Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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This is a page from some hip dating magazine from hell knows where. I have a bank robber fetish, so this is totally sexy to me...

Mean Gene w/Classie Freddie B and Slick

Mean Fucking Gene interviews Classie Freddie Blassie, and Slick. Mean Gene asks Slick about his profession, insinuates his pimpatude, and then him and Classie Freddie B tell him he has a bowling ball head..One of the best interviews ever...

Chewbacca Blog

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As I am a jaded internet nerd, rarely do I feel genuine emotion or laugh out loud (even though I use LOL like Paris Hilton uses "That's Hot".) That being said, Chew fucking Bacca has a super awesome new blog you gotta read. It might be the best blog I've ever read. Check it out HERE..

The Dark Side Of Knitting

Knitting is something sweet old ladies are supposed to do, right? And usually people knit sweaters and mittens, not decapitated heads and dead kids. This gallery has some awesome stuff that just raised knitting a couple of dozen notches in my book..Cute kid on bike: kind of gay. Kid bleeding from falling off that bike: badass.

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(Click Pic for more!)

Japanese Crawling Businessman Robot

Japanese performance artist Momoyo Torimitsu has created a robot that looks like a Japanese business man that crawls on it's stomach. According to Hedonistica, "The robot is a symbol of the Japan's rigid Salaryman culture." What would you do if you saw this thing on the street?

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(Click pic to watch video!)

Monday, January 30, 2006

Picture Of The Day


Picard, you fool! You can't stop him! Resistance is futile! Chunk is indestructable!

(via Gorillamask via ytmnd)

Boys Beware!

This is a 1950's "educational" film warning of the evils of homosexuality. Oh my fucking God I can't believe how hilarious and wrong this is.

Numa-Numa- Japanese crossdresser remix!

I tell you this..You haven't really heard Numa Numa until you've heard it from the mouth of a Japanese He-She.

Demon Children and their Evil Food

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As you can see from the above image, this is a gallery of evil looking children and creepy 50's retro food I wouldn't eat for all the food in foodtown. If my kids end up looking like any of these hellspawn, I'm sending them back the stork.

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(Click Pic for more!)

Friday, January 27, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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G G G G Granny Unit!

Human Tornado!

This is a great one to start the weekend off right with. This is a music vid for my new favorite wrestler, Human Tornado. The song is called "Cool" by Suga Free. Here's Tornado's myspace profile..Man this video made my day. So fucking boss.

(via Screenhead)

Claude François - Alexandrie Alexandra

It's crazy to think there was a time when all you needed was a smoke machine to make a music video. Claude François does Disco the way it should be done...in a sweater with huge lapels and shiny red and gold covered girls rocking cowboy boots. This also gets my award for the best dance moves on Earth ever. Go Claude, it's your birthday..

Kraftwerk -The Robots

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How can you NOT love Kraftwerk? Afrika Bambaataa sampled them for the pivotal breakbeat masterpiece "Planet Rock", they turned down Michael Jackson for a remix in the 80's, and they are quoted as saying their inspiration is "nothing". These pioneers of electronic music intentionally stayed out of the sun and focused on a look they called "the man machine". And this is their 1977 video where they pretend to be robots, and do a pretty convincing job. Even though I hate robots, I love these guys way more..

(Check the video HERE)..

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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AIDS: the giant giftcard that destroys young girls.

Asshole Battle '06!

It's that time again, people. Time for another M4H battle. You might remember the asshole battles of my old blog, or the hair battle we had several months ago..

This time we have another battle of the assholes. I spent some time picking out some thoroughbred dickheads for the event, so I think we'll have a pretty close race.

The rules are simple..cast your vote in the comments box for a candidate who to you represents the biggest asshole, and give your reasons. And lurkers, please vote! Your voices can make a difference! That being said, in the name of science I ask:

Who is the biggest Asshole of them all?

#1: Dick Cheney

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I decided to include Cheney not because of his dealings with Halliburton, or his countless lies to the American people, or any reason from the long list of offenses that would warrant it. I chose him because my gut instinct tells me that he eats babies. Super-smily adorably cute babies. The cuter they are, the better they taste to him. I also think he and his fellow homies of the plutocracy hunt humans for sport like
Gary Busey in that crappy Ice-T movie. But it's just a hunch, really. I look forward to hearing your reasons.

#2: Billy Zane, Titanic

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I just saw BZ's role as Caledon “Cal” Hockley ther other day on the TV, and felt compelled to include him. Now I don't know if Billy Zane is an asshole in real life, but I think he has to be. He can't be good enough at acting to pull off the levels of supreme douchebaggery he exudes in Titanic. And only Pat Riley and dickheads wear their hair like that. Plus, don't forget he's the one who says “God himself could not sink this ship!” Way to go, Zane. You had to go and fuck it up for everybody.

#3: Emperor Palpatine

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He might be the clear favorite, but I think there's more to his character than people might think. Let us not forget that he took Anakin in and treated him like a son and gave him a shiny black suit with arbitrary lights and buttons on it. He also employed alot of people as stormtroopers, and they fought pretty hard which makes me think they were well paid union guys, and that the Emperor must've been a pretty good boss. He might be just misunderstood. He's always laughing and smiling when he talks about the force. The last time Cheney smiled his heart exploded 16 times.

So there you have it, people..Cast your votes, and let the battle begin!

Dakota Fanning Countdown

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(*Shoutout to Brian Peppers, ugliest pervert ever*)

This one is strictly for you perverts (and I know you come, I see the filthy searches that get you here!)

This is a site that has a running countdown to the day Dakota Fanning turns legal. Finally those pre-legal Olsen Twin fanboys have a place to focus their collective slimy gaze...Some of the comments are pretty damn funny, too..

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(Click Pic to see the countdown!)

Taiwan's Toilet Restaurant

The Martun, or toilet in Chinese, is a unique restaurant in the southern port city of Kaohsiung, Taiwan that has a toilet theme. You sit on them, and even eat out of them!

Check out some of these awesome pics...

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I think when you go to the bathroom there, the toilets should be made out of dinnerware. That would blow my mind.

Here's a review of the place..If you're ever in Taiwan, go and send me pictures. What a fantastic concept.

(Thanks Dyanne!)

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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Man, that's just asking for it. If I was an alien I'd boost this guy and give him the super abduction platinum package on principle alone.

Rocking son of Dschinghis Kahn

I swear, if I could see a new video by Dschinghis Kahn every day I'd die happy. Here they are, the most sensational euro-disco supergroup of all time performing yet another smash hit, " Rocking son of Dschinghis Kahn". the audio is a bit out of sync, but who cares. Dschinghis Kahn is really about the magic on stage. Watching them for the music is like watching porn for the acting.

Korean English Instruction Video

This is a sing along Korean video where we are instructed on how to speak English to doctors. It's so surreal watching two people with guitars sing so happily about stomach viruses...

(Thanks to noelheikkinen for the vid!)

Katana Breaks

Watch as this late night sword peddler hurts himself playing with a katana. "Oh! That hurt bigtime!" ROFL !

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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Kung Fu or not, that just isn't right.

Jackie Chan does Street Fighter

Finally, here's a clip I've been looking for for a long time. Jackie Chan pays homage to the best game ever, Street Fighter 2. Even though this is supposed to be funny, it's still 10 times better than Van Damme's abomination (which I'm ashamed to say I've seen). Wow that movie sucks. It makes Snow Dogs look like Citizen Kane.

Kung Fu Splatter Fight

Not sure where this is from, but I could care less. Easily one of the grossest and most entertaining clips I've seen..The guy punches the dude through his own face!! That's hardcore.

Jackie Chan Drunken Master 2 final battle

This is the final fight scene in my favorite kung fu flick of all time, Drunken Master 2. It's clear proof that drinking alcohol in excess not only makes you invincible, but turns you into a godamned hero to boot.

Bloodsport and BBJ trailers

Here are the trailers for my two favorite movies of all time:

I know you're probably all sick of hearing about these movies by now, but it's Kung Fu Day, dammit!

Ong Bak Fight Scene

I haven't seen the whole movie yet, but this scene is fucking banannas.

Bruce Lee vs Chuck Norris- classic fight

Bruce whips Walker's ass in one of the classic Kung Fu moments from Return Of The Dragon..you gotta give respect to Chuck for rocking the crazy 70's chest hair..Awesome.

Jet Li Wu Shu demo

Here's some more rare footage of Jet Li proving why he's one of the greatest. I really wish he'd stop making movies with DMX and get back to making classics like Tai Chi Master..(Check out a clip of it HERE..)

Rare Bruce Lee Jeet Kune Do footage

Oh man oh man. This is some really rare footage of Bruce showing his speed, and demonstrating his devastating 1-inch punch. This guy was so amazing..I don't think his movies really show how ill he was...

Shaw Brothers- Master Killer Trailer

This is a dope trailer for the Gordon Liu classic Master Killer. I love this movie. Gordon Liu is the man! IMHO, he totally stole the show in Kill Bill. And it's funny how he's 827 years old and still looks like he's 18.

Monkey Kung Fu

Kung Fu day wouldn't be complete without this classic..

Jackie Chan-You Can't Touch This

This is a bunch of clips of Jackie doing his thing from the classic Drunken Master 1..

And the best part is you get to listen to Hammer while you watch...

Kung Fu Day

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Today I'm going to post nothing but Kung Fu..The movies, the arts, and all the in between...The reason? I had a dream last night where I was doing karaoke with Bruce Lee and have kung fu on the brain. Plus, I figure I'd mix it up a bit, and try a theme day. Hopefully once a month I'll do a new theme, and I'm open to any suggestions for topics..

So if you hate Kung Fu, come back tomorrow. If not, enjoy the clips!

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Monday, January 23, 2006

Young Chuck Norris - SNL

All hail Chuck, the mustached avatar of hand-to hand combat and current ruler of the internet.We all know the facts about why this man kicks so much ass. Even Tony Danza is on the level when it comes to giving him respect. Now SNL has come up with a fitting tribute to Norris.

Ever since the Chronicles of Narnia rap, this guy Andy Samberg is on fire. Here he plays a young Chuck, kicking and punching and punching and kicking...The song is awesome, too. Looks like SNL is making a comeback..

(Thanks to Mantis and Screenhead)

Picture Of The Day

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It takes serious commitment to be that wasted.

Van Dammage On The Dancefloor

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I'm an old-school JCVD fan, and I'm not a huge fan of Kickboxer (2nd best movie next to Bloodsport), but this clip of JC doing the Brussels shuffle might be one of the best things I've seen all year. I posted an snippet of it animated a few months back, and thank the gods of the internets I found the whole thing...
Click play to watch!!

Bombay TV subtitled movies

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If I had an extra lifetime, I's spend as much time possible watching Bollywood flicks. Where else can you watch violent action sequences and riveting dance numbers all in one fantastic 3 hour movie?

Anyway, this is an awesome site where you choose a clip of an old Hindi movie, then write your own subtitles for it.

I made one, and I'm pretty damn proud it it! Watch it HERE!

And make your own movie HERE..

THIS is where the power lies!

Hulk Hogan must have just eaten one of Vince McMahaon's famous steroid-enhanced cocaine sandwiches when he did this interview with Mean Gene back in the day. He's so geeked on Hulkamania and narcotics that he starts ranting about Greek Gods and the Garden of Eden. But as soon as you begin to worry that this testosterone-fueld drug rant is going nowhere, Hogan will show you all where the POWER LIES!

Hoff Pepsi!

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God bless the Australian Ad wizards for coming up with what might be the best ad campaign ever.

We all know that The Hoff is as powerful as a God and possesses a hellish voice more evil than Satan himself. His smile has been known to start fires and his eyes torch villages. To look upon him is to gaze into the abyss..and any mortal foolish enough to cast his stare on him is overwhelmed by the irresistable desire...to drink soda.

I swear, Pepsi must have bartered the fallen soul of Britney Spears to broker this deal. I'm an old-school Coke classic guy, but now that Hoff is backing it, I might have to make the switch to Pepsi out of principle alone. I haven't been this riveted by a musical corporate mascot since the golden age of the California raisins.

Anyway, click the Hoff Pic below to download some amazing desktops, screensavers, and "Hofficons" to fill your computer full of pure unbridled evil...

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Friday, January 20, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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I totally saw a UFO the other night and was so shook but this pic makes me feel better, because it really makes sense..

Feedtank Dance Floor Project

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Feedtank is a group of digital artists that use technology to create "playful interactive spectacles". The one that really amazed me was there Dance Floor project called Dance Floor Moves.

It's a colorful, projected, interactive floor that can be installed anywhere. When a person moves over the floor, it reacts. So so cool. I want one in the retro discotech I plan on putting in the basement of my house.

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(Click pic to see!)

(And for more cool interactive tech madness, check out the other Feedtank projects HERE.)

(Via We Make Money Not Art)

Cyril Takayama Knows Voodoo

I was watching David Blaine the other night with my sister, and he did a wicked trick where he threw a card threw a window and it stuck to the other side..I thought that was cool till I saw this..Japanese Jedi wizard Cyril Takayama does a variation of the same trick under water is a godamned submarine! Click play, this is the illest magic trick I've ever seen...(For more amazing Cyril clips, go HERE)

Terrifying Ski Masks

Holy crap, these are scary...Makes me glad winter is almost over!

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(Click pic for more!)

(Thanks Gabe!)


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I've always been into dreamwork and exploring the subconscious since as long as I can remember, and I love reading other people's dreams..This is an awesome database of people's dreams called Dreambox where you can read users dreams and can sign up and share your own..Check it out HERE..

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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For the life of me I just can't figure out how this statue could not be completely sketchy from any angle.

Crazy cross-dressing Japanese brainwashing dance party!

Ok. I know I've been on a Japan kick this week, but I can't help myself. This was too bizarre not to post. Just click play and TRY and explain this madness to me.

Honestly, a strange man in a pink dress and pig-tails, hyperkinetic dance frenzy, lots of nutty kids, uprocking furries and..is that..James Brown? Oh God, this ain't right at all. I admit I'm fascinated, but still totally terrified. I swear my face looked like this when I first saw it. I got to see the Aum Shinrikyo cult recruitment video a few years back, and that was fucking bush league compared to this!

How To Survive A Robot Uprising

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If you read my blog often, you are most likely aware of my intense hatred and distrust of all robots. That being said, this site is a good thing.

Of course the robots haven't actually taken over yet, except for the occasional Roomba or creepy little Sony dog popping up here and there. But inevitably they will rise up and attempt to kill us all. It's our duty to be prepared.

Daniel Wilson's new book gives us the tools we'll need for the future war with the robots. In it he shows us important things to know such as how to spot a rebellious robot servant, how to pose as a humanoid robot, and how to fight those evil metal bastards.

Anyway, click the pic to check it out..Be prepared, know your enemy!

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swift pillow to the nads. man cries like a baby

Click play..The scene: two good friends having a pillow fight. The kid on the left hits his friend. then the kid on the right hits back, only much much harder. He then delivers a tremendous blow to the testicles of the kid on the left, forcing him to crumple on the floor. Then he cries like a little baby girl...

I honestly can't stop laughing watching this..Thanks Justin!

Timing Is Everything

This is an awesome gallery of stuff being destroyed...really cool pics of glasses being broken, balloons being popped, etc..

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Click pic for smashy smashy..

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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My new years resolution for 2006 is to channel my inner chi and rock Ping-Pong Zen face until I can explode people's heads with my mind.

I almost threw up...again

You know the drill, just click play...This is a clip from the 1974 Japanese Toku series Inazuman. Craptastical UFOs, ironic Emo-shag haircuts, Japanese Mexi style cowboys, senseless flying, AND scarved beetle warriors? Great Ceasar's ghost. 70's Japan, if you were a human girl I'd fucking stalk you.

Ghostbusters-the animated GIF!

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Anyone who isn't a shit knows that Ghostbusters is one of the best films of all time. And this is easily the best use of computer animation to date. Just watch it and tell me I'm lying. I was going to make this my pic for the day, but the sheer bossatude of it's spectacular terifficness warranted a post of it's own. I'm not exaggerating at all when I tell you that this fucking thing is better than my whole entire family.

(Thanks Gabe!)

'Gangster monkeys' a Menace, Neighbors Say

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-Tuesday Jan. 10, 2006
-Lor Chandara and David McFadden, Cambodia Daily

A roving band of what one municipal official has dubbed "gangster monkeys" has been swiping laundry, biting students and eluding police across Daun Penh district in Phnom Penh.

Pich Socheata, deputy governor of Daun Penh district, said monday that she will seek approval from City Hall to launch a campaign to capture unruly, violent wild monkeys.

"We have to collect the nasty monkeys from the city. Otherwise they will disturb visitors and people living in the neighborhood," she said. "I have seen some monkeys grab glue bags from street kids and then they climbed up trees and sniffed it up. That's why some monkeys become violent and attack people."

Phnom Penh Governor Kep Chuktena, however, dismissed the notion that any of the macaques, which he said are largely peaceful animals and popular with tourists, have been sniffing glue. "No, there are no monkeys sniffing glue. Some become violent because of sexual motivations," he said.

Pich Socheata estimated that more than 200 wild monkeys congregate in trees around Wat Phnom, the Ministry of Commerce and the French school Lycee Rene Descartes. Following recent complaints of monkey attacks on members of the public, the Daun Penh district has seized 15 macaques.

"We contacted the Cambodian authorities to tell them that the monkeys were in the vcinity of the school and were affecting the safety of the students," said Claude Abily, French Embassy spokeswoman. "There have been several instances of students who have been bitten."

John Daigle, spokesman for the US Embassy, housed across from Wat Phnom, said the embassy has not contacted district officials about the monkeys. At Lycee Rene Descartes, an administrator, who said school policy prevented her from giving her name, confirmed that a few students had been bitten by monkeys coming on school grounds because of a fig tree, which has since been cut down for that reason.

(via the always fantastic Monkeywire)


Check out this awesome Marmite ad my boys over at Sweatervest put together..(You might remember them from the Bladin' the Edge vid I posted a while back...) I hate the taste of Marmite, but for some reason this makes me want some.. Click play to watch!

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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Wow. Creepy much? Looking at this, a few memorable quotes come to mind....

"It rubs the lotion on it's skin, it does this whenever it's told.."

"It rubs the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again!"

"Put the fucking lotion in the basket!"

Jame Gumb, you are a comedic genius.

North Korea's "Fucking USA!"

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This is a very shocking anti-American propaganda video which is said to have been made by North Koreans and previously broadcast on South Korean television and Japanese TV..It's one of the most radically awesome things I've seen in years.

Watching Bush morph from a monkey into a demon made my day. And the song is priceless!! Honestly, I can't do this thing enough justice. Just check it out for yourself!!

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(Click pic to watch!)

(via RobPongi)

Pen Spinning Ninja Masters

This one of the coolest videos I've ever seen. Watch these ninja bastards go fucking crazy spinning pens!!! Trust me..this is insane.

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(Click pic to watch!)

Scrawled E-zine Now Online!

Scrawled E-Zine is now online and operational!! Check us out!

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For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, Scrawled is the new online arts and culture site that all the cool kids are talking about. And yours truly happens to be a contributor! M4H favorites Rinna and Misha and Brogonzo also do their thing up on Scrawled, so be sure to click and show some love!

Come for the music reviews, interviews (check mine out with Sean
from Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!) and definitely think about submitting..

Please check out our submissions page or our MySpace profile for more details on submitting work for our February Issue, with a theme of 'Valentine's Day.'

Monday, January 16, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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I'm pretty sure these guys could roll through any country in the world and fucking take it over. 13 symmetrical Indians voguing on a motorbike=instant coup de tas.

The Hinoi Team feat. Koriki Choshu "Night Of Fire"

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I dare you to not be addicted to this song after watching this!

Japanese super group The Hinoi Team have teamed up with comedian Koriki Choshu to bring us "Night Of Fire", the most infectious groove since the Baha Men asked all of us who was it that let the dogs out so long ago.

This is currently burning up the charts in my house. I'm gonna put this joint on blast for at least a week. By the end of the day my family will want to set me on fire.

It's so annoying and ridiculous that it transcends shitty and becomes something truly wonderful and awe inspiring. I absolutely love the dance routine. Koriki Choshu looks like one of those dudes who guides the planes into the gate at the airport. Except he's rocking a speedo and a fucking gold cape. And could those girls be any cuter? It's like they came out of some fantastically sexy Shibuya vending machine. Man, this video is just about perfect.

What the Hell is wrong with Laura Bush

Wow. I stumbled across these frightening images of Laura "clearly a fucking robot" Bush today, and was compelled to share them. Can ANYONE please explain to me why she looks like this??

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WTF?? Is she allergic to ugly British people? Did she find Bush's emergency cocaine cache? And here I was all these years convinced that Cheney was the evil one. I was dead wrong. It's been Laura fucking Bush all along.

If no one has a proper explanation, I am forced to assume that she is either A) a reptilian overlord like the hamster eating bitches in "V" who let her poker face down for a hot second, or B) a fucking computer-ass robot android lady. Yeesh.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

This clip is so good I almost threw up watching it

Honestly, just click play. This is a fucking gem. Japanese Spiderman circa 1978, Flying crappy robots, machine gun mariachi madness. Jesus on the bloody cross I'm in retro heaven....(If clip doesn't play, go HERE).

(via Monkeyfilter)

Saturday, January 14, 2006


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Happy 2006 people! I know I've been gone a while, but I promise I had good reasons. I promise I'll make it up to you with a cornucopia of the freshest stupidity you've ever seen. This year I plan on lowering the bar even further. Hopefully by year end, all my posts will be no longer than haikus, and every picture/clip I post will make you feel like you swallowed a bag of angry African bees. The crack team of scientists that live in my basement are working around the clock to find an even more offensive orange to use for the background on my site. Plus, I have an elite unit of 90 pound, chain-smoking Thai hackers scouring the interweb for the most retarded things the nerd world has to offer. 2006 will be a great year, monkiacs. If dumb were food, this blog will be like the local Chinese buffet that serves the dope ass crab rangoons and General Tsizzao that makes you lie on the floor moaning with your pants unbuttoned feeling like you took a shot of dirty heroin with a one-eyed street hooker named sparkles. Hollabak, internet.

So here are some things I found the last few days to tide you over till next week...

Following up on my Tokusastu post, check out this list of clips of Japansese retardo-awesomeness I stumbled on. I had to stop watching 4 clips in because my jaw was sore from self-punching..Check it out HERE..Also, watch these fantastic Lion Maru clips!!

Anyone Remember Mike Tyson's punchout? then check out this Live action Punch recreation from the NES days HERE..

Check out Alice Cooper singing "Welcome To My Nightmare" on the Muppet Show..WTF?

Check out this Italian Anchorman bugging the fuck out on the air..Peep how his co-host winces..anyone care to translate?

I know this is years old by internerd standards, but I just had to post it. This kid is Pokemon king. I want to adopt his ass and give him a pokemon crown. This kid fucking rules. Check it out HERE..

And if any readers happen to be citizens of the great state of Minnesota, PLEASE get out and vote for Jonathan the Impaler for Governor..Need a reason? Read this snippet from his site: I am a Satanic Dark Priest, Sanguinarian Vampyre and a Hecate Witch. My Magikal Path name is: Lord Ares." I'm fucking sold...Check him out HERE..

And finally, did you know that Jean Claude Van Deezy was an extra in the pivotal breakdancing flick "Breakin?" Well here's the proof! Bear witness to the Van Damage!!!! (Thanks Mantis!)