Thursday, January 26, 2006

Asshole Battle '06!

It's that time again, people. Time for another M4H battle. You might remember the asshole battles of my old blog, or the hair battle we had several months ago..

This time we have another battle of the assholes. I spent some time picking out some thoroughbred dickheads for the event, so I think we'll have a pretty close race.

The rules are simple..cast your vote in the comments box for a candidate who to you represents the biggest asshole, and give your reasons. And lurkers, please vote! Your voices can make a difference! That being said, in the name of science I ask:

Who is the biggest Asshole of them all?

#1: Dick Cheney

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I decided to include Cheney not because of his dealings with Halliburton, or his countless lies to the American people, or any reason from the long list of offenses that would warrant it. I chose him because my gut instinct tells me that he eats babies. Super-smily adorably cute babies. The cuter they are, the better they taste to him. I also think he and his fellow homies of the plutocracy hunt humans for sport like
Gary Busey in that crappy Ice-T movie. But it's just a hunch, really. I look forward to hearing your reasons.

#2: Billy Zane, Titanic

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I just saw BZ's role as Caledon “Cal” Hockley ther other day on the TV, and felt compelled to include him. Now I don't know if Billy Zane is an asshole in real life, but I think he has to be. He can't be good enough at acting to pull off the levels of supreme douchebaggery he exudes in Titanic. And only Pat Riley and dickheads wear their hair like that. Plus, don't forget he's the one who says “God himself could not sink this ship!” Way to go, Zane. You had to go and fuck it up for everybody.

#3: Emperor Palpatine

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He might be the clear favorite, but I think there's more to his character than people might think. Let us not forget that he took Anakin in and treated him like a son and gave him a shiny black suit with arbitrary lights and buttons on it. He also employed alot of people as stormtroopers, and they fought pretty hard which makes me think they were well paid union guys, and that the Emperor must've been a pretty good boss. He might be just misunderstood. He's always laughing and smiling when he talks about the force. The last time Cheney smiled his heart exploded 16 times.

So there you have it, people..Cast your votes, and let the battle begin!

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