Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Holiday Hats For Douchebags

I found this site on Attu today. It's a page of totally shitty novelty hats that someone decided were funny and actually had the balls to market them to the general population. Here's a blurb from the site:

"Who needs another boring baseball cap? Be the life of any party or give the greatest gift in the world with any of the Hilarious Hats. These hats are not only unbelievably funny, but they are of top quality and very durable. "

Who needs another boring baseball cap? Me for one. I'd gladly take boring over looking like an asshole anyday of the week. In fact, that might be the most misleading description of any product I've come across. Check some of these out:

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Lord Jesus dying on the cross. I wouldn't put that on one of my damn dogs.
This is just wrong. I feel genuine empathy for the poor soul who modeled this. He has that look like he just farted in the elevator and the door opened and a group of old people walked in and made squinty eyed smell faces at him.

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Man, I really wish he was missing. The only thing that redeems this one is the fact that the face hole is just big enough to accomodate a shoe or two fists at once. If I met this wacky guy at a party, I'd politely excuse myself from present company, go into the room the coats were in, find his jacket and proceed to pee in every one of his pockets.

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Hey guy! I've got an idea! How about you cut the shit and stop dressing like a total fucking jackass? I feel bad for your kin. Especially your poor parents. If you were my struggling actor/model son and came home and showed me this in your portfolio of shame I would feign a smile, pour myself a large glass of scotch and find a linen closet to have a deep, silent weep session in.

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Check the rest out HERE..but whatever you do, please don't buy one for anyone you know. Whoever made these shouldn't be rewarded in any way.

If you absolutely have to get a random gift this holiday, why not go for the lumberjack doll that transforms into a werewolf?

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(Click pic to buy!)

(Links via Attu and Double Viking)

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