Sunday, July 31, 2005

Everybody Dance Now!

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Man, when is the new Ali G season starting? I need a Borat fix.

(FYI: You can download every episode from HBO season 1+2 and the old british shows here, along with the insanely funny "Best Of Borat". Don't say I never gave you nuthin!)

Friday, July 29, 2005

Week Odds and Ends

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Well the weekend is here, and I have an exciting few days to look forward to. (Not really.) If relaxing means partying and reading books and doing homework are like drinking and hanging out with friends, then I am going to RAGE!! Anyway, here is some random stuff for you for your weekend..

First off, I just saw a wicked cool documentary today called "March of The Penguins." It was really well done. I had no idea how cool penguins were. It follows the life of South Pole Emperor Penguins, and it's narrated by Morgan Freeman. I swear, that guy could read directions off the back of a shampoo bottle and it would sound deep.

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(Click on Penguin for info!)

The illustrious Professor Nanda sent me this link to BustedTees..They got some funny shirts I would totally think of buying if I had a damn credit card...

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Back in the day, the band A-HA made a video for their song "Take On Me" that kicked alot of ass...( anyone who doesn't remember it, watch it here.) This is a spoof on that by the Family Guy..

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This is a really cool Ink book art gallery with many different artist works in a Flash notebook format...

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Old school Blaxploitation movies are amazing. (IMHO, Black Belt Jones has some of the best characters and dialogue in cinematic history.) Equally terrific are the radio ads promoting these movies. This is a post with 28 Classic Blaxploitation radio ads in mp3 format. Click on pic below..Great for any DJ/Producer looking for samples or mix-tape interludes.. (Mantis, I'm looking at you!)

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Here is a interesting collection of photos entitled "
The Hyena People of Nigeria" by photographer Pieter Hugo. (Mental note: Never fight anyone from Nigeria. They are obviously very, very tough.)

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This is a strange game promoting The Chemical Brother's new album "Push The Button"...(Check out "Galvanize" with Q-Tip.) Any game where I can breakdance and fight a reptilian DJ at the same time is ok in my book.

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Speaking of good music, check out this awesome band some friends of mine are in from NYC..They're called Boss Tweed, and their sound is a unique blend of blues, Rockabilly and Soul..NPR's "All Thing's Considered" featured their song "Pretty Violent", and that show kicks ass, so you know these guys are doing their thing. My friend Gerard (who's also in a kick ass GNR tribute band "Mr. Brownstone") sent me their CD, and I like it alot! Coming from a certifiable music prick like me who usually hates everything, that's saying something. Click the pic and check em out!!

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Check out Gigposter..This amazing site has a collection of nearly 45,000 concert posters, indexed by band and designer. Holy God I'm going to spend alot of time going through these!!! Unreal.

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Here are some sweet pic on any of the pics I made below to make your own...

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And finally, what weekend would be complete without some full contact Muay Thai boxing? Check this video out, it's great. Especially because at the end of the match a full on, chair-throwing riot breaks out!! Insane! Click the pic to watch.. Kiaa!!!!!!!

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That's all for now, internet brethren. Happy Fin De Semana!!

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Picture Of The Day

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I know, it's only Rock 'N' Roll. But I like it.

Hair Battle!

Everyone knows that shitty haircuts are the best. It's a fact. Look it up if you don't believe me. All those "Cool" and "hip" haircuts are for geek nerds with no style. If I meet a person who sucks in every way but has a tremendously poor haircut, I really can't help but like them a bit no matter how hard I try not to. So, in the spirit of the Asshole battles on my previous blog, I present three men of equal hair merit and ask the question:

Who's hair reigns supreme?

#1: Donald Trump.

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Trump's head is a pop icon. I used to watch his NBC show "You're Fired" just to gaze in wonder at his hypnotic domepiece. His perpetual breaking-wave combover has made the man-buffont a look worthy of any billionare. Some haters say it must be a toupee. This is irrelevant. It is a marvel of modern physics. The Donald says "I don't say my hair is my greatest strength in the world, but it's not terrible".

I agree. If anything, it's terribly amazing.

#2: James Trafficant.

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The Former Ohio Representative was expelled after being convicted of corruption, but will forever remain a god within the halls of haircut legend. His "Gorilla of the People" hairdo stirs controversy everywhere it goes. Many say it's a toupee. But Mr. T adamantly denies it. In his words: "Am I different? Yeah. Deep down, you know you want to wear wider bottoms; you're just not secure enough. . . Do I do my hair with a Weed Whacker? I admit."

Don't tell them a thing Jimmy. Hair of your caliber needs no excuses.

#3: Gary Spivey.

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Mr. Spivey is world-renowned for his psychic talent and his uncanny ability to predict future catastrophic events. He also posesses one of the strangest haircuts of all time. Like Mr. Traficant, many believe it is some kind of ridiculous hair piece. Regardless, the fact that no human on Earth has hair that looks even remotely close to his warrants discussion. I want to carry a picture of him in my wallet so whenever someone says "that's not possible" I can pull it out and show them his hair and say "No you're wrong! See this? Anything is possible."

So there are the three contestants. But only one can crowned hair king.
In the name of science, I encourage you all to vote for your favorite... Then we can decide who's 'do rules them all.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Picture Of The Day

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This is a picture of the the late, great Jimmy "Orion" Ellis. He was considered by many to be the King of Elvis impersonators, and had a voice uncanny in it's similarity. The Sun Records artist was named Orion and wore a mask to generate mystique and the possibility that he might actually have been Elvis himself. He was named after a book by Gail Brewer Giorgio about a singer who became so famous that he couldn't go anywhere or do anything. He became more or less a prisoner of his own fame, faked his own death and attended his own funeral as his own pallbearer.

But Orion was a one of a kind. "I don't wear jumpsuits like Elvis did," Orion said. "Just say I dress Orion-style."

Whatever "Orion-style" is, it's pretty fucking awesome.

Heros of the week

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The world is full of heros. Driven men and women who sacrifice everything to be the best of the best. It takes alot of hard work become a champion. The path to victory is is paved with blood, sweat, and tears, and can only be walked alone. This week we honor two people who's display of dedication and unwavering strength make them American heros.

Today we salute Lance Armstrong And Patrick Tribbett. Sure, one may be a 7-Time Tour de France winner and the other a criminally mischievous inhalant abuser, but both are champions in their own way. These men listened to that voice inside of all of us that tells us to "Go For The Gold". And both achieved their dreams. It's true that anyone can win. But it takes a little something extra to become a warrior. Congratulations, gentlemen. We salute you.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Deep Roy Is A Pimp

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I just saw the new Willy Wonka flick and absolutely loved it. It really made me laugh alot, and the Oompa-Loompa songs were so good I wanted to punch myself in the face. Deep Roy for President!!!!

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Picture Of The Day

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This is from a movie called "Calamari Wrestler". Here's the plot:

"A championship wrestling match pits Koji Taguchi against Crush Volcano, the latter no match for Koji's signature move, the Torture Ring Strangler. Koji beams as he clutches the Champion Belt, only to have it snatched away by a mysterious new challenger in the ring--a giant squid! A giant squid, in fact, who not only evades Koji's key attack, but destroys him with a Northern Light Suplex! Koji's fiancee Miyako watches tearfully, though there's something about this Calamari Wrestler that seems familiar to her."

This is Boss beyond words. It's like I always say... Japan is alot like Christopher Walken. Wicked weird, but wicked awesome.


Magic is cool if it's done right. I don't mean that rabbit out of a top hat crap, I mean David Blaine type magic that makes you wonder if the guy sold his soul to Satan and is actually a wizard. This is a clip of a unidentified asian game show where the magician makes a sandwich appear out of a McDonalds poster and takes a bite and puts it back. Just watch it. It's pretty awesome! David Blaine might have some competition with this guy! (Note: The video is clean, but the site has some borderline NSFW pics on it.)

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(click the McSorcerer to watch!)

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Greetings Aliens!!

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Brace yourselves, Monkiacs. The words you are now reading are being transmitted into outer space. The letters I am typing at this very moment are being shot across the infinite void of the universe. Thanks to the brilliance of the science wizards at Blog in Space, I now have the opportunity to pollute the galaxy with nonsense. This has always been a dream of mine.

Listen to the wizards explain the process:

" is a free service for bloggers allowing them to submit their blog feeds for transmission into deep space. The site will aggregate blog content into transmission packages and send the content into deep space via a powerful earth-based satellite broadcast.

"I've always believed that other intelligent life forms are out there, and now, for the first time, they will be able to peer into the life of average Homo sapiens." explained Ted Murphy, President and CEO of MindComet. "We are giving bloggers the opportunity to send a piece of their lives into space to potentially connect with extraterrestrials."

So cool. I totally plan on writing a post this week that does nothing but attempt to start a massive intergalactic war with Space Aliens. I gotta work on that. It's gonna take time to write something clever enough to fool those little guys. (Have you seen the size of their heads? )

In the meantime, I bet this will piss them off.

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"Hoff power is infinite!"

On a side note, posts might be slow coming this week. I have so much school work to do it's ridiculous.

Here's a gif to illustrate:

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Monday, July 18, 2005

Gym people

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So I joined the YMCA this weekend. I'm pretty tired of working out at home, and figured I could use a change of environment. But after going a few times I've already realized why I chose to work out at home.

Professional Gym people.

I shouldn't say people, as I plan on focusing my wrath on men who go to the gym as as a social activity. For the most part, the women there seem to be there to excercise. But so many guys at my gym totally suck at life. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for being in shape, but when I look around the gym
and see people not working out at all. What the hell is going on? I'm sitting on a bike, sweating like a hooker in church while all these meatbags with no necks spend their time pretending they're not flexing and posing while "hanging out" with their dixie cups of water, totally checking each other out in the mirrors on the walls and ceilings.

I truly wish sterilization upon them all. But instead of dwelling on it, I just close my eyes, listen to my Ipod, and disappear them with a giant hand cannon in my mind.

I dunno, maybe it's just me. I'm just not used to being in a room filled with so many douchebags at once. It's silly. And while I'm running off at the mouth, there are some people who stay naked way too long in the locker room. I go in to wash up and use the bathroom, and it's like old man naked party 2005. People high-fiving each other, talking about stocks and bullshitting with their tackle out. Ridiculous. Here's a tip: If when you're naked you look like you're wearing a flesh colored raincoat, put some shorts on, will you pal? You're grossing us all out. I don't pay 40 bucks a month to look at male genitalia. I go to a special club for that.

Anyway, I'm done. Do any of you know what I'm talking about?

Sunday, July 17, 2005

One day the robots will rise up and kill us all

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Robot Jockeys Race Camels In Qatar

July 15th- Technology met tradition this week, when a camel race in Doha, Qatar for the first time featured robots at the reins. On July 13, workers fixed robotic jockeys on the backs of seven camels and raced the machine-mounted animals around a track. Operators controlled the jockeys remotely, signaling them to pull their reins and prod the camels with whips.

This feat of technology was also a development in human rights. Racing-camel owners in many Persian Gulf countries traditionally use children as jockeys, sometimes as young as four years old. Faced with pressure from human rights groups, Qatar outlawed the practice last December and looked to technology to keep the races running.

Officials approached the Swiss robotics firm K-Team, which came up with a compact solution. The new robot jockeys weigh 57 pounds (26 kilograms) and cost about U.S. $5,500 each.

The market for these robotic riders may soon be growing. In April the United Arab Emirates announced that it too would use robots in camel races. And in May, Oman declared a ban on child jockeys, effective this fall.

Sheik Abdullah bin Saud, the Qatari official in charge of the robot project, told the Associated Press in April that the goal of the program was to "improve the speed, the weight, the aerodynamics, to reach the ultimate goal of completely phasing out children used as jockeys."

(Found on National Geograhic)

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Picture Of The Day

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This is Dr. Gori, the evil monkey doctor from the late 70's show Spectraman. According to the nerd sites I frequent, "He failed to take over his home planet, so he fleed from it. He lied aimless in the galaxy before finally reaching the Earth. He was fascinated by its beauty but he was disgusted by its flaw: pollution. Furious, Gori decided to erase the planet to rebuild a new garden of Eden by sending monsters born from pollution to punish the stupid Earthlings."

Tell me that doesn't sound like an awesome idea.

"For Your Height Only"

Allow me to introduce you to Weng Wang.

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"Agent 00" licking shots at bumbaclots.

Mr. Wang is a 3-foot tall Filipino Movie Star, and the main hero "Agent 00" in the fantastic movie soon-to-be added to my collection called "For Your Height Only".

What is this movie you say? Well prepare yourself.

"Mr. Giant has kidnapped the brilliant Dr. Van Kohler and is planning to use the Doctor's invention, the N-bomb, to hold the world hostage. The only one who can foil Mr. Giant's evil scheme is Agent 00, a 3-foot-tall filipino martial arts master, expert marksman, top-class romancer and all-around superspy. Can Agent 00 rescue Dr. Kohler before it's too late?"

I really hope so. I want to see this more than I want World Peace.

There are many, many reasons to see this. For example:

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Where else besides your dreams can you see a midget fly?

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Or see a 3-foot midget fight a regular sized midget in a 1970's kitchen battle?

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But don't worry ladies...

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There's plenty of romance in this action packed thriller.

Man, I'm so excited to get this. I want to see it more than Indian Superman and Turkish Star Wars combined. Here's an awesome review with some terrific pictures, and a place to order it. (copies are super expensive!) But wait..Wanna see a clip of it? You bet your sweet midget-loving ass you do. Watch THIS! No one kicks 70's Goons asses like Weng Wang! Can I get a witness?!?

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Picture Of The Day

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"One mustache. Shaken, not stirred."

I got a bad feeling about this...

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'Human Brained' Monkeys

By Nick Buchan of

July 11, 2005

SCIENTISTS have been warned that their latest experiments may accidently produce monkeys with brains more human than animal.

In cutting-edge experiments, scientists have injected human brain cells into monkey fetuses to study the effects.

Critics argue that if these fetuses are allowed to develop into self-aware subjects, science will be thrown into an ethical nightmare.

An eminent committee of American scientists will call for restrictions into the research, saying the outcome of such studies cannot be predicted and may in fact produce subjects with a 'super-animal' intelligence.

The high-powered committee of animal behaviourists, lawyers, philosophers, bio-ethicists and neuro-scientists was established four years ago to examine the growing numbers of human/monkey experiments.

These procedures, known as 'human-primate chimeras', involve the combination of human and monkey cells, tissue and DNA to observe any effect and examine the possibility that such combination could actually exist.

Chimeras are mythical monsters from Greek literature, which combined various bodyparts from lions, goats nd snakes.

This team will soon publish its conclusions in leading journal Science. In the report the committee will address such unsettling questions as whether introducing human cells into non-human primate brains could cause "significant physical or biochemical changes that make the brain more human-like" and how those changes could be detected.

The committee will also examine how detectable differences in the monkey's brains, for example emotional or behavioural changes, or if the monkeys developed 'self awareness', could be measured - and dealt with.

"What we were trying to do was anticipate - recognising that if science were to take that path there might be some different kinds of moral challenges." said committee co-chairman Dr Ruth Faden, a professor in biomedical ethics.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Picture Of The Day

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Honestly. Do I really need a reason to post a picture of General Zod? Cmon! He's the ruler of Planet Houston! And he wears his leathery man-blouse with such style and finesse! Not even the Son of Jor-el could fuck with this guy. Kneel before ZOD!

Please Lindsay, Eat!

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What is up with celebrities being so godamned skinny?!? Did we lose a war or something? These people make tons and tons of money, but look like they're starving. Doesn't make sense to me. Back in the olden times, being fat was a sign of wealth and prosperity. Not anymore. These days, if the paparazzi can't see your heart beating from ten feet away you aren't nearly fabulous enough for the Hollywood "It" list.

Now Lindsay Lohan is WICKED skinny. She used to be hot, but now she looks like a wet bird. I usually don't sign online petitions, but this one seemed very important. It's the "Please Lindsay, Eat!" petition. It says:

To: Lindsay

We urge you Lindsay to please, pick up a sandwich and eat it, or ice cream, or any food that might put those oh so cute pounds back on.


The Undersigned

I'm number 30,644. I hope she reads my message. I really am worried about her out of control lifestyle. I read on the internet that she dropkicked Herbie the Love Bug during one of her cocaine rages. Please. Do sign. By doing so you may help save Ms. Lohan from her 80 pound self. Red bull and marlboros are no kind of breakfast for a young growing girl.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Picture Of The Day

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Hail Lord Lucifer, Prince of Darkness! Bequeath your mortal souls, and bow before the Leviathan! Do not falter in your devotion. Or thy fallen soul will be the fodder of the hounds of hell.

How to Argue Effectively

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-Morton Downey Jr. engaging a guest

So I'm taking this class right now on Ethics and a major part of it is analyzing the structure of arguments. I personally suck at arguing, so I avoid it at all costs. I was talking to my friend Toby earlier today and he reminded me of this awesome method for winning arguments written by Dave Barry. At some point or another one of your cheeky friends probably emailed this to you. If so I could care less. Read it again. It's good. I tried the Hitler tactic on my mom the other day when she said something notably dim while driving in the car. She almost slapped herself out of sheer confusion. Trust me. These techniques really work. Read on:

Dave Barry- "How To Argue Effectively"

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:

Drink Liquor

Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you are drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have strong views about the Peruvian economy. You'd be a wealth of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insight and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.

Make Things Up

Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that you are underpaid, and you'll be damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. Don't say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say instead: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 below the mean gross poverty level."

NOTE: Always make up exact figure. If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make that up too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published an May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the some tone of voice you would use to say, "You left your soiled underwear in my bathroom."

Use Meaningless But Weighty- Sounding Words and Phrases

Memorize this list:

Let me put it this way
In terms of
Per se
As it were
So to speak

You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations sued as "Q.E.D.", "e.g." and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you don't." Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say: "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money." You never win argument talking like that. But you WILL win if you say, "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians quo Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se as it were. Q.E.D." Only a fool would challenge that statement.

Use Snappy and Irrelevant Comebacks

You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:

You're begging the question.
You're being defensive.
Don't compare apples to orange.
What are your parameters?

This last one is especially valuable. Nobody other than engineers and policy wonks has the vaguest idea what "parameters " means. Here's how to use your comeback:
You say: "As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873..." Your opponent says: "Lincoln died in 1865." You say: "You're begging the question."
You say: "Liberians, like most Asians.. ," Your opponent says: "Liberia is in Africa." You say: "You're being defensive."

Compare Your Opponent to Adolf Hitler

This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say: "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say." or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."

So that's it. You now know how-to out-argue anybody. Do not try to pull any of this on people who generally carry weapons.

Monday, July 11, 2005

This Godless Communism

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-Karl Marx, seen here penning his evil works.

I heart propaganda. It's no lie. It's truly one of my favorite things. Whenever corporations, organizations, or governments take it upon themselves to dish out the crazy, I'm on it like Robert Downey Jr. on cocaine.

I wish I had lived in the 50's if just to have born witness to the ridiculous Red scare that swept over this land. I think I would have been one of those people that sally pants J. Edgar Hoover rounded up for being a potential Commie bastard. One look at my beady eyes and bolshevik beard and I'd have been gassed or sent to the American equivalent of the Gulag.

This is a comic book published by the Catholic Guild in 1961 called "This Godless Communism."

Here are a few of my favorites from it:

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Take it easy, comrade! You said that right in front of the church dudes. Not cool.

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Look at the younglings on the edge of their seats. Brainwashing is so riveting!

Plenty of good stuff. Check it out here..

(via Boing-Boing)

Sunday, July 10, 2005


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Hello internet. Sorry it's been a few days since posting. I had to write something today even if I have nothing to say. I think I'm getting a bit OCD. When I don't post for more than a few days I have to put something up or it makes my brain itch. I got 2 classes starting tomorrow, and am looking forward to showcasing my admirable attempt at a mustache for a new set of spectators. The books I am assigned are terrific. I'm reading one right now called "Seventeenth Summer" for my Adolescent Literature class that is a real winner. It's the heartfelt tale of a 17 year old girl and the magical summer when she falls in love with that special boy. I have to share the description with you. It's so my kind of book! Check it:

Seventeenth Summer

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"What better time than summer for a little romance? Except for Angie, who doesn't really date. Didn't date, that is -- until she saw Jack Duluth's crew cut peeking out over a booth in McKnight's drugstore one night.

He looked over at me, smiled, and then sat down again.

Thus starts a summer Angie will never forget -- one full of spine chills, total bliss, heartache, and confusion...all the feelling that spell love."

Being a 28 year old grown ass man reading this in July in classes with young people makes me feel kind of dirty inside, but that's ok. I like the looks I get in airports reading this. I think I know how Michael Jackson feels when people judge him with their eyes. I have to read one called "Diary Of a Teenage Girl" next. I think I'll read it in Starbucks as much as possible, hopefully causing the squad of Avril Levigne baristas to feel a bit put off. Anyway, I'll be back this week with more nonsense. If anyone has read this, feel free to email me the Cliff's notes..

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Dog Disguise

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This is awesome. These folks are pitching dog disguises to make them look like other kinds of dogs. Absolutely brilliant. What better way to make your dog a little more confused about it's existence. I'll let the site speak for itself:

"Are you sick of people looking at your breed of dog in fear because politicians and the media are saying things like;

"We want to breed these dogs out of existence,"

"They are killing machines on a leash."

"These breeds don't belong in our community"

Well worry no longer, attachchi will be making disguises for all the so called 'dangerous breeds'. Now you can go to the park with your kids and your dog (like you have been doing for years), without the worry of people thinking you are a bad parent. All our Invisible Breed Products are FREE to to responsible owners."

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(click on kit to get your own!)

I got four poodles in the making at home right now that would look so stupid if I did this. Even though cocker spaniels are far from threatening, I might just have to indulge my sense of humor and get this.