Monkeys For Helping

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Picture Of The Day

I would, but It looks like someone already took care of you.

Ego Clash: Aleksey Vayner Vs. Brian Atene

As I've been infected by a slight case of blogslack, these two guys slipped through my nerd fingers over the past few weeks. I'm truly stumped by this one. I can't decide which of them has the biggest ego. Maybe you can help me decide. Either way, it's an excuse to post their awesome stories.

Aleksey Vayner

I'm pretty sure this guy comes up in the triple digits when you google the word asshole. At least he should. It's like he's a quigi board channeling the ghost of Douche Bag's past. Here's the basic story: Aleksey was a Yale student that sent around a video resume chock full of ridiculous lies and questionable physical "feats" to a company with the tag line "Impossible Is Nothing." The video was so absurd it became instant viral material. Here are some of Vayner's apparent claims:

He was employed by both the Mafia and the CIA during his childhood.

The Dalai Lama had apparently written his college recommendation.

He has killed two dozen men in Tibetan gladiatorial contests.

He claimed that he "is one of four people in the state of Connecticut qualified to handle nuclear waste".

And the list goes on and on. For more on Vayner go HERE and HERE and HERE. And here my friends is the infamous video. Enjoy.

Brian Atene

brian

"Good day, Mr. Kubrick." And so it begins, the acting tape that caught the attention of the world. But clearly the world wasn't ready for the acting skills of Brian Atene. Mr. Atene sent a video to Stanley Kubrick in 1984 when he was seeking talented young actors for Full Metal Jacket. Suffice it to say, Brian didn't make the cut. But with quotes like "You will find in me the finest actor of the lot, the most beautifully trained, the most capable", it's no wonder he didn't get his chance. In the video he delivers one of the worst performances I've ever seen. His overacting is truly in a category all by itself. Not since Darrel Bluett have I felt so incredibly bad for someone attempting to impress an audience.

Since the video, people have come forward claiming to be Atene, and further complicated the story. For more on Atene, go HERE and HERE. And here is the video that started it all...

So who do you think takes the prize? I'm leaning towards Vayner. But you gotta give some credit to Atene..the guy actually tried to act whereas Vayner pretty much lied about everything in his vid. Man, this is hard!! But I suppose we all win when assholes of this caliber allow us a glimpse into their deluded worlds. What do you think?

posted at 8:58 PM by Recon
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The Wilhelm Scream

As soon as I heard it, it I instantly recognized it. Funny how Hollwood cuts corners...from Panopticist:

"In 1951, a sound designer on a Gary Cooper western called Distant Drums needed to overdub a scream onto a scene in which a man is killed by an alligator. He brought a contract actor into his studio and rolled tape as the man did six brief, anguished screams in one take. These screams were then added to the Warner Brothers sound library, and over the next couple of decades they found their way into dozens of Warner Brothers films.

In the mid-'70s, a young sound designer named Ben Burtt gave these sounds a name: "the Wilhelm scream," after a character in one of the earliest films that utilized the sounds. A couple of years later, Burtt was hired to work on a film called Star Wars. As an homage, he overdubbed the scream onto a scene in that film. Then he overdubbed it onto a scene in The Empire Strikes Back. And Return of the Jedi. A fellow Lucasfilm sound designer began using the Wilhelm too, in Raiders of the Lost Ark and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, among other movies. And thus a film-geek in-joke was born. In the last 30 years the Wilhelm has been used winkingly in dozens of movies and TV shows, from Reservoir Dogs and The X-Files to Aladdin and Return of the King.."

Check out the video someone put together of alot of the FX's uses...

(via Panopticist)

posted at 8:50 PM by Recon
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Boxed Thoughts

This is a wicked cool idea..think I'll sign up..From the site: " Boxedthoughts is a collective snippet of human thought; a thoughtstream. The thoughtstream represents the flow of thought or thoughts that embodies humanity. All thoughts are anonymous."

Cool? Yes. Uncensored? No. There are "thought police" that make sure people like me don't use it for a scribble space for poo haikus. Fuck it, it's pretty cool nonetheless. Check it out HERE.

(via Neatorama)

posted at 8:39 PM by Recon
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The People's Mustache

This man is officially my new hero.

(Myspacers: add him!)

posted at 8:23 PM by Recon
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What is love? the remixes

Someone spent some serious time scouring YTMND. This is a series of clips of the What is love? guys bobbing their heads remixed and chopped to internet perfection. They even did new versions of the music for each homage..My favorites are the Dschingis Kahn version and of course the Randy Macho Man Savage version...So fucking awesome.

(Click pic for site!)

(via presurfer)

posted at 8:08 PM by Recon
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Walkin, Talkin, Macaulay Culkin

Hey there people, sorry for the post drought.. I haven't had much time for my daily nerd exercises, as I just started a new job walking dogs. For those of you who can't read, here's what that might look like..

And here's what it doesn't look like..

thor-dogs

And here's what it definitely doesn't look like..

img3tx3

Got it? good. And if you need a better excuse for my blogsloth, please feel free to choose from this comprehensive list. Now please sit back and enjoy this clip of a subway performer I caught today at 42nd street. 2 words: Midget Michael. Wooo!

posted at 7:12 PM by Recon
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Friday, November 24, 2006

Picture Of The Day

Who says blasphemy can't make for beautiful comedy.

Labels: pictures

posted at 6:50 PM by Recon
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Japanese Spiderman Redux

You might remember Japanese Spiderman from the f irst glorious clip I posted a while back. I was cruising through TV In Japan earlier, and found another clip that inspired me to do a bit of Youtube googling for more Toei goodness. Well seek and ye shall find. In this clip, Tokyo Spidey battles what looks like The Thing from a Turkish knockoff of The Fantastic Four. Suffice it to say, shit gets completely out of hand.

And then it goes from out of hand directly to warp factor stupid.

posted at 6:40 PM by Recon
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BK Surprise

Chuck Norris, meet the Burger King.

posted at 6:17 PM by Recon
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Flash Photography

posted at 6:16 PM by Recon
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Walking Motorbike

This thing is awesome. It reminds me of the shitty Gonk power droid from Star Wars. But that's only because I'm a raging nerd.

(via Neatorama)

posted at 2:20 PM by Recon
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Happy Turkey Day!

Hope everyone enjoyed the party.

warrior1en3sy

I got really excited for Turkey.

lost-dog.thumbnail

And stuffed myself to the gills. Mmm. Turkey..

posted at 2:12 PM by Recon
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Monday, November 20, 2006

Picture Of The Day

Dear God. Any guesses as to what the music is like on this album? I bet it makes Yoko Ono sound like a chorus of angels.

(via PCL Linkdump)

Labels: pictures

posted at 11:59 PM by Recon
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Darkon: The Movie

Ok, this is definitely on my must see list. Here's the synopsis according to South by Southwest:

"Everybody wants to be a hero. This documentary takes a good look into the bizarre and fascinating world of Darkon. Darkon is a full-contact medieval fantasy wargaming group, active in the Baltimore/Washington area since 1985. Every other Sunday, between 150 and 300 members gather in costume and armor to fight unchoreographed mock battles with padded weaponry. For most, it is much more than a game." (link)

Check out the trailer:

Sweet. I'm like a kid in a candy store. Except the store is the internet, and the candy is a juice crew of overweight nerds with swords.

(thanks Gabe!)

posted at 11:58 PM by Recon
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Huge TV episodes list

Since Youtube could pull a Napster any day now, this huge list of streamable/downloadable TV shows might be a good one to bookmark. There is a ton of good stuff in here..from Arrested Development to Iron Chef. I'm catching up on BBC Extras season 2 right now. Redundant, yes. But it must be said. I fucking heart the internet. Suck it, HBO.

Check out the archive HERE..

(R.I.P. Gene Rayburn, microphone pioneer, master of hyaena face.)

(via Dybnotron)

posted at 11:56 PM by Recon
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Famous Last Words

2Spare has a collection of famous things said before dying that is worth a look...Some of my favorites:

"Dammit... Don't you dare ask God to help me." -Joan Crawford. This comment was directed towards her housekeeper who began to pray aloud.

"LSD, 100 kilograms I.M" - Aldous Huxley To his wife. She obliged and he was injected twice before his death.

And my favorite..

"Get these fucking nuns away from me." -Norman Douglas

Check out the rest HERE.

(via 2Spare)

posted at 11:53 PM by Recon
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Sluggo Is Zen As Hell

I can feel my mind drifting away...

(via Boing Boing)

posted at 11:51 PM by Recon
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Rat Shoot Rangers

Maybe it's my relentless poker addiction, but I'm just nutty for these card themed superheros. Or it could be the fact that they shoot exploding rats out of a cannon they assembled in mid air. God bless you, 1970's Japanese television. Your strangeness make me feel A-ok about my obvious eccentricity.

(TV In Japan)

posted at 11:50 PM by Recon
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Friday, November 17, 2006

Picture Of The Day

you are so bagged, dude.

Labels: pictures

posted at 3:42 PM by Recon
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Punch-Out Rock Out

Check out this mega-rad cover of the NES Punch-Out theme..So good. Plus they get bonus points for the super fresh gear.Wait till :38...that's when they pump up the jams. The Minibosses officially have some stiff competition.

(via Gorillamask)

posted at 3:32 PM by Recon
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30 Years Of Super Sentai

This is a history lesson I can fully get behind. Japanese kids get all the good educational TV. Watch as some fast talking teens explain 30 years of Super Sentai in trademark synapse-numbing Japanese panache. Fabulous. I just transformed into a nerd and unleashed a geek attack on myself.

(via TV In Japan)

posted at 3:14 PM by Recon
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Obey Wizard Frog

Honestly, if this thing started talking in a high pitched voice and asked me to help it find an ancient treasure I wouldn't be surprised in the least.

posted at 3:07 PM by Recon
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Mr. T Virtual Playset

Listen up, sucka! No time for the Jibba Jabba. Click the pic, fool.

(via The Presurfer)

posted at 2:26 PM by Recon
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Spiderman 3: Venom!

I was a big Spidey fan as a kid, and IMHO so far the movies have been "eh"..but the new one has Venom in it, and my nerd heart is all a twitter as a result. Sony decided to be douchebags and not release footage of Venom in the trailer, but here it is. Fanboys rejoice. Our day has come.

posted at 2:12 PM by Recon
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10,000 Quid As Dominoes

This might not be technically a science post, but that is the only thing my wee brain can use to explain this effectively. Watch 10,000 British pound coins do some domino science for a commercial. I wish Domino science was a real field of study. I'd be on that shit like nerds on Unix.

posted at 1:53 PM by Recon
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Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Picture Of The Day

It's nice to see the kid from "Almost Famous" is still getting work.

Labels: pictures

posted at 11:43 AM by Recon
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List Of Faux Pas

Wiki has a huge list of Faux Pas from around the world...Some of them are really interesting...

From Japan: When beckoning someone with a hand gesture, hold you hand flat with your palm down, then flex your fingers towards the ground. To crook the finger(s) up in the air is considered obscene.

From China, Taiwan: Giving someone a knife as a gift is a faux pas, indicating that you mean them harm or you wish to kill them. Giving them even numbers of knives DOES NOT negate them.

From Bangladesh: Closing one's eyes during a meal is said to invite demonic possession of the hosts.

From Iraq: The "Thumbs Up" gesture is considered an offensive insult.

Wow, good there aren't any Americans over there! oh, wait..

Check out the whole list HERE.

(via Boing Boing)

posted at 11:29 AM by Recon
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Neal Peart- 9 Minute Solo

Two awesome things about Rush: Geddy Lee looks exactly like a Fraggle, and Neal Peart is fucking bananas on the drums. Watch this amazing solo and tell me he's not one of the illest drummers you've ever seen.

posted at 11:21 AM by Recon
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Don't F**k With The Jesus!

posted at 11:09 AM by Recon
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Dennis The Menace Vs. Fight Club

Tyler Durden, meet Mr. Wilson. I can't stop laughing at these. Best mash up since He-Man and 4 Non Blondes. Check em out HERE and more HERE.

(via Gorillasushi)

posted at 10:55 AM by Recon
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Free Online Movie Archive

Hurrah, free things rule. Check out this huge collection of Youtube links, complete with lots and lots of movies. You can watch flicks like Napoleon Dynamite, Waiting For Guffman, Donnie Darko, Akira, and even You, Me, And Dupree if you are feeling extra Douchish. Right now I'm catching up with Labyrinth and David Bowie's sweet man perm. Check out the archive HERE.

(via Digg)

posted at 10:40 AM by Recon
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Daler Mehndi - Tunak Tunak Tun

This is what your dream would look like if you stayed up late watching Jon Lovitz movies, eating Tikka Masala, and playing Mortal Kombat. From now on, "Tunaking" will be known as dancing in the most awesome of ways. (See 1:52 for details.)

(via Neatorama)

posted at 10:21 AM by Recon
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Yoink!

Haha..sucker.

posted at 10:13 AM by Recon
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Thursday, November 09, 2006

Picture Of The Day

Labels: pictures

posted at 2:02 PM by Recon
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Old Lady Close Talker

Close talkers make me so uncomfortable, maybe that's why I enjoy this so much. By the end of the clip, her head is on the lady's chest! LOL!

(via TV in Japan)

posted at 1:58 PM by Recon
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Mmm, People!

Robot Identifies Human Flesh As Bacon

Researchers at NEC System technologies and Mie University have designed a metal man gastronomist, "an electromechanical sommelier", capable of identifying wines, cheeses, meats and hors d'oeuvres. Upon being given a sample, he will speak up in a childlike voice and identify what he has just been fed. The idea is that wineries can tell if a wine is authentic without even opening the bottle, amongst other more obscure uses...like "tell me what this strange grayish lump at the back of my freezer is/was."

But when some smart aleck reporter placed his hand in the robot's omnivorous clanking jaw, he was identified as bacon. A cameraman then tried and was identified as prosciutto.

And this just in from my Apocalypse bunker: Run for the bloody hills before it's too late.

(via Wired via South Coast Today)

posted at 1:15 PM by Recon
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LotiON

*For those who don't get it, watch this and this. And don't forget to putthefuckinglotioninthebaaaasket!!!

posted at 12:39 PM by Recon
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Oooooh yeah!!!

If I could crush Randy Savage into fine powdery street drugs, I'd be the next Pete Escobar. Take a hit. He's good for what ails ya.

Bonus Machomania: the Space Ghost C2C episode (IMO the best one ever) where Macho Man plays SG's grandfather. ooooh yeah.

posted at 12:27 PM by Recon
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Good Ol' Boys

If only I could embed "Dueling Banjos" in this post.

posted at 12:17 PM by Recon
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Belinda Bedekovic- Keytar Goddess

Alongside handlebar mustaches and monkeys knife fights, keytars and those that play them rank up at the top of my holyshitawesome list. I saw Ms. Bedekovic playing alongside Borat on Conan, and was mesmerized by her lightning fast fingers. So I asked internet, and found this video of her keytar steez that is truly retro-glorious. Watching it is kind of like doing meth backstage with a Flock of Seagulls. Except I feel no need to run so far away.

posted at 11:57 AM by Recon
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Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Picture Of The Day

Politics aren't fun anymore. Remember when we had a president who made movies with monkeys? And a first lady who kicked it with Mr. T and Arnold Drummond? I just couldn't imagine Laura Bush on Dog The Bounty Hunter's lap. It just wouldn't be the same. God I miss the 80's.

Labels: pictures

posted at 10:29 PM by Recon
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Indian Superman returns!

Like the many powerful arms of Vishnu, the movie Indian Superman must have many incarnations, each more fantastically retro-awesome than the last. I have seen/posted alot of clips from different versions, but none is as fabulous as the one you are about to see.

This clip is from a flick called "Dariya Dil" and has some of the best dancing I've ever seen in it. Superman also kicks game to Spiderman. Who is apparently a girl.

The first minute or so is singing and "flying". But but wait it gets worse. Once Superman and Spiderlady land things get crunk with the quickness. Points of interest:

1:16: Superman engages in a priceless and hypnotizing body freakout.

2:14: Superman dispatches thugs with the aid of the worst special effects ever created to the sounds of a Bengali Jan Hammer drum solo.

4:04: Block party.

(via Turbanhead)

posted at 10:07 PM by Recon
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The Power Of Nightmares

In light of today being get out and vote day, I figured I'd drop the political elbow on this blog for a hot second. Ever since I watched this documentary a few weeks back with bro/M4H enthusiast the Unbeatable Kid, I've been floored by how awesome it is. This is a must see.

In a nutshell, the BBC film explores the origins in the 1940s and 50s of Islamic Fundamentalism in the Middle East, and Neoconservatism in America, parallels between these movements, and their effect on the world today. Check out part 1:

And here is PART 2 and PART 3. Thank you. We now proceed with your regular scheduled program of robots, monkeys, and Hasslehoff nut shots.

(Thanks Vic!)

posted at 9:54 PM by Recon
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Monday, November 06, 2006

Picture Of The Day

Roomba: old and busted. Baby Mop: New hotness.

Labels: pictures

posted at 3:43 PM by Recon
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Wilford Brimley - The Beetis

Beetis. Beetis. Da Da Dia Beetus.

And if you dig that, check out the original Beetis.

(via Transbuddha)

posted at 3:32 PM by Recon
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"Off The Hook" - American Slang Guide

I really can't believe this actually exists. But it does. You can even buy it on Amazon. Check out this page from the book:

Wow wow wow. How much do I want this for my coffee table? Alot. Check out more pages HERE...

posted at 3:18 PM by Recon
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Ode to Spock

The notorious Bilbo Baggins:

Trek meets Python:

posted at 3:13 PM by Recon
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Borat - Deleted Scenes

By now I hope you've all seen the glorious Borat. If not, here are some deleted scenes to give you an idea of what you're missing...

Check out Borat at the dog shelter:

Or in the supermarket:

And here are some other deleted scenes: Doctor, Dinner Prayer, Cops, and Jail...

For more of the Borat media blitz, check him on Conan, Daily Show, Hannity And Colmes, and my favorite, wrestling Harry Smith..

(via)

posted at 2:16 PM by Recon
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Friday, November 03, 2006

Picture Of The Day

"OW! Fucking fascist!"

(via Grow-A-Brain)

Labels: pictures

posted at 12:25 PM by Recon
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Demented Dutch Disco (with Smurfs?)

Ok. Take some a handful of eager Europeans enthusiastic for a sing-a-long. Add nauseatingly creepy Smurf puppets, and a Dutch guy named Vader Abraham. What do you get? My personal WTF moment of the month. Jesus on the Autobahn this makes me so uncomfortable..

posted at 12:08 PM by Recon
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Best Bollywood Fight Sequence Ever

And by best, I mean absolute worst. Clearly these thespians failed stage fighting 101 with flying colors.

posted at 12:01 PM by Recon
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(w)rapping paper

The folks over at Si Hill design came up with a really good way to please your rap-happy friends around the holidays: (w)rapping paper. Choose from Vanilla Ice, NWA, Sugar Hill Gang, or House Of Pain. LOL imagine the look on your Mom's face reading Ice Cube lyrics on Christmas morning..

(Click pic for more!)

posted at 11:52 AM by Recon
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Accidental Video Game Porn Archive

Check out this gallery of unintentional sexiness from the world of video games...here's my favorite, from Sega's "Moonwalker":

It's funny how life really can imitate art. Check out the rest HERE.

(via Eyebeam Reblog)

posted at 11:33 AM by Recon
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Super Robot Mach Baron

What better way to start the weekend than by watching Japanese robots from the 70's duke it out with awful strobe effects and missiles that shout out of their mouths. Tokusatsu, you have won my geek heart yet again.

posted at 11:19 AM by Recon
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Thursday, November 02, 2006

Picture Of The Day

Labels: pictures

posted at 2:26 PM by Recon
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Under The Tusken Sun

Tusken raiders are the best Star Wars characters hands down. What's not to love about screaming desert barbarians? Nothing says "romantic comedy" like furious grunting Sandpeople. And is it just me, or does Diane Lane not sound too good these days? I bet she's a smoker.

(Thanks Kuru!)

posted at 2:10 PM by Recon
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Batman's First Batusi

Adam West, you truly are bringing the sexy back. And by sexy I mean love handles. Batman's got crazy game. He puts the fresh in orange juice.

(via DoubleViking)

posted at 2:01 PM by Recon
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Hoff: Kitt is Gay

David Hasselhoff Says "Knight Rider" Car Was Gay

Maira Oliveira - All Headline News Reporter

Dublin, Ireland (BANG) - Everybody's favorite 1980s TV car had a secret of his own that hasn't been publicly revealed until now. David Hasselhoff - Mr. Gayness himself - recently exposed the truth and revealed to a number of stunned fans in Ireland that his talking "Knight Rider" car was gay.

The actor - who is in Britain promoting his autobiography, a movie and a new single - shocked students when he came out with the comment about Kitt during an appearance at Trinity College in Dublin.

He said, "We have some fairly X-rated outtakes on 'Knight Rider.' Kitt was constantly asking, 'Do you want me to take you home Michael?' in that very camp voice of his."

Meanwhile, Hasselhoff fell asleep while appearing on a TV show in London. The former "Baywatch" star dozed off during a commercial break while filming an appearance on GMTV on Sunday.

Explaining his impromptu nap, he said, "I was really tired. I'd been in Vancouver then Leeds, then Manchester then Croydon."

Producers have denied claims the 54-year-old actor knocked out because he was drunk.

They said, "We do not believe he was drunk. There was no smell of alcohol."

(via)

posted at 1:51 PM by Recon
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Bollywood Horror Posters

Check out this dope gallery of Horror themed Bollywood posters..Indian cyclops monkeys are so hot right now! If only I could find Indian Thriller..

(Click pic for gallery!)

(via PCL Link Dump)

posted at 1:44 PM by Recon
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Weird Al- White And Nerdy

I might have missed the viral wave on this vid, but F it, I've been away, so forgive the nerd slackitude. Weird Al absolutely runs shit. And Donny Osmond definitely earns an awesome badge for his contribution.

(thanks Mantis!)

posted at 1:33 PM by Recon
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Pwned!

Labels: pictures

posted at 1:28 PM by Recon
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Always Be Closing!

One of my favoritist movies is Glen Gary, Glenn Ross, and the bossest most badass part by far is the monkey stomping monologue Alec Baldwin delivers..Here it is, in it's profanity laden entirety. So fucking awesome.

(via M&C)

posted at 1:18 PM by Recon
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Boom goes the dynamite

Cheers, blogmates..as you can tell I've been on nerd hiatus for a few weeks now..Lots of travelling, and generally avoiding the computer, hence avoiding the onset of the wicked spell of blog fatigue I felt coming on..My deepest apologies to those who have missed me. What else have I been doing, you ask? Hmm..Well, I got a haircut..

Did a bit of gambling..

073006-51

Enjoyed the childlike magic of Halloween..

mjp-20-

And danced my ass off..

st9bg5

And if the internet was a giant wrestling arena, this would be the theme music I would enter with heralding my return to geekery..

I'm back, little nerdlings.

thCatsPingPong

posted at 12:53 PM by Recon
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