Metal Lyrics: An Interpretation

Nothing is more metal than not being able to understand anything a singer is saying. The only thing more metal is not fucking caring at all.

Check out this interpretation of a song by some new school metal band called "Children Of Bodom". Although I'm a fan of the low pitch screaming/grunting school of singers, this video couldn't work with one of them. You need that higher pitched maniac killer voice to make this as funny as it is. I bite! The salad by my side!!! Brilliant.

(via Say No To Crack)

Slang Flashcards V.2

The new joints are out, and I still want the old ones!!!! Damn they look funny.

Star Wars Vs. Boogie Nights

Thank you, Internet. You Took two of my favorite things and mashed them together. And C-3PO as Scotty? Bravo. Nothing short of fucking brilliant.

(via YesButNoButYes)

Potter Wars

JK Rowling might be a biter, but I'm still geeked for the new movie.

(via myconfinedspace)

Ronald McGoth

Wouldn't this guy be a much more fitting mascot?

(via myconfinedspace)

Now Boarding, the 10:15 Train to Dopetown

I wish my train in the morning looked like this. Frankly I never understood why transit companies didn't commission artists to paint trains. It's not like they give two fucks what the trains look like otherwise, and it would make the artists feel better about living in tiny studio apartments and eating top ramen noodles three times a day.

This is a promo for a new circus/opera project in which Jamie Hewlett (artist for the Gorillaz) is involved, along with Damon Albarn. It's called Monkey: Journey to the West. I bet neither Jamie Hewlett nor Damon Albarn eat top ramen anymore.

(via Cool Hunting, thanks Mog)

Obama's Got the Hottie Vote Secured

The other campaigns are really going to have to hustle to top this presidential billboard...and something tells me Hillary in a baby T just won't have the same "oomph"...If she wants to compete with Hale, though, Jessica Biel should throw that T in the dryer for about 2 hours and then go jogging in it...

(via Oliver Willis)

Say It Ain't So, He-Man..

(via yayhooray)

That's Just Lazy

Tenacious D Grosses You Out

You think it's a Jack Black acid trip, but just wait for it...wait for the grossest 60 seconds of comedy you'll ever see...I think it speaks for itself...

They Must Have Practiced For HOURS

...frankly, I think the baby phoned it in...the dude in the circle is obviously giving it his all, but that kid only throws down like a flip and a half, and you KNOW if he really WANTED it, he could have done at least another full rotation...kids today...maybe it's just me, but I want to see at least two full rotations before I give that duo any spare change...

(via the chronicles of piff huxtable)

Ladies Night

I've been scouring the world looking for the best method of driving away women. I've finally found it in the Naked Dance of Bhutan. OK, men, here's how it works: Strip off your clothes, put on a frightening and over-sized mask, and dance around with similarly dressed men. Sure to send any potential lady friend running.

Actually, it does look like fun now that I think about it. Those mask make um look so happy.

(Naked Dance via The Bhutan Times)

New Talib Kweli - "Listen!"

Talib drops his new album, Ear Drum, July 24. Hope the whole thing is as good as this single. A friend recently said, "Rap today is like the hair metal of our youth," which I thought a very astute observation. Talib still reminds us what it COULD be...

Picture Of The Day

Only Pete truly understands his pain.

American Gladiators On Family Feud

I was kicking it at The Unbeatable's cribbo this past weekend, and had the joy and privilege of taking a trip down memory lane by watching one of the most craptacular shows of yesteryear: American fucking Gladiators.

The show had it all..steroid-enhanced pseudo athletes, radical theme music, Larry Csonka, and of course, the best gladiator (and bizarro Dwayne "Dog" Chapman lookalike) Malibu.

So here's sweet throwback from '94: Check out Richard Dawson doing his thing with the Gladiators on the Feud. Tell me, doesn't Nitro look alot like a non-pud version of Kevin Federline? Good thing Nitro doesn't believe in the Internet. I bet he'd shoot me with a high-powered tennis ball right in the beans just for saying that.

(Part 2, Part 3)

Internet Inspired Graf

The nerd and the cool guy in me just high-fived each other. (Ok, it was actually just two nerds. But those two guys are pretty fucking cool. Just ask my Mom.)

(via yayhooray)

Slow Mo Food Fight

All hail the mighty Japanese and their mind bending wacky game show illusion antics. The rewind part towards the end made the little robot inside my brain do the moonwalk. Twice. And then he jumped out my ear and slapped my face for not clapping.

(via college humor)

Some Ecards

Check these cards out...some of them are hilarious...

(via buzzfeed)

Chart of the Day

This chart manages to both humor and confuse me at the same time. Damn you, self referential humor!

Mario Hits Rock Bottom

I was always more of a Luigi guy myself (dude had HOPS in Super Mario 2!!!). It's double-plus trendy: a combination of 8-bit Nintendo AND Williamsburg, Brooklyn! Plus bangin' special effects...

Pan Flute

Adam Freeland - Ghetto Tech

So a little bit of history/dirty secret: I am an aging raver. Back in my heyday, me and my friends, some of whom also post on this doozie of an internet journal (the kids are calling them "blogs" apparently), used to pile into shitty cars and drive all over the northeast (Portland Maine to Washington DC was our turf) to pummel our neurons with chemicals and loud, repetetive music. And while I've grown out of the chemicals (most of them, anyway), the loud, repetetive beats stuck with me.

Sure, I like all sorts of shit, from hip hop to old soul to funk to alt country to post-punk to folk to latin, but when I want to go to my happy place, when I want to stroll backwards into the dopest memories I can drag up in my oversized head, I throw on some breaks. Not breaks like the stuff hip hop is based on (I ain't forget, Gabe, the uninitiated start here for a primer, and if you don't like reading, stare at/listen to this discussion of the Amen break), I'm talking about that glorious amalgam of Kraftwerk-like industrial sounds, bass music, slowed drum'n'bass drum editing, and a hefty dollop of funk slathered on top (start here).

And almost from day one (literally, I copped his first mix in 1996), Adam Freeland has been my go-to dj/producer. His "sound" has always been one step ahead of the game, and I have always appreciated where he's gone with his shit, always finding the perfect mix of rock, warehouse hardcore, hip hop, techno, and funk (he calls it "ghetto tech"). So you can imagine my excitement when I learned that he will be visiting my corner of the world tomorrow night at Axis in Boston. If anyone's in the area, it's $10 at the door, no dress code, sure to be a breakin' good time (go here for more info). I'll report back after it's all gone down, but until then, check Adam's label, Marine Parade, for a heaping helping of the baddest breaks around: http://www.marineparade.co.uk/

Sorry to ramble, but since I'm stuck here in my office with no one to share my excitement with, the faithful readers of this blog are the next best thing...

EARS STILL RINGING UPDATE: Holy fuck. That was one of the 5 best performances I've ever seen. If you get a chance, SEE FREELAND ON THIS TOUR. YOU WON'T BE DISAPPOINTED.

ZING!

Beastie Boys - Off the Grid

The Beasties are dropping new joints this summer, and here's a sample called "Off the Grid." It's an instrumental album, and the two vids I've seen (this one and "Rat Cage") appear to be scenes of a larger story/narrative that, in theory, will be moved forward with subsequent singles/videos. According to Mike D, the album ("The Mix-Up" dropping June 26) will be followed by another version that will "mix-up" these instrumentals with different collaborators (M.I.A., Snoop Dogg and Mark Ronson are all mentioned, giving my nerd-parts high-amplitude feedback)...check it out. Or "Check it ooot" as they say in Canada...

Rage Never Sounded So Awesome

PS: There is nothing Science has ever created that Mr. Norris can't destroy. His only weaknesses are strippers and Just For Men Mustache and Beard formula.

(via Eatliver)

Falling for the Hype: Transformers

OK, I know that I'm not supposed to give a shit, most summer blockbusters are made to minimally entertain rhesus monkeys (actually, that's unfair to rhesus monkeys, even they won't sit through another Nick Cage vehicle without repeatedly pounding the "sedate" button in their laboratory cages), but I am pooping in my Soundwave Underroos about the live action Transformer movie coming out this summer. Anyone who ever held one of the first generation Transformers in their hands, those sturdy metal toys that were clearly so badass they could turn a My Little Pony into Elmer's glue just by LOOKING at her, can't honestly say they're not a little excited.

They just released the third full length trailer, and the fledgling opticals are making my nerd-parts feel funny! Seriously, watch this trailer and tell me your tribbles aren't growing as you watch! I know the fanboys are supposedly pissed, but seriously, I don't care if they let Pee Wee friggin Herman voice Optimus Prime, this movie HAS to be good!

Ice, Ice, Bacon.

Greatest remix of Mr. Van Winkle to date? This nerd says yes. Bacon to your mother.

(click pic for Ice Ice Bacon to go)

(via Everlasting Blort)

1987 WWF "Mega Powers" Interview

I wish we could have seen the prep for this interview. I imagine it involved a rather large tray of cocaine sandwiches, Dokken, and a quick fight with a pack of rabid wolverines.

"The power of the madness and the mania just blew my 24 inch guns out, man!"

Me too, Terry. Me fucking too.

Dammit, Jim!

(via myconfinedspace)

Who Are The Ad Wizards Behind This

Japan? Shocker.

Are You The Matrix?

Robots Do it for the Kids

Nothing gets the attention of the "parents of earth" demographic like droids.

(poster via public health posters at Visual Culture)

Gnarles Barkley - Smiley Faces

I know it's totally 2006, but I don't care, the Gnarles Barkley album was fresh. I saw them perform live, and they killed it. Cee Lo surprised me at how talented a singer he was (he's got pipes). I can't imagine how they're going to top the first album, though, they really bottled lightning with that shit...And the "Smiley Faces" is one of the best videos I have seen in a long time (though, to be fair, they stopped playing music videos on tv like 10 years ago, so I don't catch a lot of them).

Here's a grainy cameraphone flick of "Brushfire,." who was introduced as a Gnarles Barkley cover band. Cee Lo wore a leotard and a Tina Turner wig and a Liberace-like cape, and Dangermouse is in the back with the green wig.

Are You Being Ironic?

I don't even know anymore, Man!

It Tastes So Good When it Hits My Lips!

Bill Blass Eat Your Heart Out

How awesome were the 80's? I mean, when else could you find Mr. T, the baddest most blinged-out gangster on TV, hosting a staged "fashion show," and, worse, confirming that Manny "sure looks tough" in a cutoff vest and a bandana around his neck a-la-Wham. No, T, he does not look tough. But I bet when this was made, Janine's dad felt uncomfortable leaving his little princes with someone as "urban" as Manny the "b-boy."

1,000th Post!!!!

Almost three years later, the monkeys are still typing. Thanks to all of you for reading!! Here's to 1000 more!!!

(neat flashy thing via not celebrity)

Best Death Scene Ever

From "Enter The Ninja" comes one of the most poignant death scenes ever filmed. Man, this guy acts the shit out of this scene! I'm blown away. Oscars! Oscars! Oscars for everyone!

(taken from the very funny Worst Movies Ever clip found via Gorillamask)

Best Confession Ever?

(via Yayhoorhay)

Gymkata!

Taken on face value, this movie looks awful. Worse than Cop Rock, live-action Flinstone movies, and wet sock combined. But somehow, through all the craptaculation the pure genius manages to seep through...like this gem:

"When Karate and gymnastics are fused, the combustion becomes an explosion!"

Whoa! Move over Shakespeare! Those words are like fuel combined with ninja gasoline and rock and roll kick starting my heart into a thunderous firestorm of furious action and amazing amazement! Booyah! Gymkata style!

(Thanks Kuru!)

Osama: The Truth Revealed

The news has never been more accurate.

(via myconfinedspace)

Rummy Crane Style

(via Yayhooray)

Paul Eugene: Gospel Aerobics

Nothing starts off a week right like getting a drop kick from Mr. God right in your special area. There really is no better way to start your day off. Watch as Paul Eugene brings the Jesus ruckus courtesy of his special brand of crazy faced high energy roof raising. I'm not going to lie to you, friends. This is terrifying. But strangely I want to grind up this man and sniff him.

(via wtf omgz)

Never forget!

Just take your beer and get out of here

<>

Why is it that skits with Will Ferrell are so much better than the movies he's done? Now, admittedly, I haven't seen the new ones (that weird one where he's the subject of a new book is supposed to be good, and "Blades of Glory" looks passable), but the rest of the drivel he's made in the last few years makes Adam Sandler's filmography look like Sir Lawrence Olivier's. I mean, "Bewitched?" WTF? So I'm always happy when I see a drop dead funny clip like the one above, it reminds me that all is NOT lost with Ferrell, and maybe if he just keeps his hair long and keeps acting next to hard-drinking toddlers who swear like sailors, he'll pull out of this thing yet...

(via Funny or Die, click if the vid above doesn't load right...)

Feel Good Movie of the Year

I saw "28 Weeks Later" last night. Boy do I enjoy anything that deals with the undead: "Shawn of the Dead," "Night of the Living Dead," "Army of Darkness," "American Idol," "Dawn of the Dead" (just kidding about "American Idol," I can't watch that shit, those motherfuckers are SCARY). Combine blood-thirsty 'roided-up zombied with a dystopian near-future/urban occupation/warzone, and you've got "28 Weeks Later."

I hearted the first one a lot, and was worried that they'd go all commercial thug on the second one, especially with the introduction of a NEW family, since I really thought the personal relationships in the last movie were organically developed and not forced, which is a tricky feat for movies these days. Not to worry. It's not even really a spoiler to confirm that the family starts falling apart IMMEDIATELY once the movie starts, which makes for good cinema and drama. Also, they didn't go too heavy with the special effects in this movie, which I really liked since the first movie succeeded on a bit of a shoestring budget because Danny Boyle, the original director, really captured the shaky-handed, disorienting, adreneline-feuled sheer panic of a widespread and violent pandemic. The new director (can't think of his name, feel free to look it up if you're more motivated than I am) kept it real with this format, and there is a scene where the outbreak begins in a crowded and cramped room of humans that definitely doesn't disappoint.

Anyway, I recommend this movie. And for anyone who is going to see it, or has already seen it, there is something darkly ironic about the fact that Mrs. Mantis and I went to see this flick on Mother's Day...I give it two thumbs, a big toe, three neck tendons and most of a decomposing arm way up...

Prison Colony...

New vid from the Bumblebeez, a brother/sister act from Australia..."Mad Max" meets United Colors of Benetton

Planet B-Boy

Recon's mind-numbingly good posts have given me a complex, but I've been working with my therapist, Dr. Trevis, and he thinks it would be a positive step in my cyberdevelopment if I begin with a surefire winner: fucking amazing b-boys from around the world.

...I'm working my way up to joining MySpace...ugh, my throat feels dry...I...I can't breathe...I bet Caveizel would make me feel more confident...

(via vinyl meltdown)

Picture Of The Day

I'd personally rather watch Skeletor own Mumra, but I wonder who would win this epic matchup?

(via myconfinedspace)

CONAN'S IN UR BLOG

...HYPNOTIZING UR NERDS.