Thursday, February 28, 2008
When I graduated from college, time seemed to stand still. Days become weeks, weeks years and so forth. To spend this vast reservoir of new found time, I took to modifying the daily comic strips in the newspaper. Think of it as an art project for the extremely bored and untalented. One of my favorite things to do was to remove all words and dialog from Family Circus. The result was vastly superior to the original.
Some else has been doing a similar thing by removing Garfield from all Garfield comics. A pretty good case can be made that Garfield is the biggest obstacle to quality in the comic. Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Here's a question: Why does every kid from middle school look like they just woke up after sleeping off the flu for 12 hours? Ah, how I don't miss those awkward days. You have to check out this fantastic collection of Science Fair pictures..
Here are two reasons to check it out:
This kid is better dressed than me, significantly smarter than me, and has better facial hair than I could ever hope to be able to grow. (due to my Nordic roots, I am stuck with a perpetually blond whisper of a mustache, also known as a Larry Bird.)
And this kid is just a total fucking champion. That sweater is in a neck-and-neck race with Obama for my pick for president. It's glorious. It's like that lost Cosby episode where Cliff Huxtable took acid and had a hoagie party with Timothy Leary. If I saw some waif kid from Billyburg rocking it with asshole glasses I wouldn't like it as much. But this kid's style is just straight gangster. FYI: I think I'm going to start an all synthesizer band called "Code of the Meniscus". We'll only play covers of Dokken, Krokus, and Stryper..and when the crowd inevitably begs us for more ironic awesomeness, we will grant them their wish..with blazing arpeggios, a exciting fire-filled finale with a Unicorn, and our excellent 16-minute interpolation of Europe's "The Final Countdown."
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
I really can't decide which display of "acting" in the clips below is more unbelievably awful. Both are pretty amazing in their own way. Maybe you all can help me figure it out. Which do you think is the worst?
This diamond of uncut awesome from "Troll 2":
or this moving performance from "Tough Guys Don't Dance":
I'm leaning towards the first one. Simply because it's impressive that so much suck can be crammed into so few words. But regardless of who is more awful, they are both winners to me. They should team up, maybe open a school together. (As long as it isn't an acting school. That would be a fucking disaster.)
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I wish wish wish that today's basketball players had to play in the gear and hairstyles that these gentleman are sporting. Come on NBA, strap on some eyeballs and show the world that you have the vision to set fashion back 80 years.
Also, here's a question: Why is there medieval weaponery on the wall?
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
If Bruce Lee got a fever from eating bad Tikka Masala after a heavy night of mescaline and disco partying with the Olympic gymnastics team, this is the exact dream he would have that night.
And oh what a glorious dream it is. It has everything in it I could ever hope to see. Karate, polyester, Indian Disco dancing, breakbeats, a pommel horse, a lurking villain complete with mustache/sunglasses combo...fantastico. Incidentally, I did some research with some nerd friends of mine and we concluded that this video is in fact the exact epicenter of the universe of awesome. Google it, Paco. It's science.
(also from this movie comes this slice of Boss..)
Monday, February 11, 2008
I got nothing against these folks, they seem like really nice people. But they need to never even attempt to be in the same room as a microphone ever again. Dear lord. It sounds like a room of zombies hitting each other in the head with cats. Bar Mitzvah karaoke is officially the soundtrack of Armageddon. I'm positive these people opened up a portal to the underworld. I sure hope they enjoyed themselves.
(via best week ever)
Occasionally when Chuck Norris roams wooded areas he encounters dangerous wildlife. Roundhouse kicks work great on squirrels and bobcats, and his flying karate techniques are effective against swooping falcons and eagles. But against tremendous angry bears only one power can reign supreme: His mighty stare.
All. hail. Chuck.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Man these guys are good. So good that I suspect nerds with laptops and asshole glasses may have CGI'ed some of their superhero skills. But I think it's real. Talk about athleticism. I've always wished God didn't curse me with the coordination of a deer on a frozen lake. When someone throws a ball at me I swing at the air like I just walked through a spider web. These guys definitely make the juice crew all-star team. Double plus awesome squared.
*Note: video link working now*
*Note: video link working now*