Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Baby to the Beans


Remember Beanie babies? They were like Meth for the OCD Mom jeans set. Not to mention the mustachioed cat guy demographic. They went bananas for those things. It's a shame they're gone.

So what do agoraphobic nerds with impulse control issues do now to meet one another? Beanie conventions were like their aphrodisiacs, thrusting the lot into close enough proximity that awkward physical romances negotiated during last call at the airport motel bar were inevitable and plentiful. Believe me when I tell you, many a pants-off dance-off took place during those wonder years of the Beanie dynasty.

So please..bring them back, Mr. President. Nerd reproduction is imperative for our future. If these groups and their respective private parts don't find a way to each other, America won't have the nerdling surplus necessary to maintain the blinky machines and lasers that run our lives. Beanies make America safer. Without them, the terrorists have already won.

(via EIT)

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