Picture Of The Day

Hey Wayne, Jesus called. He saw your jacket and has decided he fucking hates you.

Arnold's Total Body Workout

Arnold Schwarzenegger. Flagrant womanizer. Iron pumper. Kennedy humper. Governator. Terminator. Austrian. Barbarian. Republican. Destroyer of English. So much can be said about him. Love him or hate him, Arnold is one of a kind.

This is a fantastic album he made back in 1983 called "Arnold Schwarzenegger's Total Body Workout". Arnold gives basic instructions on how to exercise with and without weights. Every time he says "bahbul" I almost spit. His English is fucking horrible. I can just imagine him sweating in the vocal booth trying to use his brain muscle to form basic American sentences.

This is chock full of samples. And the songs he "instructs" over are fabulous.."It's Raining Men", "Don't Stop Believin", and other shitty 80's gems. One of my favorite lines:

"I have to warn you now that your shoulders will be so wide you will not be able to fit through the door."

Thanks Arnold. I'll keep that in mind.

click on Arnold to pump up!

(via Beware Of The Blog)

Picture Of The Day

I love this guy. He kind of looks like the dude who kicks Daniel-San's ass in Karate Kid pt 2, except much more sassy and upbeat. That smile is priceless. Only someone who lives under the maniacal dictatorship of Kim Jong Il and smiles so rarely it causes their face physical pain can produce a grimace like that. I think the only time he smiles is Christmas. Looks like Santa brought him a he-blouse this year. Sweet.

(via Bizzarre Records)

An Ode To Randy Savage

Praise you, the Macho Man

And fair Elizabeth too
We are blinded
by your savage colors so bright
yet still, you observe
by some alien science
beyond the darkness
through painted glass
the distant turnbuckles of eternity.
I'd like to shake your hand, good sir
and tell you this fact:
Your hat
makes me want
McDonalds.

Picture Of The Day

Pow!! Right in the Epcots! That's got to hurt. I think his Magic Kingdom is going to be closed for maintenence for a bit after this. As if wearing a giant rat suit wasn't shitty enough, this poor bastard gets Jackie Chan'ed in the nutsack on top of it all. That kid would get a big, white-gloved bitch slap if she tried that shit on me. On second thought, probably not. I'd probably just go home and drink myself to sleep with tears on my face.

"...and miracles is the way things ought to be."

In light of Rockstar games's new video game coming out paying homage to the 1979 classic "The Warriors", I felt it was my duty to salute the greatest man in that movie, and I would argue one of the greatest people in cinema history- Cyrus.

For those of you who haven't watched "The Warriors" stop reading this right this second and go watch it, because you don't know what you're missing! Netflix it, blockbusterize it, whatever. Just do it. Watch the trailer in the meantime. It's so good you'll want to stab you own eyes for not having seen it before.

Those of you who have seen it undoubtedly remember the man I'm talking about. In the movie, Cyrus, the charismatic leader of the baddest gang in New York, arranges a meeting in The Bronx to spread his ideas to the other gangs of the city. His goal is to get the gangs to all agree to a truce, and form one giant gang to overthrow the police and run the city themselves. Obviously what he says is pretty insane, and if I was a mild mannered citizen of 1970's Manhattan I would probably be against it. The whole idea of gangs running New York (other than the NYPD) sounds pretty intense. But the way he delivers his speech gives me chills. He's like a 70's version of Barack Obama with James Brown hair. His oratory is so great I cry a little inside every time I hear it. Here is the transcript..(And I've linked some of the text to a few awesome audio samples of it..)

figure A: Cyrus "droppin science"

Cyrus -" Can you count suckers? I say the future, is ours! If you, can count."

Crowd Member - Come on Cyrus, we're with you!
Crowd Member - Go ahead bro!

Cyrus - "Now look what we have here before us. We've got the Saracens sitting next to the Jones Street Boys. We've got The Moonrunners, right by The Van Cortlandt Rangers. Nobody is wasting nobody. That is a miracle, and miracles, is the way things ought to be."

[Crowd cheers]

[Cyrus climbs up the platform]

Cyrus - "You're standing right now with nine delegates, from a hundred gangs and there's over a hundred more. That's 20,000 hardcore members, 40,000 counting affiliates and 20,000 more not organised but ready to fight. 60,000 soldiers! Now there ain't but 20,000 police in the whole town. Can you dig it?

[Small crowd cheer]

Cyrus - Can you dig it?

[Louder crowd cheer]

Cyrus - Caaaaaan yooooou diiiiigg it?

[Crowd roar and cheer]

Cyrus - Now here's the sum total. One gang could run this city. One gang! Nothing would move, without us allowing it to happen! We could tax the crime syndicates, the police, because we got the streets suckers! Can you dig it?

[Crowd cheer and police cars roll quietly into the park]

Cowboy - "Right on!"

Cyrus - "The problem in the past has been the man turning us against one another. We have been unable to see the truth, because we've been fighting for ten square feet of ground. Our turf, our little piece of turf. That's crap brothers. The turf is ours by right, because it's our turn. All we have to do is keep up the general truce. We take over one borough at a time. Secure our territory, secure our turf, because it's all our turf!"

[Crowd cheer and more police cars roll into the area]


Wow. I mean Wow!! Doesn't that make you want to run out, put on a ridiculous costume and join a group of ruffians to commit mayhem and civic urest? All I know is there isn't a day in my stupid life where I don't realize that a: I can count, and b: I'm a sucker. If only we could all realize that the power to change this world is all around us..In fact, it is us. We as a collective force can do anything. And Cyrus knew this. Sadly, he is struck down by an assassin's bullet at the end of his speech. And in one quick flash of gunfire, a great man dies and a legend is born..

But let us not ever forget his words.

Picture Of The Day

God Bless Bansky. I love this guy. First he tags the NY museum circuit with his guerilla art installments, and now he's hit up Israel's controversial (and according to the UN illegal) West Bank barrier with a series of awesome pieces. All politics aside, I think it's amazing that someone can take an ugly wall meant to divide us and turn it into something beautiful..Check out the whole series of paintings here, and the news story of his trip..Have a good weekend people!


(via Screenhead)

Portable Hippie Catcher

This is a product called "Shooting Net". It's basically a net in a can that you can shoot at intruders, friends, family, or neighbors for protection or practical jokes. It's one of the coolest things I've seen in a while. I want to get one and use it on my parents. I'd laugh then, they'd laugh much later. Not quite as cool as having monkeys on horses throwing nets at people like in "Planet of The Apes", but almost as cool.

When I saw the gif above it really hit home. I can't tell you how many times I've caught masked intruders with kindling lurking on my property. If only my grey suited automatons had had these net guns, I wouldn't have had to kill so many of them...


(via milkandcookies)

Brothers from another Mother

I don't have much to post today as my classes are stomping my guts out right now with booku work, but I had to show you this picture. Everyone knows Bush looks like a monkey, so much so it's not even funny. It's actually kind of creepy. But Reagan? Clearly his film work shows his affinity for simians, but I never thought he looked like one. I always liked Reagan with out knowing why. Maybe because he called himself something as ridiculous as the Gipper. Or maybe I always knew subconsciously that he looked exactly like a godamned monkey. Anyway, gotta run and get back to the mind toruture that is my perpetual existence...more to follow..

Picture Of The Day

There's so much to like about this picture, but my favorite part is beardy on the left rocking the V-neck candy cane referee shirt. I really wonder what he's looking at. Maybe he was too caught up in stargazing and forgot to look forward. Regardless, His lack of conformity to the rules of photography make him a rebel. Rock on!

Jacko Of The Third Kind

Michael Jackson Wants Airport For Aliens

Michael Jackson is building an airport - for aliens.

The eccentric singer reportedly came up with the idea after dreaming he met little green men from outer space.

Jackson wants to set up the extra terrestrial landing strip in the Nevada desert, according to new book 'Alien Rock: The Rock 'n' Roll ET Connection'.

Author Michael C Luckman claims Jackson even wants to film the first landing at the alleged base,

He revealed: "Michael wants to welcome extra-terrestrials to earth and to film the landing."

The writer also claims the pop star - who is said to be a huge fan of sci-fi movies like 'ET' and 'Men in Black' - once believed he was an alien himself.

He claimed: "Mr Eccentricity (Jackson) revealed in November 2001 that he felt he was from another planet.

"Michael identified the planet as 'A Capricious Anomaly in the Sea of Space' and said it was located 'just beyond our solar system'."

Earlier this month, Luckman claimed the troubled star, who last month was acquitted of child abuse, had discussed having his remains cryogenically preserved so he could be brought back to life in the future.

He revealed : "Michael has gone to extreme lengths to achieve immortality".

(found here)

Picture Of The Day

They say that it's good to be upfront and honest with one another when starting a romantic relationship. But there is such a thing as being too honest.

English as She is Spoke

Bad english is the best kind. Communication is an art, and mistranslation is a beautiful side effect when cultures collide. Which brings us to the fabulous book called "English as She is Spoke". It's value lies in the fact that it has the worst english I've EVER read:

"This 1883 book is without question the worst phrasebook ever written. The writer, Pedro Carolino, who was Portuguese, did not particularly speak English, nor did he have a Portuguese-English dictionary available. Instead, he worked with a French-English phrasebook and a Portuguese-French dictionary. The results, I'm sure you'll agree, are staggering."

Indeed . Check out some fine examples of this marvelous phrasebook from the category "Familiar Phrases":

"These apricots and these peaches make me and to come water in the mouth."

"It must never to laugh of the unhappies."

"Take that boy and whip him to much."

Or this "familiar dialogue" regarding weather:

The weather.
We shall have a fine weather to day.
There is some foggy.
I fear of the thunderbolt.
The sun rise on.
The sun lie down.
It is light moon's.

Anyway, you get the idea. You can't go wrong with Crazy talk from the 1800's. That's vintage. Check it out here...

And speaking of weird use of language, check out this blog I found called "Computer Dreams and Poetry". The poems are all written by a computer!! Wow. Computers writing on computers. We truly are living in the age of insanity.

(via linkfilter)

Everybody Dance Now!

Man, when is the new Ali G season starting? I need a Borat fix.

(FYI: You can download every episode from HBO season 1+2 and the old british shows here, along with the insanely funny "Best Of Borat". Don't say I never gave you nuthin!)