Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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This is Athanasius Kircher's cat piano from his landmark 1650 work Musurgia Universalis:

"In order to raise the spirits of an Italian prince burdened by the cares of his position, a musician created for him a cat piano. The musician selected cats whose natural voices were at different pitches and arranged them in cages side by side, so that when a key on the piano was depressed, a mechanism drove a sharp spike into the appropriate cat's tail. The result was a melody of meows that became more vigorous as the cats became more desperate. Who could not help but laugh at such music? Thus was the prince raised from his melancholy."

(Via BoingBoing)

God Man Vs. Kingar

Nothing like crazy to make tuesday less shitty. To me this rivals Japanese Spiderman in awesomeness. I think this might be the worst monster fight of all time, and I've seen alot of crappy crap. A full 19 minute array ofTokusatsu Kaiju insano magic and crappy 70's pyrotechnics. Go God Man Go.

Darrell Bluett in World of Pictures

I dare you not to find a worse stand up comedian. The more I watch this the more I love it. Darrell Bluett is the official king of suck.

(Thanks Justin!)

Marimba Ponies

An internationally renowned music group comprised of 10 young percussionnists ranging from 4 to 12 years in age. The primary objective of the group is to foster goodwill and friendship through the universal language of music.

The secondary objective is obviously to make people like me crazy with frantic happiness and enthusiasm.

(Via Transbuddha)

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Picard gone Wild

There is only one post today, and if you watch this you'll understand why. Picard's surreal acapella is like a photon torpedo of immaculate perfection. The warp core of my little monkey brain has been damaged, and it will take at least 24 hours before Geordi will be able to get it up and running again. I don't even want to look for anything else on the internet today. This is just amazing.

(Thanks Gabe!)

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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This is the Tiki Fireplace. Some awesome guy with time on his hands created it, and now it is on the ever-growing list of items I need for my future home. I'm pretty sure it would traumatize small children, but any psychological damage they might incur is totally outweighed by it's sheer awesomeness.

(via BoingBoing)

Charles Bronson Death Wish Bodycount

This clip is my favorite. Anyone who has watched a Death Wish movie knows that Chuck Bronson is fucking boss when it comes to dealing out street justice. This is a 20 minute compilation of his greatest moments in the ultra-violent series, complete with some amazing one-liners and fantastically original killing styles. Don't sleep on Bronson. He's a murdering murderer.

(via Screenhead)

Society Of Digital Artists Gallery

This is an amazing gallery of art by members of The Society Of Digital Artists. So many cool works on this site, like my favorite Matt Cioffi's "Gangsta Chimp"...

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(Click Pic for more!)

(via J-Walk)

Hulk Hogan Wrestlemania IV Interview

Holy god, this has got to be one of the greatest speeches of all time, in or outside the world of pro wrestling. I won't ruin it, but just prepare yourself for the Hogan dog paddle..

(via GorillaMask)

Celebrities Yawning

Yawns are weird, and for some reason mysteriously contagious. Although most celebrities are robots created by Disney and the Weinstein brothers, this is a gallery of famous people showing that some of them are actually human after all...

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(Click pic for more!)

(via Presurfer)

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Monkey Fever

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Ahoy all, sorry for the lack of posts the last few days..I've had a wicked case of the flu, and only now am I starting to feel better...I still feel like God kicked me in the face, but it's alot better than before. For the last few days I've been battling a 102-103 fever, and in between bouts of restless sleep and bizarre dreams I decided to write some stuff down for shits and giggles to see what came out. Regular posts will be up tommorrow. But for now, enjoy my fever induced stream of consciousness...

Sundays are good days for wearing slippers and watching Beastmaster movies.

I wonder who would win in a fight between Tackleberry from Police Academy and Hacksaw Jim Duggan.

Had a dream this afternoon that I was on the phone with a friend, and I took a call on the other line and a swarm of bees shot out the receiver.

I want to kill that Geico lizard. Damn gecko bastard. I hate him even more than the Fandango puppets.

I'm willing to bet my copy of Bloodsport that Jean Claude Van Damme cries on a daily basis.

You know what's sad? When Michael Jackson turns into a zombie in Thriller he looks way less scary than he does in real life today.

Watching TV today I noticed something: Dr. Phil is an asshole. What a dick. And if you look at it hard enough, even his mustache is pompous.

Someone needs to make a club that looks like the movie Tron. If they did I would totally take up hallucinogens.

The Lambada has been gone too long. We are definitely due for a new forbidden dance.

Captain Lou Albano used to rock rubber bands on his face. That was so cool and doesn't make any sense at all.

I just remembered the California Raisins. What was wrong with us in the 80's? Max Headroom, Star Wars defense programs, dancing soda cans, and godamned singing raisins? Reagan must've been conducting mind control experiments on the public.

Call me nostalgic, but people need to start rocking rat tails again.

I wonder if Wilford Brimley is still alive. Remember the movie Cocoon? Not only did it represent the end of Steve Guttenburg's career, it made me afraid of swimming pools and old people for many years. And Brian Denehey was too husky to play an alien. That's just poor casting.

I think Sprite has the most powerful motto out of all the sodas, because it actually commands you to obey your thirst. That's pretty intense.

I heard that Entertainment Tonight's Mary Hart has a voice that gives kids seizures. She might not admit it publicly, but I bet she secretly loves that. I would absolutely kill for that kind of power.

If you don't believe Tom Cruise is gay, go watch Top Gun. That movie is like Brokeback mountain on an Aircraft Carrier. Him and Val Kilmer look like they're going to french each other in every scene.

I pray to the hip hop gods that 50 Cent will stop saying "GGG Unit" all the time. If he doesn't stop acting the fool soon, I might just have to go and make a diss record.

Just writing this down on a pad watching my hand smudge makes me realize that it's a right handed man's world. Righties are always trying to keep us down with their oppressive notebooks and scissors and whatnot. It's just not right.

I had a dream last night that I was on a cruise and the Bee Gees were there on vacation and me and Barry Gibb got drunk and yelled at tourists. I would say "Do you know who this is, people? He's a godamned disco legend!" And when they'd come up to him for autographs he'd go "I'm a woman's man, no time to talk." It was pretty terrific.

At my wedding, I'm having Airwolf fly me to my Honeymoon.

The sound when people spin the big wheel before the showcase showdown on "The Price Is Right" is somehow very soothing to me.

How nutty would it be if Dick Cheney shot someone in the head and got away with it? (Oh that's right...)

Wine flavored beer sounds good, but beer flavored wine sounds gross.

Aaron Spelling looks like an albino lemur, but I think Tori Spelling looks more like a monkey than an actual monkey does. She looks like a baboon hooker with a blonde wig on.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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This is a product from a company called Pantaline, "provisioners of America's finest plural clothing." ...WTF??? Please someone explain these pants to me!! I feel my mind going just looking at it.

(via GorillaMask)

Muslim Rave Party Sensation!

OMFG this is the best rave dance ever. Whoever made this song is the new president of my soul. Who knew that Muslim Imams could bust out such fantastic hand jams? If all their religious gatherings are as totally radical as this one, I might just have to convert. (I admit, I totally dance like this when I hear a proper tune on the dancefloor. Didn't you hear? head slapping is the new running man.)

Dueling Videos: Under Ice

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OK, this is a video featuring audio of Queen & David Bowie mashed up with Vanilla Ice featuring footage from the animes FLCL and Neon Genesis Evangelion.

The concept: There's actually two videos going on simultaneously, fighting for use of the screen. One is a serious video, using FLCL footage to "Under Pressure" by Queen and David Bowie. The other is silly comedy, using Evangelion footage to "Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice.

You just have to watch it..It's a big file, but totally awesome..

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(Click Pic To Watch!)

(Alt Vid HERE)

(Thanks Kuru!)

RFID shopping assist droids

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Apparently in the superfantastic world of Japan they now have robots that help you shop. According to We Make Money Not Art, "Once you've selected a store on the touch panel, the robot accompanies you there, reading some 5,000 smart tags embedded in the floor and relying on its sensors to detect and avoid other shoppers. Some sales items in stores have individually RFID-tagged, allowing the shopper to get product information by holding the item near the robot display."

Wow. That's pretty awesome. This usually would have apocolypse written all over it for me, but these little guys seem friendly enough. Boy do they need those here. If I was president of the mall, I'd program them to electrocute the teenagers that loiter around the food court and call them souless clones, at which point I'd have a good laugh at the irony. That would put a stop to their shenanigans for good.

Check out pics of the robots HERE and for more on how they work, go HERE (english) and HERE (Japanese).

(via the ODK)

Computers Make Children Cry

I had to think about posting this one, as it's just so damn wrong. But after watching it 9 times, I decided it's hillarious. This kid gets tricked into watching one of those "stare at the screen until we scare the shit out of you" things, and cries, cries, cries. Judging by his reaction I really think he became a bed wetter after this. Traumatic much?

*Update: new working link*

(Thanks Lodi!)

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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Damn! Who does she think she is, the Queen if England?

Scrawled -February Issue

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Another month has gone by, and it's time for another issue of Scrawled Ezine to hit the cyber shelves. As you may know, M4H regulars Rinna, Misha, And Brogonzo do their thing on it and yours truly is a writer, so show some love and check out the new issue...

This month, check out my interview with artist Christopher Reiger (aka M4H blog homie Hungry Hyaena) and my interview with turntable guru DJ Q-Bert...And don't forget, all you artistic minded lurkers: submit, submit, submit!!

Current Mohan

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Rajmohan Nair, better known as "Current Mohan'', generates 440 watts of electricity from his body in this amazing clip. Watch as he hooks up different devices to himself and generates electricity to power them. He even cooks eggs! I would love to rent him out for a party to make omelets with his mutant powers. That would be a hell of a good conversation starter...

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(Click Pic to Watch!)

(alt. video HERE)

Daily American Stupid

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I love America's funniest home videos because it's totally consistent. Nut shots: check. Fat Americans hurting themselves: check. Um, well basically those are the only consistent things on the show besides jokes that make me beg God to kill me, but check out this video clip of many people caught on tape falling, getting hit by random things, accidentally hurting each other, getting hit in the balls, and other stuff that makes you laugh at the expense of others. Pain+humiliation=funny. Check it out HERE.

(via M&C)

Paul Dawson, dropper of N Bombs

This is a clip from a local news station in Kentucky where White high school teacher Paul Dawson explains why he used the N wizzord in the classroom when talking to a student and proceeds to totally fucking plays himself. I post this not to create any meaningful debate on the use of the word in question. Mostly I wanted to share it because it's pretty godamned funny hearing an old white guy who looks like a pedophilic Ned Flanders say it over and over and over again. He even has a sign helping explain his position. That's pure comedy gold.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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Valentine's day sucks, but it's nice to know Mola Ram's got your back.

(Via I-mockery)

Japanese Sweets In Disguise

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Ok, follow me on this one. In Japan, apparently it isn't considered manly to eat sweet things in public. So someone cashed in on this cultural stigma and opened up a shop that sells sweets shaped like fast food. So now Japanese males can enjoy confectionary indulgence while appearing to eat more socially acceptable foods like hamburgers and french fries..LOL you say? Well I see that and raise you a WTF.

Their burgers are made of sponge cake, chocolate cream, and kiwi. And their fries are custard cream covered in starch powder and deep-fried. Mmmm, that's some tasty crazy! I just wonder what their chocolate shakes are made out of...

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(Click pic for the whole story!)

(via Treehugger)

Parkour In Russia

Many many thanks to the Unbeatable for putting me on to this amazing video...Parkour free runners have put out some awesome vids in the past, but this one made my jaw drop. Just watch it, it's fucking unbelievable. It's funny, this kid takes off his shirt and turns into a godamned super ninja alien. When I take off my shirt I just look drunk...

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

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This is a trailer for a new Will Ferrell movie about NASCAR that looks pretty damn funny. It's by the guys behind Anchorman and 40-Year Old Virgin, and has a great cast including Sacha Baron Cohen as a French villain.

I was sold on this movie when I realized that Ferrell's kids names in it are "Walker" and "Texas Ranger"..ROFL! Check it out HERE. And here's the IMDB link)

(Via GorillaMask)

Monday, February 13, 2006

Tonlistarmyndband Aldarinnar ( I wanna love you tender)

This is a video from some Finnish TV show from the 1970's for a retro duet featuring nordic cheerleaders using poorly-coordinated choreography on what appears to be a discotech in outer space. You know, typical Monday morning stuff..

If for nothing else, this video is a must-see for the sexy and sassy disco dancing. And for all you He-Man fans, the lead singer is a DEAD ringer from Prince Adam from Eternia:

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(figure A: Prince Adam, Finnish Disco guy)

(Click play to watch!)

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Dick Cheney shoots people for fun

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Ok, it might have been labelled an "accident", but I like to think he's so evil he can't help but shoot people whenever he has a gun in his hand..

Cheney accidentally shoots fellow hunter

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and injured a man during a weekend quail hunting trip in Texas, his spokeswoman said Sunday.

Harry Whittington, 78, was "alert and doing fine" after Cheney sprayed Whittington with shotgun pellets on Saturday at the Armstrong Ranch in south Texas, said property owner Katharine Armstrong.

Armstrong said Cheney turned to shoot a bird and accidentally hit Whittington. She said Whittington was taken to Corpus Christi Memorial Hospital by ambulance.

Cheney's spokeswoman, Lea Anne McBride, said the vice president was with Whittington, a lawyer from Austin, Texas, and his wife at the hospital on Sunday afternoon.

(via CNN)

Friday, February 10, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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I really wanted to dog this guy for having the worst tattoos I've ever seen, but I had to stop myself when I realized how magnificent that name is. Anyone called "Mr. Cool Ice" is an instant winner in my book. And I have to give credit to the artist, because it must be pretty hard making a skeleton look gay. Bravo, sir.

Dominik: Real Gangsta!

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Ok, this is one of the worst/best things I've seen in many moons. Dominik (aka real gangsta) is some German dude who clearly spends his free time masturbating to Tupac records. Now I'm a fan of good hip hop, and have been for a long time. But the fact that someone like this exists proves that certain elements of popular hip hop imagery are tearing filthy, dirty crunk holes in the social fabric of nations around the world.

Dominik runs through the entire spectrum of hip hop album cover cliches, including classics like "I'm pointing my invisible desert eagles at you", "I'm so stoned all I can do is sit on the edge of my bed and watch the blunt smoke crawl out of my mouth", as well as many other fine examples of douchebag voguing.

Anyway, check out his gallery. It's good for a Friday laugh..

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(Click Pic for more!)

(Thanks Gabe!)

Will Ferrell- Boss From Hell

This is Will Ferrell at his fucking best. He plays Mr. Tarkanian, a real bastard who beats and threatens to rape his employees. He even kills one of them with a godamned trident. Absolutely wonderful.

Yakuza Movie Poster gallery

This is a sweet collection of Yakuza movie posters..Yakuza are badass. They chop their fingers off at the drop of a hat, and have those awesome tattoos with the giant goldfish and dragons on them. Oh yeah, and they fight good with evil. Just like ninjas. You know, I really can't decide who would win in a battle between ninjas and Yakuza. It's like a puzzle trapped inside a riddle. I just gave myself a headache thinking about it.

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(Click pic for more!)


Thursday, February 09, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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I don't know what's more awesome..the sport of Baby Jumping or that unbelievably perfect tracksuit.

Greenman! 1973

Yet another early 70's Toku classic. You just know it's going to be boss when the first shot features a godamned giant lobster..Lots of non-sensical monsters, plus an added bonus of children being chased by evil googly eyed freaks. Jamming this much awesomeness into 60 seconds is truly impressive.

Nacho Libre Trailer

This is the trailer for the new Jack Black movie "Nacho Libre" where he plays a 70's Mexican Luchador..It's being directed by Jared Hess (Napoleon Dynamite) and looks like a winner to me.Any movie about Lucha Libre and the 70's really can't lose.

(Here's an alternate link..)

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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Ron Burgundy, harbinger of peace.

Mr. Norris, meet Mr. Oar


The Art of Nigel Ayers

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This is a gallery of Nigel Ayers's works entitled "The War Against Terror and The War, On Drugs." I absolutely love these. Imagine Norman Rockwell kids making dirty bombs and huffing glue..Brilliant. Check out the gallery HERE.


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This is a house chock full of Star Wars stuff that made my inner nerd yelp like a little girl out of awe and excitement. (For the record, my inner nerd always yelps like a little girl).

They have life size storm troopers, Han Solo in carbonite, and they even have the original death star! Lots of cool stuff..movie props, cereal boxes, even high school yearbooks from the original cast..(ok, that's a little creepy). Check it out HERE...

Monday, February 06, 2006

Picture Of The Day

Official condom of the Brack Panther Party.

Crazy little midget boy disco attack

Check out this kid's moves! Wicked. The song sounds like someone beating a baby with a cat, but with dance mastery like this I can live with it.

Some Facts About Steven Seagal

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In the tradition of Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris, here are some random facts about Steven Seagal I enjoyed...

In a fight between Batman and Superman, the winner would be Steven Seagal.

Steven Seagal opened Pandora's box. It shut itself out of fear.

If Steven Seagal is late, you better slow the fuck down.

Steven Seagal can touch MC Hammer.

When babies are born, doctors usually slap them in the butt so they will cry. When Steven Seagal was born, he karate-chopped the doctor in the face to make him cry. He never stopped crying. Ever.

Steven Seagal can cook better than your mom.

Steven Seagal does not believe in God. God believes in Steven Seagal.

People die in their sleep when they dream of Steven Seagal.

Steven Seagal doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

Click here for more random Seagal facts, and Check out the top 25 here...

Captain Jackson

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Meet Captain Jackson..A local vigilante who dresses up like Adam West Batman and fights crime in Jackson, Michigan. He and his team of Halloween good doers are on a mission to stop crime in their hometown. Is he a superhero? Let's let the Captain speak for himself..

"And am I really a "Super Hero"? By definition, yes. Do I enjoy this title? No. I`ve always preferred "Independent Crime Fighter". Regardless, myself and my two sidekicks Crimefighter Girl and The Queen of Hearts have become known as Jackson, Michigan`s true Super Heroes. But in reality, it`s the local citizens we work with every day that deserve such a title."

You'll always be a hero to me, Captain. Check out his main page HERE, and an awesome vid of the captain HERE.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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I knew there was a secret! Remember when she lost 184 pounds in 2 days a few years ago? This explains it.


Sometimes all the nerd points you earn wasting your life in front of a flickering screen pay off. Just when I thought the internet had nothing left to offer, I find this. This is a commercial for Ayds, some kind of diet pill from the 80's. Oh my god. Just watch..And when your done with that, check out the second commercial for Ayds..now in regular and peanut butter flavor! Jesus on the cross, this is the best.

Rappin' Rodney

King of self-deprecation and 7th degree gas face master Rodney Dangerfield rocks the mic in this timeless classic. Good lord this is good. I was already sold when Father Guido Sarducci makes a cameo, but when he comes out with the boombox it's officially the best hip hop video of all time.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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Best store name ever. It reminds me of Tipsy McStagger from the Simpsons. And I bet Mr. Booze has got a killer squad of those Japanese beer bots in his booze mansion in the hills.

Asahi's Beer Pouring Robot

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Asahi Breweries in Japan have come up with a promotion where you can win a cool robot that pours beer for you. Just to reiterate: It's a godamned robot that pours beer for you! This couldn't be any more awesome. It's like a slightly less gay version of R2-D2. Brilliant.

Check out the story and more pics HERE...

Keith Richards swings for the fences

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Call me captain obvious, but The Rolling Stones are old. Really, really old. I think they are actually older than some stones. I'm pretty sure Mick Jagger has been dead for 15 years and replaced with a hologram on stage. But F that, Mick looks like the godamned Gerber baby compared to Keith.

I always thought Keith Richards was a hollowed out, zombie drug monkey who couldn't lift his own arms unless he knew that heroin was about to enter his 187 year-old bloodstream..but after watching this clip I stand corrected.

Check out this footage of Mr. Richards swinging his godamned guitar like a war tomahawk at some douchebag fan who bumrushed the stage..So awesome. I bet this guy didn't wake up that day expecting to be clocked with a fender strat by a heroin mummy.

Check out the video HERE..

(via Metafilter)

Satan is a Dentist

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I went to the Dentist today and had an awesome time! Just kidding. It was the worst. It's always the worst. There's nothing like a stranger putting her gloved hands in your mouth poking around the inside of your head with demon tools to make you question the existence of God.

Why is that? Why is going to the Dentist such a consistently horrible experience? And why do I have to listen to Pat Benetar while someone tooth rapes me? And what's up with Science? We have robots on Mars and unmanned attack drones bombing cities we can't pronounce, and dentistry is still in the fucking stone age. Why haven't the science wizards come up with some mouthwash or toothpaste that fixes everything? I seriously want Pfizer to make a pill so all my teeth fall out, then I could get dentures so I never have to go to that horrible place again. And the BEST PART is I have to get my wisdom teeth pulled, which I hear is totally radical mouth party not to be missed. I can't wait!

I've never been under the knife, and am so not comfortable with needles or drills. They might have to strap me down, or I might just kick the tooth scraping lady in the baby maker...Damn evil dentists...