Saturday, June 30, 2007

Don't Cheat Your Kids You Cheap Bastard

The Cool Aid man commercial made me look for some other disgusting food commercials I almost remember from my childhood. I cannot count the ways that this hostess commercial is is wrong.



Yeah, my mom used to splurge and buy me ding dongs when she went shopping. I don't mean to burst your bubble lady but Twinkies are about as fresh as calling someone "home slice".

Friday, June 29, 2007

UFO Mail

Fortean Times has a great new stamp collection article. Makes one realize that the postal services of the world are perfect organizations to run the UFO conspiracy. No one would ever suspect.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Hey! Kool-Aid!



Thanks for the sugar water, but do you think you could pay for the fence you totally fucking destroyed? Jesus, man. We just painted it.

That's cruel, doc.

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(click pic for full size)

Monday, June 25, 2007

Bat for Lashes - What's A Girl to Do

Aside from the fact that I do like the song - it's got a creepy 60s LSD vibe to it that really gets my incense burning - the video is on my list for if for no other reason than the synchronized BMX-rocking forest animal routine....you'll see...




(via Gorilla vs Bear)

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Daft Hands

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In Fucking Credible. One take Jazz hands jedi does Daft Punk "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger." I'm pretty sure this is what happens when you combine math with meth. Science and Rave chemistry clearly make for good internetting.

Van Damne's Ultimate Move

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(via yayhooray)

Panda Dog

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The Unbeatable's pic posted earlier reminded me of this video I saw the other day..The dog's name is Columbo. He's a mutt painted by his beautician/owner to look like a Panda. According to various nerd reports, Tokyo is going nuts for this guy. And I call him a guy because I respect him like a person.



I fucking want it. I feel like one of those Super Sweet 16 Girls jonesing for German cars and a 12 minute undecipherable 50 Cent performance.

(via WWTDD)

Mark Ronson ft. Lily Allen - Oh My God

Actually a cover verison of a Kaiser Chiefs song, off of Ronson's great new album "Versions":

The video is a straight shout-out to Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Ronson loves his horns!

Picture of the Day


(via AFP)

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Picture Of The Day

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Furries Be Rollin..

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What the fuck is up with Furries? It's without a doubt the nerdiest fucking thing in the known world. (Read about the world of Furry Fandom HERE.)

And don't even get me started for how shitty hip hop has gotten over the last few..fuck, waay too long time. If I see another money knot or spinning rim on the soul-raping hell box I call a television I'm going to tie a slip knot or spin a chamber and end it all.

So what better way to mock the genre than by having some Furries dance around an Escalade?



I hear the yellow dog guy stabbed 50 Cent 40 times at a club last weekend for stealing his sneer..pass it on. And if you are in Illinois in November, you should totally go to the Midwest Furfest and take some pictures for me.

(via Transbuddha)

Satan, I Know Thy Face

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My Pick For President

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Fuck Hillary, fuck Obama, fuck Mitt (that sounds like a fetish), and fuck that fat guy who plays govermnent dudes on TV who I hear is planning on being the damn president. I even say fuck General Zod, and fuck Chris Walken. I've officially got my pick for Prezzo.

And that man is Cyrus, from "The Warriors". Let's face it, he has a great following, the streets love him, has the beautiful hairstylings of a transexual Thai prostitute, and possesses amazing stage presence. He's clearly a leader, and united the ruffians of a rough and tumble city in one single night. Watch his speech and tell me you wouldn't punch booku chads for his ass.




As for my My VP pick? Al Gore, natch. And if there is another dreaded fiasco ala 2000 election, you can bet Cyrus will say those magic words.." Can you count, suckers? I say the future is ours...If you can count."

I'd gladly fight a thousand republicans and a few Baseball Furies to stand by his side.

The Bible..As A 2D Fighting Game?

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Looks like Jeezy is about to break out the Kung Fu!

(via Yayhooray)

Noone Wants To Play Sega With Harrison Ford


Peep Brandon Bird if you haven't yet..the guy is awesome, and is already responsible for this masterpiece..

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(click pick for large size)


Check his site..fresh to death.

Eleganza 1970's Fashions

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Check out these super-fresh retro ads from Ebony from the 70's. Is it just me, or does every one of those pimp motherfuckers look like a goddamned superhero? If I had the confidence of half of these models, I could take over the omniverse in about 50 seconds with my super high-octane style and panache. I feel like these guys were designed by some MIT students that typed "fucking jive ass super awesome" into their mega nerd supercomputer 10 miles beneath Cambridge. My God, that collar alone could fight crime. I bet dollars to donuts Batman would cry like Jimmy fucking Swaggart if one of these boss ass bastards pimp limped into Wayne mansion.

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Click pic or go HERE for all the ads..

Sweet blogohol, I sense a relapse approaching

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Man, I've been working like a dog. A mean dog with an even meaner monkey on his back. With a whip in his hand. And a shrill, taunting voice terrifyingly profane and derisive. Hence the post drought. Thanks Unbeatable, without you M4H would have been on drought this week. Your posts allow the little nerd inside me to sleep at night. So I apologize for my lack of nerditude, and I give you my gratitude for not giving me attitude. Please, no need for platitudes. Lets get with the monkey, shall we? I promise, by the end of the weekend you'll look like this guy..

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That rat is so good at acting you can almost hear James Lipton jacking off in the background.

Faster Than a Speeding Muppet

When I was a tiny little guy, I watched a hell of a lot of Sesame Street. Sesame Street prepared me for many things in life but most of all it prepared me for the use mind altering drugs.





I also learned how to fight dirty. Notice how one boy says, "put down that apple so we can fight". Then, as the other boy goes to put down the apple he starts wailing on him.



Youtube has an incredible assortment of cartoons and skits from sesame street so you stand a good chance of find that one lodged in the back of your subconscious.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Dance Little Bee

Bees aren't the only animal that communicates by shaking its ass. But, they are the best at it. Bees do calculations while they dance like little striped mathematicians.



This type of behavior not only helps the bees find honey but more importantly provides great material for High School Biology teachers with nothing left to lose.


Tuesday, June 19, 2007

The Mermaid Stays in the Picture

Here are two short pieces about the little mermaid. Piece 1:



I will believe anything that comes out of the mouth of a cat in a suit with a pointer.

And piece two is a story about the greatest answering machine message ever left. From the link, listen to the full episode and go to 2:00 in (act 1). Just listen. It keeps getting better.


(video via nakedrabbit thanks to Negativland)

Monday, June 18, 2007

For Love of the Game


Have you ever been watching some sport or another and gotten so inspired by the thrill of it all that you whipped out your pen and pad and wrote some free verse right then and there? I came across this site devoted to poetry about Maradona. Here's a sample from Omar Shibli:

Oh Diego,
You came on such a light foot,
Striding runs and penalties took,
You came, you went, you stole our hearts,
Our love for the game means we're never apart.

and this guy Richard Harrison who writes hockey poetry such as this little tidbit:

Almost like leaves on a stream they drift toward center
their hands naked now
their heads unhelmeted
this is the undressing

I've been watching hockey for awhile now and I only know about three periods and a Zamboni. The undressing thing must be part of how they play hockey in Canada.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Which band would you pay to see, and why?

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The Abba tribute power-quintet composed of former Branch Davidians and Rennaisance Fair enthusaists?


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Or the Eastern Bloc Backstreet Boys?


Feel free to take your time. This is clearly a hard decision to make.

SuperFuzz!

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I don't have words for how awesome this movie looks. Prepare yourself for a plethora of truly stupendous retro-shenanigans. The premise (from WFMU:)

"Nice guy cop Dave Speed paddles his canoe too close to a NASA test station and after getting drenched with radiation finds that he is imbued with super powers. The problem is, nobody believes him, not even his partner Ernest Borgnine (whose blustery over-acting knows no limits), because whenever he sees red his powers go away."

Watch this, it's priceless. I especially like the "you try to kill me, but I mock you by catching your bullet in my teeth" bit.(which is presumably followed in the movie by Superfuzz kill/murdering the life out of the guy in an overzealous and disturbingly comical shooting). Fuck yeah, this guy rocks! I say clone him and fill the streets with them. Criminals will have nowhere to run when heavily-armed maniacs like Superfuzz totally go apeshit and jump through godamned brick walls chasing them.



(via The ODK)

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Picture Of The Day

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Grinny Swedes always win the regatas. Their secret? Fondue.

Neo-Dandyism, anyone?

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For those of you who miss the days of handlebar mustaches and giant bicycles ridden by a certain sort of distinguished gentlemen, have I got the tonic for you.

Friends, I give you The Chap Magazine.

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..from their manifesto:

"It is time for Chaps and Chapettes from all walks of life to stand up and be counted. But fear not, ye languid and ye plain idle: ours is a revolution based not on getting up early and exerting oneself - but a revolution that can be achieved by a single raised eyebrow over a monocle; the ordering of a glass of port in All Bar One; the wearing of a particularly fetching cardigan upon a visit to one's bookmaker. In other words: a revolution of panache."

Dear Lord, my mustache envy is growing as we speak. If I had a monocle it would have have projected itself from my face as a result of my tremendous whammy eyes after seeing this amazing publication. Click pic below and check out their fantastic site...

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And for more old-timey shenanigans, check out the Handlebar Club..make sure to peep the galleries! Glorious!

(thanks Noon!)

Japanese Game Show Tetris

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I'd gladly fight Chong Li in the motherfucking kumite to get my hands on a feed from daytime Japanese television. I'd even let him throw blindy kung-fu powder in my eyes. This live action tetris is double plus fucking terrific. I can't believe we're stuck eating cereal to the likes of Regis and Dr. Phil. God is cruel. Clearly Japanese God is truly magnificent.

Kid, Your Papa Is An Asshole.

Nose Finger Robot

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Unsettling. Can someone tell me why it changes your eye color?

(via Yayhooray)

The Stuyvesant Town Black Squirrel

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Here's another chance to get your learn on, courtesy of the boys over at Sweatervest..This time, the Mysterious Creatures team takes a look at the the Stuyvesant Black Squirrel. The triangle bit is priceless..and I'm glad I was reminded of one of my favorite old-timey game, nut hunt. God I miss those days. When squirrels were still squirrels and it was ok to use them as a kickball without a swarm of filthy hippie people getting their drug rugs all knotted up.



(Thanks Noon and Kuru!)

Monday, June 11, 2007

Picture Of The Day

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Never mock an armed man's beautiful mustache while he's eating spaghetti. Never.

Hitler Gets Banned

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How nerdy is this? Let's put it this way..my Geordi LaForge life size cut out just guffawed at me for watching it.



(via M&C)

Boss Transformers Costumes

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In light of the upcoming potentially awesome Michael Bay cocaine-fueled explosions fest (watch this new shit), Check out these amazing transformers costumes...they actual transform! I'd need a gaggle of nerds to help me make those as well as a chiropractor to adjust me after I gave myself slipped discs during my slow and awkward transforming. Also, the sound of me transforming wouldn't be the cool chik-chok-chaku thing. It would sound more like the groans of a 14-year old drugged Bulldog with arthritis running incline on a treadmill.



(via The ODK)

Back To The Future - Metal Version

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Marty rocks the "Enchantment Under The Sea" dance..death metal style. The song is "Serenity in fire" by Kataklysm. Don't front, you know this is Ipod material. Because
nothing uplifts you on a tired Monday morning commute like chugging power chords and the sounds of screaming hell demons. Have a great week!

Extreme Bugling

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They really prescribed alot of amphetamines during olden times.

(via BoingBoing)

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Cut It in Half and Let's See

Someone had a lot of fun making comedic cross sections based on the Star Wars Universe.

(via Al MacDonald over at Diary of a Crazed Mibanite)

They Don't Make Music Videos Like They Used To



What went wrong? My guess is too much Angel Dust. Also, the decision to shoot the video in Hall's basement couldn't have helped much either. Well, they probably got her back by hiring some private eyes to track her down.

Godzilla, Take Me Away!



I wish there was something I could say to add to the sheer brilliance of the ending of this movie but alas you can't improve on perfection. As far as I know, this scene is the only time in any of the movies that Godzilla singles someone out for a smacking.

Friday, June 08, 2007

That's It. I'm Moving to Columbia

Here's my offering to the recent slew of old school music videos with older school special effects. It's a smoking hot video for the Latin Brothers song, Las Calenas son Como las Flores (Calenian Girls are like Flowers).



The video is like someone injected 150 cc's of sexy into Guys and Dolls. These cats dance so smooth that they start to glow like in the Last Dragon. If moving to Columbia meant that I could dance like that, I'd already be there and I'd be pushing everyone who got between me and my lovely dance partner out of my way .

(via discos fuentes)

Monday, June 04, 2007

Newcleus And Jonzun Crew

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All the dope music posts lately (props, Mantis!) and my infinite quest for robot-voice electro videos inspired me to do some retro youtube break surfing..and boy did I find some sweet nerd treasure.

First up, check out the awesome video for
the quintessential breakin' song, Newcleus's "Jam On It". Check the fly dancing, and stay for the ridiculously dope beat. It sounds like Alvin and The Chipmunks had a DJ soundclash with Afrika Bambaataa. Fantastico. Keytars have never been so fly.



And this is one is so fresh it burned my eyes. Jonzun Crew, you have won my heart. These guys were doing the robot thing way before Daft Punk. It's like the Cylons from Battlestar Galactica watched Wyld Style and joined forces with some popping/locking rodeo clowns for a night of lo-tech magic and lasers.



Long live electro, breaking, and the almighty robot voice.

Catch 5: WEWS TV 70's Throwback

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70's news has never been so psychedelic. There are level-7 mutton chops in this gem, as well as pomade hairdos that look ballistic missile proof. And with names like Gib Shanley and John Hambrick, everybody wins. It feels so good, it almost warrants jazz hands.

This Hip-Hop Dancer is Breakdancing

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So jive. Click pic for larger size..

Japanese Secretary/Jedi Master

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This has got to be the best secretary on Earth. Watch this lady move faster than a ninja laser gun fight. She's so efficient she probably replaces robots.

411 Song

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If you've ever heard a song you wished you knew the name of, you'll love this. 411 Song lets you find out the name of that tune annoying the shit out of you because you can't figure out who it is..just call (866) 411-SONG. Wait for the beep and hold your phone near the music for just 15 seconds.

The robots inside the interweb will identify the song and send you a SMS with all the song info and a link to get it. There is no charge for your first ID. Subsequent IDs are $0.99. Or, get unlimited ID's for $3.99 a month.

How fucking cool is that? Someone should do it and tell me if it works because I'm too cheap to buy anything that isn't free. Check it out HERE.

(via Presurfer)

Holy Shit.

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If that kid wished for poop in his pants for Christmas, then he's about to be thrilled.

Spelling Bee Whammy Face

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Watch this kid spell "Negus" (Used formerly as a title for emperors of Ethiopia) and his reaction once finding out he nailed it. Boom goes the dynamite.



(via Digg)

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Who's In The House?

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Damn straight. And are you ready for the new live action He-Man the movie? I'm sure it will be sucktacular. I'm not sure that continuing the trend of live action 80's remakes is the best idea, but what the hell, I'll check it out. But I really can't imagine how it can beat Dolph Lundgren's masterpiece.

The Funk Made Them Crazy

Three individuals who are so goddamn funky that it made them each super fucking crazy, on one stage. And Prince is the craziest of them all...



(via Better than Yours)

This Just In...

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