Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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Myspace buddy Misha sent me this, and I'm pretty sure its one of the best picture of all time. If Hollywood Montrose from Mannequin made man-babies with Prince and Morris Day and the Time, they still wouldn't be as fucking jive as this guy. I wonder what his music sounds like..

So You Think You Can Dance Face Plant

One of my new favorite shows in the world is "So You Think You Can Dance?" on Fox. It makes American Idol look like fucking Masterpiece Theatre. So damn good. They even have a British twat (read: poor man's Simon Cowell) on it. Basically people come out and dance, an occassionally the viewer gets to witness moments of true brilliance. Like this gem. Watch as a young ambitious idiot uprocks his nosebone.




Star Wars Pixelmash


All first 3 eps in gif format. The best part is these are still better than the latest trilogy. Watching these made me truly realize how much George Lucas and his fat neck really fell off.


EP:IV

starwarsiv4kz



EP: V


starwarsv7jv



EP: VI


starwarsvi8wz


Even Stevphen-Responsible Drinking

Remember when Carell and Colbert were on the Daily Show? Well this was my favorite segment from those days..Watch Steve Carrell get Dudley Moore drunk all in the name of good journalism..


Back

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Well I'm back, Monkiacs. Sorry for the delay (2 weeks..damn!!!) I guess life sidetracked my nerd world a bit. No worries, I won't leave again in the forseable future. I really think I needed a break. Since I last posted, I've moved back to NY, checked out a Gnarls Barkley show, played too much 360, saw friends, ate, drank, and was merry. Now I need a job like Nicole Richie needs a candy bar. Anyway, I'll be on daily from here on, so you can rest assured you will get your daily fill of 3 armed babies, human vending machines, and other assorted stupid. It's good to be back, bitches.

Monday, May 15, 2006

BRB

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I'll be unplugged for the majority of the week...I'm moving back to the Rotten Apple, and won't be able to engage in my usual nerd calisthenics as much as I'd like to. I'll try and post in between reacclimating to my natural habitat and exploding my liver and brain. I should be back on Thursday or Friday. Have a good week..See you all in a few days!

Picture Of The Day

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I gotta admit I kinda miss Saddam. They just don't make dictators like that anymore.

Monkey Shops With Pig In Japan

Where else other than Japan do monkeys in red Northface jackets go shopping with pigs? Oh yeah, in my godamned dreams.

Hasslehoffed!

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I'm proud to report that the evil cult of Hasslehoff continues to grow stronger and stronger. The folks over at Hasslehoffed.com have given us a new reason to worship at the Shrine of Hoff. Kind of like Jeff Goldblum is watching you poop or Shepard Fairey's Obey campaign, except
instead of the Blum or Andre in it you get David fucking Hasslehoff instead. From the site:

We know no boredom.

We know only the infinite spaces where a Hasselhoff could have been.
We know only the countless times when someone could have been Hasselhoffed.

In every situation we see nothing but opportunities, in every location we see nothing but individual spots, each one more potent than the last.
Help us spread the most exciting disease ever.

I wish I had time and/or energy of any kind, I'd be all over this bitch. I know that a day doesn't go by when I'm not Hasslehoffed to the max.

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(Click pic to be Hasslehoffed!)

Bas Rutten: Bang Bang Bang!!

Martial Arts are great. And they only get better when psychopaths who sound like Hans and Franz get involved. Professional human killer Bas Rutten has created the best instructional video ever. Watch as he breaks a sweat trying to use English while he shows you step by step the deadly art of homicidal mania. I loved this video so much I punched my own face out of respect for the overwhelming Bossness of Bas. Here are some choice quotes:

"Right away you say, ok I'm sorry..Bang! Bang! Bang!..No I'm not."

"He tried to kill me..So I gotta return the favor."

"Everyone underestimates the kick in the groin."

"Somebody's telling me that about my wife? I'm sorry sir, but I'm gonna break your leg."

Comedy Fucking Gold.


(Via Gorillamask)

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

It's official..

RickJames

I'm finally done with school! I never thought I'd make it, but this monkey is actually set to graduate! No more classes, all-nighters, tests, or presentations EVER! Finally, it's all over!!!
I'm taking the rest of the day off...time to pop bottles..

I'm almost as excited as this bear:

hahaha4tf

Cheers, people! School's out for EVER!!! BOOYAH!

442646244_l

Bjork Meets Diddy


bjorkdiddyicon9ei1jf

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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Gary and Bill loved summer camp ping-pong hour.

Weirdo Beat Box

Watch how Yahoo Serious gets ill. Rahzel is a toy in comparison.

Space Colony Art circa 1970

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Anything from the late 60's through early 70's that conceptualizes the future is automatically my favorite thing. I really wish I could live on the set of Buck Rogers or Battlestar Galactica. (not the new version that looks like a Goth convention, the old one with Dick Starbuck, BKA Face from the A-team).

This is an amazing gallery of NASA concept art of what they imagined space colonies would look like. If you click on some of the larger versions, you can just barely make out the spacemen leisurely enjoying a picnic of cocaine sandwiches.


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(click pic for more!)

Dante Sings!

Folks, please open your ears and your hearts as Dante sings the theme from "Exodus" on the 1987 show Stairway to Stardom. I'm partial to anyone who looks like a Klingon from the original Star Trek series, but I suspect the secret to his appeal and singing prowess lies buried somewhere deep inside his galactic space medallion. I want to marry that thing.


Baby Suit

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Just think, for only $2,300 you can buy Phillip Toledano's baby suit. I could see Marvel making a superhero out of this guy. He'd use the powers of his screams to explode heads and shoots babies out of his hands instead of lasers. I'd so read that comic.

(via BB)

falling barking stupid felines

I don't like cats. I've had dogs all my life, and I guess I'm just used to loyalty. Cats have their own agendas. Clearly they are less trustworthy. And I don't buy that crap about people saying cats are smarter than dogs. Just because they crap in a box and land on their feet if you throw them across the room doesn't mean they're bright. In fact, I'd argue that they are as equally retarded as our canine friends. Some are so stupid they don't even know they are cats:



And some are just plain dumb.




Monday, May 08, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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It's a well known fact that Heino eats electricity for breakfast.

Blazin' Hazen: Return of Average Homeboy

The Gods of shitty hip hop show me favor. Denny "Blazin" Hazen is at it again, bringing you hypnotic rhyme science and fresh casio beats straight out of the anti-hood, G. If you thought Average Homeboy was painful, wait till you see this. For some reason I feel gross inside after watching it, but that could just be a side effect of getting so severely blazed...




Van Dust Art

Instead of being one of those dickheads who write "clean me!" on the sides of dirty vehicles, someone with time and talent decided to make a really cool dust painting on the side of a creepy molester van. Check it out:

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(Click pic for closeups!)

(via 10e)

BJ The Messenger: "Crackhead"

Take a second and imagine if Rerun from What's Happening made a man-baby with Mexican luchador Santo. Now imagine if he wore Eric B rope chains and rapped. Folks, I give you BJ the Messenger, the king of masked hip hop consciousness. Now if you come to my site, there's a 50/50 chance you're probably a crackhead. So listen to his powerful message about the perils of the rock and you might just be saved.


Sand Castles Gallery

Every year in Harrison Hot Springs, British Columbia, a sand sculpture competition takes place..Check out the gallery below..Some of the past entries are amazing, but I'm definetely partial to one with the band leader feeding beer to a monkey..

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(click pic for gallery!)


Wicked Japanese Sucker Punch

According to Hiphopraps.com, Akiyuki Nosaka and Nagisa Ohshima are the 50 Cent and Ja Rule of Japan. Ok, I lied. But apparently there is some bad blood between them as evidenced by this fantastic clip. Some stuff gets said I don't understand, then Ohshima gets his chin touched and responds with a side winder microphone face smash. Glorious.

World Beard Championship Gallery

Here's a sweet gallery from this year's world beard championship in Germany. I can't decide what's weirder..

Mr. Windmill Grill:


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or the fact that John Malkovich made the finals..

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(Click pic for gallery!)

(via J-Walk)

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Picture Of The Day

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I smell Platinum plaques. Truth be told, I already like this better than the Kelis version. I would love to hear a Neptunes remix with some Harpsichords and madrigal singing. That would be "fire".

(thanks Gabe!)

Tom Cruise Busts Moves

It's official: Scientology causes mental retardation.




(via WWTDD)

Neo meets Yo-Yo

This is from Japan. And it's weird. Shocker, I know. Great for fans of Yo-Yo's, Japanese game shows, The Matrix, and strangely unsettling voice overs.

Giant Gallery

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Noone beats A to the motherfuckin G when it comes to being a giant. But even without Andre, this gallery of history's famous giants is pretty damn cool. Check out this pic of my main man Johann Svarfd├Žlingur Petursson..Dude was 8' 8"! If you count the badass feather headress, dude's pushing 10 feet. R.I.P, my gargantuan ass viking brother..

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(Click pic for gallery!)

(via J-Walk)

Teddy Bear Gun

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Gun-shaped teddy bear crackers ready to liven up wedding receptions


IMABARI, Ehime -- A paint firm here is hoping to add color to wedding receptions in Japan with a new device it has jointly developed -- a gun-shaped party cracker that shoots out a teddy bear.

Sunamiya, a paint firm based in Imabari, Ehime Prefecture, announced the development of the device, which blasts a teddy bear equipped with a parachute into the air. The teddy bear parachutes down afterwards.

Developers hit on the idea after noticing that it had become a trend for people to throw teddy bears into the air instead of bouquets at wedding receptions.

In addition to paint products, Sunamiya produces a paintball marker used to fire paintballs at escaping criminals so they can be identified and captured.

"We're hoping to capture the hearts of couples," a company representative said, commenting on the new device.

The crackers will go on sale in May, and will be marketed to businesses. (Mainichi)

(via)

Calamari Wrestler

I posted about this on my old blog, and thanks to the Japanese weirdo gods I can now watch a trailer for this fantastical abomination of movie bossness.

Nothing makes me smile more that a giant squid that kicks people's asses.



Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Picture Of The Day

internetlingo

I heart the internet.

Bobby Knight: Golf (And Potty Mouth) Your Way

Many years ago while coaching in Indiana, notorious crazy person and filth mouth king Bobby Knight hosted a golf show called "Golf Your Way". After watching this 9 minute clip of outtakes, I am in awe. Mr. Knight is a true profanity jedi. He's like a deadly ninja, except he's obese and uses F Bombs instead of shurikens. My favorite line from this glorious clip:

"Jesus Christ all fucking mighty with that cock sucking fucking bullshit!"

Bravo, sir. You have inspired me to reach deep within to find that champion of profanity I know I have inside me.



(via Gorillamask)

Guitar Face

Let's face it, sometimes in order to make good art you gotta look like a tweaker. You know the face...that half orgasm squint, half stub-your-toe look that rockers get when ripping power chords or doing solos.. This is a sweet gallery of feathered hair, contorted rock mugs, and general face weirdness courtesy of WFMU's Beware of the Blog...

SWITZERLAND JAZZ FESTIVAL

(Click pic for gallery!)

(via WFMU)

"I was just hunting UFOs"

bush-header

I was just hunting UFOs, says Pentagon's UK hacker

LONDON (Reuters) - To the United States, he is a seriously dangerous man who put the nation's security at risk by committing "the biggest military computer hack of all time".

But Briton Gary McKinnon says he is just an ordinary computer nerd who wanted to find out whether aliens and UFOs exist.

During his two-year quest, McKinnon broke into computers at the Pentagon, NASA and the Johnson Space Center as well as systems used by the U.S. army, navy and air force.

U.S. officials say he caused $700,000 worth of damage and even crippled vital defense systems shortly after the September 11 attacks. ...

He said he came across a group called the "Disclosure Project", which had expert testimonies from senior figures who said technology obtained from extra-terrestrials did exist.

One NASA scientist had reported that the Johnson Space Center had a facility where UFOs were airbrushed out of high-resolution satellite images. So, he hacked in.

"I saw what I'm convinced was some kind of satellite or spacecraft but it was manufactured by no means I have ever seen before -- there were no rivets, no seams, it was like one flawless piece of material. And that was above the Earth."

(Read the whole article HERE)

(via C2C)

Hoff: Song of the Night

Apologies for the slow output the last few days..I'm at the end of the semester and am feeling the burn on the work tip...

Speaking of burning sensations, watch this new video recently added to the growing collection of gems in my Hoffitarium. Trust me, it really sucks. Someone should tell the presumably cocaine-enhanced engineer that reverb doesn't make a shitty song better. And using that much of it makes it sound like a broken boombox in a racquetball court. But be sure to check out the pimp ass suspenders: Looks like old Hoff finally cashed in his coupons at the asshole store.