliest films that utilized the sounds. A couple of years later, Burtt was hired to work on a film called Star Wars. As an homage, he overdubbed the scream onto a scene in that film. Then he overdubbed it onto a scene in The Empire Strikes Back. And Return of the Jedi. A fellow Lucasfilm sound designer began using the Wilhelm too, in Raiders of the Lost Ark and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, among other movies. And thus a film-geek in-joke was born. In the last 30 years the Wilhelm has been used winkingly in dozens of movies and TV shows, from Reservoir Dogs and The X-Files to Aladdin and Return of the King.."

Check out the video someone put together of alot of the FX's uses...

Boxed Thoughts

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This is a wicked cool idea..think I'll sign up..From the site: " Boxedthoughts is a collective snippet of human thought; a thoughtstream. The thoughtstream represents the flow of thought or thoughts that embodies humanity. All thoughts are anonymous."

Cool? Yes. Uncensored? No. There are "thought police" that make sure people like me don't use it for a scribble space for poo haikus. Fuck it, it's pretty cool nonetheless. Check it out HERE.

(via Neatorama)

The People's Mustache



This man is officially my new hero.

(Myspacers: add him!)

What is love? the remixes

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Someone spent some serious time scouring YTMND. This is a series of clips of the What is love? guys bobbing their heads remixed and chopped to internet perfection. They even did new versions of the music for each homage..My favorites are the Dschingis Kahn version and of course the Randy Macho Man Savage version...So fucking awesome.

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(Click pic for site!)

(via presurfer)

Walkin, Talkin, Macaulay Culkin

Hey there people, sorry for the post drought.. I haven't had much time for my daily nerd exercises, as I just started a new job walking dogs. For those of you who can't read, here's what that might look like..

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And here's what it doesn't look like..

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And here's what it definitely doesn't look like..

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Got it? good. And if you need a better excuse for my blogsloth, please feel free to choose from this comprehensive list. Now please sit back and enjoy this clip of a subway performer I caught today at 42nd street. 2 words: Midget Michael. Wooo!