Monkeys For Helping

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Picture Of The Day

Jean Luc-1, Anakin-0.

Labels: pictures

posted at 3:21 PM by Recon
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Wicki! Wicki! Turntable game

Check out these pics of a turntable game prototype called Wicki! Wicki! designed by Swedish art student Martin Klausen:

Forget DDR, I would fucking OWN in this game. For more on Wicki! Wicki!, check out Martin's site HERE.

(Thanks Gabe!)

posted at 3:13 PM by Recon
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10 Best 80s Movie Music Videos

This is a sweet post with 10 awesome 80's videos made for movies, all with youtube files. Classics like Kenny Loggin's "Danger Zone" and of course "Who's Johnny?" by 80's musical superhero El Debarge, the song that made it ok to rock a wicked man perm and express love for cheeky robots.

Check out the whole list HERE.

(via Gorillamask)

posted at 2:57 PM by Recon
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Batman Onomatopoeias

The old Batman series is the best. I enjoyed watching the hillariously awful fight choreography even more than the overt sexual chemistry between Batman and Robin. The best part of the fights was when they'd flash "Pow!" and "Zapp!" over the fight sequences, almost as if they were trying to hide Adam West's love handles or convince the viewer that the fracas they were watching was actually somewhat believable and interesting.

Anyway, check out this site with a bunch of those Onomatopoeias from the show...

(Click pic for more!)

(Via M&C)

posted at 2:40 PM by Recon
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Nicolas Cage's "Pachinko"

Nick Cage, Japanese TV, Giant metal robots. 'Nuff said.

posted at 2:30 PM by Recon
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Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Picture Of The Day

From the classic episode "Grabass on Holodeck 9"

Labels: pictures

posted at 4:39 PM by Recon
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Undefeatable Fight Sequence

Here's a simple rule for life: Any movie being shown on cable featuring the Beastmaster, Jean Claude Van Damme, or Cynthia Rothrock is an absolute must watch. But you must know that Cynthia Rothrock cinema is not for the faint of heart. It takes the art of shitty to glorious new levels.

Here we have a clip from "Undefeatable", a movie that is now on my list of things to watch before I die. It is quite possibly the most fantastic fight sequence ever put to film. Once again, the power of Rothrock delivers in full. I could watch this sucker all day.

(Thanks Kuru!)

posted at 4:25 PM by Recon
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Pandora.com

Ok, this site is awesome.You go to the site, pick an artist you want to hear and it will play a song by that artist. When the song is over, it will select another song by a different artist with some of the same characteristics of the original song. I tried it out with some obscure breakbeat artists and random DJ's and it was totally on point. Music stations are created for you, and you can listen to streaming music from your favorite artists for free (registration is free). The Free version runs ads on the site, but who gives a crap. This site is fantastic. Check it out HERE, it's really worth it...

(Thanks Lodi!)

posted at 3:56 PM by Recon
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Harrison Ford: Wife Force One

Let's face it, ever since he started banging Ally McBeal, Han Solo has totally been phoning it in. I didn't go see Firewall because it looked like every other Harrison Ford vehicle since Star Wars. He looks like he's actually counting the mall money in the trailer.

Check out this compilation of his movies, and witness how every godammned one is exactly the same. I just really hope the new Indiana Jones doesn't totally suck balls.

(via Screenhead)

posted at 3:41 PM by Recon
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Jackass Of The Day

Labels: pictures

posted at 3:32 PM by Recon
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Monday, March 27, 2006

Picture Of The Day

Back in the driver's seat, bitches.

Labels: pictures

posted at 3:03 PM by Recon
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Disney- VD Attack Plan

This is slightly old by internet standards, but was too damn good not to share. Disney's take on fighting Venereal Diseases. It consists of a general addressing his troops, which happen to be syphilis and gonorrhea germs. There are also characters representing ignorance and fear.

God bless you Walt Disney, You twisted bastard.

posted at 2:57 PM by Recon
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MyDeathSpace

If you're like me, one of the millions of MySpace minions out there who can't get enough fake friends and animated "thanks for the add" gifs in your lonely nerd lives, then you'll enjoy this strange link, if only out of morbid curiosity.

MyDeath Space keeps track of all the people on the site that have died, complete with their stories and profiles. I have to admit it's pretty creepy clicking on active profiles of ghosts. Check it out HERE.

posted at 2:49 PM by Recon
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Rockit

I had a dream last night that I was fighting off wave after wave of zombies, but they weren't actually zombies, they were store mannequins. And not the hot, fun-loving Kim Catrall kind, these were the freaky, scare the living shit out of you kind.

Anyway, the dream reminded me of one of the best 80's videos that used to make my skin crawl when I was a little kid: Herbie Hancock's "Rockit". It's full of electro funk and evil robot mannequins, not to mention fresh scratch power. And the song is so good I feel like kicking my own face whenever I hear it.

posted at 2:35 PM by Recon
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Back....

Well I'm back from my trip, and ready to enter the world of nerdery once again. Just like the glorious Lion Man, I have returned to fight evildoers with my computer kung fu powers.

Its good to be back.

posted at 2:26 PM by Recon
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Saturday, March 18, 2006

The road beckons..

I'm Swayze..hitting the road for a few days..In the meantime, anyone who can explain the following pictures to me in any relatively logical manner I got a shiny dollar bill with your name on it..

posted at 12:51 AM by Recon
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Friday, March 17, 2006

Must Love Jaws

The previous post got me thinking on sharks, and I found this gem..Kind of like The Shining remix, only this one features a love story between a man and a Great White. Fucking brilliant!!!

posted at 6:54 PM by Recon
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Thursday, March 16, 2006

Picture Of The Day

That's what you get for not being a gentleman.

Labels: pictures

posted at 2:45 PM by Recon
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One Got Fat - Bicycle safety film

In 1963, somebody made an educational filmstrip about bike safety featuring hellish monkey children called "One Got Fat". Imagine a Chris Cunninham video with elevator music and little demon chimp kids riding bikes and you get the basic idea of what you are about to watch. Now this is a must see, but be warned..you very well may lose a piece of your soul when you gaze upon their demon faces.

Now i'm usually a pro-monkey kind of guy, but this movie had me questioning if God really exists. I honestly can't believe children watched this. What benzadrine addicted spaz of a principal greenlighted this abomination to be screened to humans? Jesus help us all. Check it out:

posted at 2:32 PM by Recon
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Deep Thoughts

Found this collection of 400 0f Jack Handy's finest moments from SNL and his books...Here are some of my favorites:

#21: The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

#43: I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.

#60: The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.

#68: Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.

#75: I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.

#122: It's sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.

#244: He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection. I guess that's what I hated about him.

#253: I wonder if angels believe in ghosts.

#274: I bet for an Indian, shooting a old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun into the ground as she falls over, is like the top thing you can do.

#295: One thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse.

#319: Just as irrigation is the lifeblood of the Southwest, lifeblood is the soup of cannibals.

#330: If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting.

#395: If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it's gone, I think a good thing to do is to blame it on Santa Claus.

Check out all of them HERE..

(via Screenhead)

posted at 2:18 PM by Recon
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Breaking News!

This just in from the M4H news desk:

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posted at 1:51 PM by Recon
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Don't Copy That Floppy!

If I had a dime for every time a rapper who looks like Bokeem Woodbine came out of my computer screen whenever I pirated software, I'd have alot of goddamned dimes. All hail 1992. Disk Protector is the fucking king of the running man.

(via Gorillamask)

posted at 1:41 PM by Recon
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Thursday, March 09, 2006

Back in a few...

Well I'm off to Seattle till Tuesday..Going to visit my pals Gabe, Charly, and Kid Dammit..Along the way I will try to find some time to:

Kick some ass

Hit the clubs

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Laugh like a silly Yoga

Make children cry

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Dance like a fool

And drink coffee until I shake like a Japanese kid meeting Dakota Fanning.

Until then, Peace!!!!!!!!

posted at 8:00 AM by Recon
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Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Picture Of The Day

No matter how long it's been, the power of Goatse never dies.

Labels: pictures

posted at 9:48 PM by Recon
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Self-Destruction of the Ultimate Warrrior

Props to Kid Dammit for putting me on to this incredible movie. You all should remember the Ultimate Warrior, if not here's a picture that shows you how fucking awesome (and insane) he is:

Wow. Anyway, watch this clip. It's so good I had to upload it to Youtube myself so the whole world could see the true power of the warrior. Watch it, and you'll get a taste of the power. Also has some good sound bites from the people behind the scenes in the Wrestling world. Vince McMahon says the guy pratically spoke in tongues. LOL..well he just doesn't understand how the Warrior rolls!! Booyah!

posted at 9:42 PM by Recon
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You Got The Touch!

Got bless youtube. Here's the best part of Boogie Nights: when DD is in the studio comitting audio rape by "singing" Stan Bush's "The Touch". Best part is when coked out John C. Reilly does the running man in the booth. Brilliant.

And as an added bonus, check out the horribly perfect video from the man who created the original song himself, complete with a sweet Optimus Prime cameo. Remember..after all is said and done, you never walk, you never run, you're a winner.

You got the moves, you know the streets, break the rules, take the heat, you're nobody's fool.

You're at your best when the going gets rough,You've been put to the test but it's never enough.

You got the the touch, you got the power.

posted at 9:24 PM by Recon
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Scarface: Fucking Short Version

Counting "fucks" in Scarface is like trying to count how many times Antonio Bandaras tortures the english language in any movie he speaks in. It's hard to do. Luckily, some genius has put together a montage of fantastic fuckatude for all of us to witness the turbo powered potty mouth of Tony Montana and co. Check this thing out..Oh yeah, and it's not fucking safe for work at all..

(Click pic to watch!)

(via M&C)

posted at 9:15 PM by Recon
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The Final Countdown: the crap remix

Europe had a mega-smash super hit that wrapped itself around my brainstem in the 80's called "The Final Countdown" which I'm sure you're all familiar with. Just for reference purposes, click the pic to hear how it's supposed to sound:

Now prepare yourself: You're about to hear the shittiest band you've ever heard do a impressively awful rendition of that song. If I was there I would have bombarded them with a wave of boos, hisses, and middle fingers. And then I'd stand and applaud them for being non-comformists in a world where everyone expects music to be "good" and "tolerable" . Check it out HERE..

posted at 9:03 PM by Recon
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Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Picture Of The Day

I don't think there is any argument for gun control more effective than this photograph. That is a face that will haunt my dreams.

Labels: pictures

posted at 4:51 PM by Recon
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Great Yugoslavian Record Covers

I'll give you one good reason why you should check these out:

Dear God. Those glasses could topple evil regimes. It's like Yanni and Borat made a baby out of disco power and cocaine.

Check the rest out HERE..

posted at 4:41 PM by Recon
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Ultraman Taro - Volleyball Session

This clip features a Japanese woman using her volleyball skills to battle a giant monster that kind of looks like a Disney version of what Jeff Goldblum becomes at the end of the movie "The Fly". I wish I could legally marry 1970's Japanese tokusastu. It never ceases to take my breath away.

posted at 4:28 PM by Recon
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Top 10 Most Eccentric People you didn't know

Strange people make the world worth living in. Honestly, where would we be without the Heinos, Crispin Glovers, and Gary Spiveys of the world? For one, people like me would have nothing to blog about. I'd be stuck writing about my boring shitty life and posting pictures of my dogs wearing cowboy hats. That would suck ass.

This is a list of eccentric people from the past and present day. I'm a bit of a paranormal hound, so people like reptilian alien conspiracist David Icke are all too familiar to me. But here's one of my favorites from the list:

Le Petomane, the world's most famous professional farter

Le Petomane was the stage name of the French professional farter and entertainer Joseph Pujol (1857 - 1945).

He was famous in Victorian times for his remarkable control of the abdominal muscles, which enabled him to break wind at will. He derived his stage name from the French verb peter, "to fart."

Some of the highlights of his stage act involved playing a flute through a rubber tube in his anus and farting sound effects of cannon fire and thunderstorms.

I'd take that over Cirque Du Soleil anyday.

Check out the whole list HERE...and also check out Wiki's extensive list of weirdos...

posted at 4:12 PM by Recon
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Arnold: boozehound rave master

Here are two clips everyone must see.

Arnold wants you to drink Jim Beam. "It's one of the most remarkable products, not only in the United States, but all over the world." What's remarkable to me is that this guy controls the sixth largest economy on the planet.

But I gotta stop hating on the guy when I watch his glowstick work. If you think this is rad, you should see his pop/lock routine. Those moves terminate dancefloors.

posted at 3:57 PM by Recon
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Monday, March 06, 2006

Picture Of The Day

I don't know much, but I do know that I would let Mr. Norris roundhouse my face and neck to eat a piece of this cake.

(via 10e.org)

Labels: pictures

posted at 1:10 PM by Recon
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Live Action Simpsons

First of all, check out this amazing live action Simpsons intro, it's so well done. After I watched it, I got to thinking about who would be in the cast if I could make a live action Simpsons flick. So here are my picks, mostly based on resemblance..

Paul Giammati/Karl Pilkington as Homer

Al Gore as Reverend Lovejoy

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Anderson Cooper as Kent Brockman

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Cancer Man from X-Files as Principal Skinner

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Kathy Bates as Chief Wiggum

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Steve Buscemi as Moe

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John Bolton as Ned Flanders

Moff Tarkin as Mr. Burns

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Steven Wright as Krusty the Clown

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Pasty Parisi from the Sopranos as Lenny

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James Coburn as the Sea Captain

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The asshole from Ghostbusters as Willie

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Micky Rourke as Snake

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James Brown as Dr. Hibbert

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Bob Balaban as Mr. Smithers

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and lastly...

Raul Julia as Dr. Nick

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So there you have it..Who would you choose for your ideal cast?

posted at 1:08 PM by Recon
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Japan's Indoor Man-Made Beach

Ocean Dome in Miyazaki City, Japan is the world's first indoor beach and largest water park. It has its own flame-spitting volcano, crushed white marble "sand", and it also boasts the world's largest retractable roof, providing a permanently blue sky.

Temperature, wind and humidity are closely controlled to provide an ultra-safe "sea-side" experience. Every hour, the volcano erupts and the hi-tech wave machines start up, starting a few minutes of sanitised surfing.

This just adds to the list of overwhelming evidence that Japanese are goddamned geniuses. First indoor skiing, now this. Honestly, what will they think of next?

(click for more amazing pics!)

posted at 1:05 PM by Recon
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Orson Welles drunk

Orson Welles is the man. He created Citizen Kane. He voiced Unicron in Transformers The Movie. He even convinced people over the radio that aliens were landing in New Jersey. And judging from the amazing clip below, he was a pretty big fan of the sauce. Have another, Mr. Welles. Have another.

(via WMMNA)

posted at 1:02 PM by Recon
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Cell Phone Designed for Dogs

This just in from the WTF department...

A mobile phone has been invented for dogs. The bone-shaped device, called Petscell, will fit on the animal's collar and is scheduled to go on sale next year.

A U.S. company has developed a device in a bid to reduce those feelings of despair, by inventing a cell phone so that dogs and their owners can communicate when they are away from each other.

The PetsCell is shaped like a bone and is attached to the dog's collar. It works in much the same way as a conventional mobile phone.

The owner dials their pooch's number and after one ring, it automatically connects to the phone on the dog's collar, allowing the dog to hear its master's voice, transmitted out of a speaker built into the collar-piece.

If the dog barks in response, the owner will hear it through their own telephone, creating a dog-owner telephone "conversation."

All I know is my dogs are all at least a quarter retarded, and this won't work with them. But then again, they are alot stupider than most dogs.

(Click pic for the rest of the story!)

posted at 1:00 PM by Recon
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Thursday, March 02, 2006

Picture Of The Day

I swear I totally hung out with this kid back in the day. He put Coke in his cheerios and could beat Zelda in like 15 seconds. He pioneered the middle school mullet, owned 25 different pairs of Jams, and was the first kid on the block rocking Z Cavariccis. He could recite every Def Leppard song by heart, and always bragged about seeing Hulk Hogan bodyslam Andre at Wrestlemania in person.

Labels: pictures

posted at 5:56 PM by Recon
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Looking for freedom with a potty mouth

Well I had to save the best for last. These clips will have a guaranteed spot in the Hoffitorium I plan on building when I retire. First, check out this radical video of Hoff's "Looking For Freedom". I'd take this over Heroin any day. It's just about as addictive, and way more satisfying. The song sounds like a dog crapped on a keytar, but who cares. Lot's of sweet manfro, power synth lines, popped collars, smoke machine action, 80's ladies, and Knight Rider footage. Next to "Hooked on a Feeling", it might be the best video in all of hoffstory. Check it out:

Bubuwait it gets worse. Here's some Knight Rider outakes where Michael Knight drops a few F bombs and engages in 80's style sexual harrassment. Brilliant. Totally fucking Hofftastic.

posted at 5:37 PM by Recon
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Airwolf kicks ass

What tribute to the 80's would be complete without paying respect to the one of the greatest shows of all time? Air to the motherfucking Wolf. Boozebag Jan Michael Vincent? Check. Old school pimp Ernest Borgnine? Check. Testosterone fueled Electronica attack music? Check. Eye patch guy? Check. Helicopter with Atari computers and lots of guns on it? Check. Man do I miss this show...

posted at 5:19 PM by Recon
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Mr T on Styling

This is a strange fashion show featuring commentary from the world's greatest man. Some of the lines in this made me want to slap my own face. Mr T says fuck the labels. Be an original and make your own damn clothes. Word.

(for more on Mr. T, check out this video "recouping")

posted at 5:11 PM by Recon
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BBS Ads Gallery

Pre World Wide Web, bulletin board services were the way lonely nerds like me used computers to find pictures and other crap we find so easily today. Some BBSes specialized in images, and branded their graphics. This collection represents a unique cross-section example of what we looked at on our computer screens between 1987 and 1992. There are some gems in here..1000+ images...Some NSFW...

(Click pic for more!)

(Via Boing Boing)

posted at 5:00 PM by Recon
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Turbo and the broom

I'm in an 80's mood, so all posts will be retro as hell today. Starting with this gem from Breakin'...Turbo's totally awesome broom dance. So cool. And that beat could be the soundtrack to Awesome the movie. I love electro like fat kids love cake.

posted at 4:24 PM by Recon
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