Monday, June 20, 2005

Sheer Tom Foolery

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I am so sick of Tom Cruise these days. Everywhere I look I see him. Whether he's jumping around like a retarded monkey on Oprah or getting water squirted in his 500 million dollar grill, he is omnipresent.

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But why? I have no idea. Are we this desperate for news these days? America is at war and all I see on TV is missing white women, Michael Jackson and his stupid fucking umbrella, and Tom Cruise acting like a douchebag.

So what's going on with TC these days? Maybe he's really in love. I doubt it. I think its somehow involved with some kind of Scientology
plot (fig. A) I can't figure out. Those guys are like the Illuminati of Beverly Hills, and they are up to something. Do movies like War of The Worlds and the new Batman really need this much free press for their stars? Last time I checked, Steve Spielberg managed to do OK at at the box office. And I'm pretty sure Batman Begins just made the GDP of Switzerland in it's opening weekend.

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(figure A: "Scientology")

For shame, Katie Holmes. You should have never left Dawson's creek. That guy with the huge head really seemed like a nice fellow. I bet he wouldn't have made you join a evil cult to be his special lady. According to Defamer, Cruise said regarding Katie's crossing over to the darkside "Listen, the thing you've got to know about Katie is that she's an incredibly bright and self-determined woman. She makes her own decisions."

Yeah, right. Tell that to Scarlett Johansen.

"Cruise made repeated phone calls to the 19-year-old starlet- who was then set to co-star with him in Mission Impossible III—imploring her to meet him at the Scientology Celebrity Center in L.A. But when the actress finally agreed, the supposedly professional get-together took an oddly spiritual turn. "[Cruise] took me into this room, which was stifling hot, and was showing me all kinds of info about joining the church," Johansson told our source. "The whole time he didn't even offer me a cookie!"

After two hours of proselytizing, our source says Cruise opened a door to reveal a second room full of upper-level Scientologists who had been waiting to dine with the pair, at which point the cool-headed ingenue politely excused herself."

WTF? What kind of bullshit courtship is that? Come over to my Cult headquarters and have dinner with the boys? Holy hell. Get a grip, maverick. I remember back in the days of thunder, you were the top gun. A legend. You had all the right moves. You used to look up and see a vanilla sky, but now your eyes are wide shut. Be careful. This fleeting game of love is a risky business. Religion and romance is a dangerous cocktail that only a few good men can pull off.

Anyway, I had to get that off my chest. Maybe my Thetans are out of whack. I should go get a Purification Rundown with some high-toned beings to fix all these engrams running through my reactive mind..

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