Japanese Star Wars Tuna

Star Wars and Japan can sell anything. This could be an ad for cans of weapons grade Anthrax and I’d still buy a thousand in Costco-size family packs and hoard them like Smaug the motherfucking Dragon guarding treasure in "The Hobbit". Normally I wouldn't be interested in purchasing anything that looks so awful, but for some reason I can't resist this. It's not my fault. It's Star Wars and Japan. That's peanut butter and jelly for the nerd's soul. I should never have underestimated the powers of their force.

I'd like to send a handful of kudos and an awkwardly long laser hug to the visionary director, for somehow making C-3PO ten times gayer than George Lucas ever imagined possible. Seriously. No amount of Imperial programming can account for that much showmanship. He looks like a craft services protocol droid fetching water and cocaine for Nicole Kidman on the set of "Moulin Rouge".

1978 はごろも缶詰 シーチキン (via ksoik)

Sweeping the Clouds Away

Dear Bird,

Having a great time. Telly was right, the people here really know how to live. Remember all those things I said that night we did those speedballs and burnt down the Count's castle? Probably not. But, I wanted to let you know that I finally feel like I belong in this world, like I'm a real thinking being and not just a puppet. Hang in there, Bird. rehab looks great from the other side. Kick Oscar in the balls for me. -C

(image via Paco Pomet at booooooom)

M4h News Bulletin:

Gang Truce Brings Hope for City's Future

By APRIL O'NEILL

Published: July 6, 1985

COMPTON - The people of Los Angeles rejoiced this afternoon, as the infamous Crips gang leader known as “Leonardo” met face to face with his long time enemy and Bloods gang leader “Red Ranger”, in hopes of negotiating an end to their decade-long street war waged against each other. The two men met in neutral territory inside a popular pizza restaurant downtown, both heavily protected by their respective faction members. Tense words were exchanged, but within a matter of minutes the two gang lords shook hands and embraced, symbolically bringing an end to the murderous violence and fear which has plagued residents for years.

In a press conference following the meeting, the Mayor declared the truce to be official. Almost immediately, people filled the streets in celebration, cheering "Cowabunga" in honor of the historic day. Some laughed, some cried, others enjoyed pizza and fireworks with their forgotten neighbors and friends. It was a day many residents of the City of Angels will not soon forget.

As for the future, there is work to be done. Both sides vowed to work together in coming months to help stop gang activities for good. “I just wish Master Splinter was here to see his dream come true,” said Leonardo, referring to his recently deceased mentor.

Police officials remain skeptical as to whether L.A.'s other gangs will honor the truce, as several prominent crime figures did not attend the ceremony. Most notably absent was the eccentric leader of the Foot Clan gang, “Shredder”, who is currently in federal custody awaiting trial for illegal ninja trafficking and death robot manufacturing. Others were also absent, causing many to worry.

"It's a positive step, but there are still other gangs we need to stop. If Lord Zedd and Rita Repulsa get on board then we might have something", said Lieutenant Stone. "But we have a long road ahead of us."

True. Let's just hope that the road isn't filled with giant space monsters.

literally

Podcast 1: Here it is.

Yes. Back by unpopular demand, we present to you the first of what some pray to god will not be an regular series of podcasts.

(Click here to get to the Downloadings)

But to you haters out there all I have to say is that we're doing our own thing no matter how ridiculous.

Picture of the Day

My inner rap fan just got to 3rd base with my inner nerd. Seriously. Get a room, you two. I gotta get some sleep.

Baby to the Beans

Remember Beanie babies? They were like Meth for the OCD Mom jeans set. Not to mention the mustachioed cat guy demographic. They went bananas for those things. It's a shame they're gone.

So what do agoraphobic nerds with impulse control issues do now to meet one another? Beanie conventions were like their aphrodisiacs, thrusting the lot into close enough proximity that awkward physical romances negotiated during last call at the airport motel bar were inevitable and plentiful. Believe me when I tell you, many a pants-off dance-off took place during those wonder years of the Beanie dynasty.

So please..bring them back, Mr. President. Nerd reproduction is imperative for our future. If these groups and their respective private parts don't find a way to each other, America won't have the nerdling surplus necessary to maintain the blinky machines and lasers that run our lives. Beanies make America safer. Without them, the terrorists have already won.

(via EIT)

Picture of the Day

An artist is someone who produces things that people don't need to have but that he - for some reason - thinks it would be a good idea to give them. ~Andy Warhol

Not so Long Ago in a Disco Far Far Away

I wonder if there is a word in French that expresses exactly how uncomfortable I feel about this clip and the strange sexual tension it develops between Darth Vader and C3PO. Because I know for a fact no English word comes close.

Best new halloween costume idea = Disco French C3PO.

(via milkandcookies)

Shark Alarm!

Taken from the film "Shark Alarm of the Mediterranean", the Citizen Kane of Shark Alarm cinema. Roger Ebert gave it two thumbs up immediately before being eaten by a Hammerhead while Jet-skiing with his shirt on. True story.

Cats: Bow down to your Emperor.

Get Ready for News

I would burn down a church to be featured on a news show with an intro this awesome.

It's so intense that the man in the full on plaid suite jacket almost felt understated.

(via Cynical-C)

Smoke Um

I had this wild dream the other night.

I was working some crap 9 to 5 job on the Death Star. I'm not really sure what I was doing but I'm pretty sure that it wasn't a plush, paper-pushing, approving prisoner transfer type deal. More likely, I was one of those miserable creatures forced to mop the gigantic laser hole - a line of work which has to be hands down the worst job on the entire Death Star. To add insult to injury, those guys have to wear black safety helmets as if safety means a damn thing when you're desperately clinging to the wall every five minutes to keep your balls from getting ripped off by a GIANT PLANET CRUSHING LASER BEAM.


Anyway, I'm turning some Death Star corridor and I stumble across Darth Vader standing over the smoldering remains of Luke Skywalker.

Me (to myself): Ummm. This is awkward.

Vader: Oh excuse me. I was just reveling in the moment.

Me: Yeah... it's just that this is the only place on this space station the size of a small moon that I can smoke and not have to dodge giant laser blasts.

Vader: I hear you, buddy. I mean, how many people do I have to force choke before they give the whole Smoke Free Star Destroyer thing up? Seriously, second hand smoke is no match for the power of the dark side. (Vader brushes his cape aside to reveal that he has a pack rolled up in his sleeve. (He offers me one): Here you go. This pack had a spare.

Me: Thanks... Damn. I left my lighter back in my "quote" office.

Vader: You can use mine. (He lights his cig off of his light saber before handing the weapon to me).

Me: Awesome. I'm surprised that you're still smoking what with that breathing thing and all.

Vader: Some doctor once tried to get me to stop.

Me: Did you give him the old force choke?

Vader: Nah. That shit doesn't work on robots. I gave him some bzzzzzzw bzzzw (Vader does a terrible imitation of the light saber noise while he mimes like he's cutting someone in half).

Me: Nice. Well, I better get back to whatever it is I do. Thanks again for the cig. You're a pretty stand up guy for a Sith Lord.

Vader: You caught me on a good day (he points at Luke's dead body.)

Tasty Cakes

Here's to kicking off 2010 with a bang!

Chimp + cake eating dogs + japan + not making any sense = fantabulous.