James Brown Gives Dance Lessons

Labels: secret scrolls of power and enlightenment

Cobra Commander Is An Asshole

Labels: animals, Cobra

Extreme Whammy Face

Labels: stinkeye

Kanye West - Can't Tell Me Nothin' w/ Zach Galifianakis

Labels: rappipty rapping

Emo Lawn

Labels: Emo, lawns

Science Vs. Religion

Labels: religion, science, Street Fighter

One More Time for Your Mind

I love repetition. If it there were a fan club, I'd be vice president. What I'm trying to say is that I'll try to understand if you don't love this new youtube trend I've discovered as much as I do.

The trend is "Unfitting Music" and examples are forthcoming. Most of the clips use cartoons based on video games like Super Mario Brothers.

Here are some others:

Dancing Queen
Tears of Joy

Whoever came up with this is the zen master of youtube trying to break down the ego with extra koan-like flavor. It's like being punched in the face again and again by delicious candy.

Labels: repetitive

Picture of the Day

Labels: Drugs, muppets, pictures

The 'Stache Register

I'm a longtime believer in the power of mustaches. It's true that everyone who ever did anything had one: Vlad The Impaler, Burt Reynolds, Mario, Luigi, Wilford Brimley, Tom Skerrit, The Monopoly Man, the list goes on..there are literally dozens more.

Peep Radar's 'Stache Register to check out the world's most powerful mustaches. The fact that some of these guys have billions in inherited oil money probably has something to do with their success, but mustaches are like prosperity magnifiers. Except mine, which just made me look like a sexual predator.

Labels: mustaches

Blog of Unnecessary Quotation Marks

Labels: language

Clowns Are The Devil's Shepards

Labels: holy shit

Rose Porteous, You Are A Godforsaken Idiot

(Via Digg)

Labels: morons, sass mouth

What The Shit?

Labels: old timey

Darth Vader would never hire him.

Labels: Politics, star wars

George Kranz - Din Da Da

Labels: Music that crawls in your ear and eats your brain like the bug in Wrath Of Khan

Picture of the Day

Labels: pictures

NMKY (Finnish YMCA cover)

Labels: Finnish Disco

Fredy Miler, Guardian of The Penthouse Mustache

Labels: facial hair bordering on the divine

More Old School

I never listened to LA Dream Team when they were around but they do have the distinction of being one of the only hip hop groups with a token white girl. This video's kind of fun with the breaking and entering and the nursery rhymes and the Fedora giant gold medallion combo. Chocolate cake sounds good right about now.

Labels: 1980's, hip hop, old school

I'll Take Dirty Filth Mouth For 1000, Alex

Labels: canada, drunk, filthy mouths, mustaches

Catastrophic LP Covers

Katastrofala Omslag is a blog dedicated to totally radical Swedish LP covers.

Never has there been a more robust collection of jewfro, baby petters, pervert mustaches, "penthouse mustaches" (aka unibrows), nylon, poor dental hygiene, and figure skating attire than in this astounding collection. Check these gems out:

If you look up "Gay disco glossy" in the dictionary, it's a picture of The Samuelsons partying with Freddy Mercury by a pool in Ibiza. I bet they sound like Chipmunks covering Abba. One thing is for sure, the brothers Gibb probably sound like Leonard fucking Cohen compared to Euro Ken on the left. Good lord, that's a shiny man. My ears hurt just looking at him. And who knew George W. looked so good with a Playmobil haircut. Bravo, Mr. President. Bravo.


Kellox: (noun.) Popular Swedish phrase translated as "Kiefer Sutherland in a Cosby sweater."


Attention little boys: This summer be prepared..to party! Paul Giamatti stars as "Boogie", the super-cool Scoutmaster with a no-holds barred Disco attitude. Rated R.

Dear Thor this blog kicks my ass with pointy wooden shoes. Check out the whole collection HERE.

(via PCL Link Dump)

Labels: Awesome, Disco, feathered hair, mustaches, Sweden

Mike Rowe's Super-Sassy Sales System

Labels: salesmanship

Have Another, Elvis..

Labels: Drugs, Elvis

Contact Juggling

My sister went to a Yo-Yo competition the other day and saw "contact juggling", was sufficiently impressed, came home and google it, found this clip, posted it to her myspace, which I then gaffled and blogged, and now you are watching it. Jesus, that is so damn futuristic. I feel like a fatter, gun-shy, much less impressive version of Neo from the Matrix. Watch this guy, his hands are like that of the ninja. He should rent himself to Raves to make kids on acid uncomfortable. He should also make me a Caipirinha, because he might be the most Brazilian looking person ever.

Labels: laser hands that posesses the devil's magic

I Have a Question...

Labels: bad ideas, failed karate moves, gates, stupid

Blog Delayed Due To Chocolate Rain

Back to the world I know. My trip was amazing..got to see a very grand canyon, lots of desert, and the totally surreal twilight zone known as Las Vegas. Got to gamble, Got to see one of my best friends get hitched, got to grow a totally boss Larry Bird-esque mustache, and got to take a break from the monotony of my daily grind. Double plus thanks to my fellow monkians for holding down the blogpiece. It's good to be back..Life is good, work is boring, and the internet is fantastic.

While I was gone, lots of things happened..bridges fell, Kevins Federlined, perpetual wars raged on perpetually, Mario Batali got redder and fatter, Jason Bourne delivered ultimatums, and Karl Rove ended his rapping career permanently.

But in my opinion, the most important thing that happened during my period in absentia was the world being introduced to a young, brassy baritone by the name of Tay Zonday.

6 million people can't be wrong. It's a fact: Mr. Zonday makes it rain..chocolate style.


What is it about this video that gets me going? I don't know. Maybe it's the way he sings out the side of his mouth and rocks permanent surprised face. Maybe it's because he sounds like Orson Welles and Darth Vader's Canadian nephew. This song is gold. Watching it feels like God is playing ping-pong with my eyeballs. I can't stop listening to his hypnotic siren song. I know I'm like two weeks behind the internet on this one, but I couldn't help it. He's like a subdued, more talented William Hung, minus the TI-82 and muskrat teeth. But I know you're asking, what's the only thing that could make the song better? Here's a hint: It's 3 syllables, sweaty, and lives in a man's chest. Booyah. Getyoasstomahz.

Labels: chocolate, rain

Heartrending Letters

Here's a classic story of lowercase letters, spaceships and woodland animals.

And my mother used to wonder why her 4 year old would cry himself to sleep at night. Between those Sesame Street cartoons and the Last Unicorn, I had the heaviest heart in preschool.

Labels: sesame street, the sadness of children

Looking at Me Looking at You

This photo is such a wonderful inversion of the male gaze that I had to post it.

Labels: male gaze

Dueling Banjos/Chainsaws

I like over the top supercharged action fight sequences as much as the next guy. Maybe more. But a martial arts showdown with chainsaws?

On second viewing, I must say that it's the facial expressions and dialogue (Michael?) that carry the scene.

Labels: chainsaws, martial arts, supercharged action

Child Tests Monk's Patience

Here's a story that was practically made for local TV news. Tibetan monks in exile traveled to the US a bit ago to raise money and awareness of their culture and political predicament. They spent a few days painstakingly creating a large sand art mandala in Kansas City's train station.

Yes, that incredible mandala is created entirely out of colored sand. Not the aforementioned mandala but close enough.

The sand art was left roped off over night with no guards (monks have to sleep sometime) and guess what. Some lady wasn't watching her kid for a minute and he ran all over the sand and created some art of his own.


According to witnesses, the monks didn't seem too distraught about how some little pissant destroyed tens of hours of labor and so they went back to work recreating the mandala. Somewhere in there is a grand metaphor about American culture but thats another story. You can link to some Kansas City local news coverage of what happened here and you can see what happened to the kid after the reporters backs were turned below.

(child abuse via a gif group on virb)

Labels: local tv, monks

Go For It!

Some marketing director got a lot of mileage out of this one.

An original idea, great child acting, a great script, and a powerful voice over give this commercial the strength to stay in my head for at least twenty years. I remember privately wishing for a sister so could say, "pretty sneaky, sis" without having to go through all the effort of putting a dress on my younger brother. If I ever did have a sister to trick me, I would have been hard pressed to choose between that line and Milton's "Hast thou betrayed my credulous innocence with vizor'd falsehood and base forgery?"

Labels: 1980's, commercials, connect four

Cat Attack

Looks like some lady got an extra dose of the cat crazies.

(via spluch)

Labels: Cats

Tight Crew

In the early days of hip hop, the Cold Crush Brothers had an act that was air hockey smooth. Consummate performers.

Labels: cold crush brothers, hip hop, old school

A Simple Message

If you have a daily quota of meaninglessness, this video should help you fill it.

Labels: farmer tan

The War on Graffiti

Labels: 1980's, Graf

Extreme Chair Jumping

LOL!!!

Proper breath - Yoga

Really amazing 40 second inhalation by Yogacharya B.K.S.Iyengar (Guruji).

Labels: yoga

Clear and Present Danger

It's scary because it's a small step away from what actual white house press conferences sound like.

(via Sequoia Sempervirens)

Labels: Politics, zombies

Monster Truck SNES

This commercial tapped right into the demographic that loves video games and monster truck rallies in a way not seen since the Bigfoot nintendo game.

Labels: commercials, Video Games

Escort - All Through the Night

I've been away from the internets for a while, sipping margaritas at the swim-up bar in Aruba with Mrs. Mantis for a while, then dealing with work, but I'm back with some musical hors d'oeuvres. First up is a delicious combination of sexual innuendo and dancing Muppets: the ghost of Jim Henson is either wicked uncomfortable with this or totally doing the electric slide in heaven.

(hat tip to the One and Only Mogolodi!)

Labels: Disco, Escort, Mash Up, mashup, Music, remix, Retro

This Game Blows

I would totally play this game. Someone really should make enough console based musical instruments that virtual rock bands, wind quartets and full orchestras start appearing in the country of internet.

You can check out the full onion article about the fictional "Sousaphone Hero" here.

Labels: onion, Video Games

Vacation? All I Ever Wanted.

Labels: excuses

Labels: mr. Rogers, Retro, Video Games