Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Attention K-Fed: Stop making music!!!

Image Hosted by

According to Stereogum, Kevin Federline has made an album, and it's being leaked on the internet. To give him the benefit of the doubt, I listened to a snippet of his new song, creatively titled "Y'all Ain't Ready".

For the record, the beat is hot. But I expected that. That's because Disco D is a good producer. Having said that, I now wish I could retrieve those 52 seconds of my life I threw away for ever.

Before reading further, check out this article and listen to the snippet here...But be warned, this is how I felt listening to it:

Image Hosted by

I don't know what you're favorite lyric was, but here's mine:

"They call me K-Fed..but you can call me daddy instead.."

Pardon me sir, but who calls you K-Fed? Celebrity bottom feeders like Cojo and Pat O'brien? People like that would sell their children into sex slavery to get the chance to look through your garbage for ten minutes. They don't count. Everyone I know refers to you as the shitbag backup dancer who put a baby in Britney Spears. Fuck you, K-Fed. There I said it. And no, I will not "keep your name out my mouth." You could have asked nicely, no manners. You just raped my ears and destroyed part of my everlasting soul, and I feel you deserve to be punished for it.

What happened to you, man? I liked you alot better when you spent your days farting on the couch doing bong rips and knowing your godamned role as a useless cuckold to a declining superstar. Look at Nick Lachey. He knows his only job is to replace lightbulbs and tend the yard while his wife brings home the cream. But no, you had to go and make music. Shame on you. Even though your kid is most likely a lost cause, it still terrifies me that it might be subjected to your music while still in the developmental stage of infancy. Why don't you just cut out the middle man and feed it paint chips, or hit it in the soft spot on it's head with a rusty hammer. It couldn't do any more damage than your songs have done at this point.

This makes me so happy I am no longer working in the music industry. But I have to thank you for one thing, K-Fed. Now I know what song I will listen to when I finally decide to put a gun to my temple and paint the walls with my brains. Cheers.

No comments: