James Brown Gives Dance Lessons

That's it. The Internet is closed. No need to look for anything ever again. The best video has been found. No midget, monkey, Japanese game show, or Turkish knock-off can even come close to how Rad this is.

Check out this amazing video of James Brown sharing his ancient secrets. Watch him bust out his moves...even the motherfucking robot. This video is much too powerful. It should be locked somewhere out in the Nevada desert surrounded by alien bodies until the world is ready for it. He literally does more cool things in 2 minutes than I've done in my entire life.

(via Digg)

Cobra Commander Is An Asshole

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Extreme Whammy Face

Yow.

Kanye West - Can't Tell Me Nothin' w/ Zach Galifianakis

I'm a huge fan of Zach Galifianakis, and loved this Kanye West video he did. From ODK: "Galifianakis brought director Michael Blieden down to his farm in the Carolinas and basically shot a Hype Williams video amongst the cornstalks, starring Galifianakis as Kanye. Complete with sunset-and-tractor and clogging-in-slomo shots".

This is so much better than watching Kanye West do anything. And it's funny.

And for more Zach, check this out.

(via the ODK)

Emo Lawn

Science Vs. Religion

Just like Ryu, the Hurricane kick of science always dominates.

One More Time for Your Mind

I love repetition. If it there were a fan club, I'd be vice president. What I'm trying to say is that I'll try to understand if you don't love this new youtube trend I've discovered as much as I do.

The trend is "Unfitting Music" and examples are forthcoming. Most of the clips use cartoons based on video games like Super Mario Brothers.

Here are some others:

Dancing Queen
Tears of Joy

Whoever came up with this is the zen master of youtube trying to break down the ego with extra koan-like flavor. It's like being punched in the face again and again by delicious candy.

Picture of the Day

Funny, I always pegged Bunsen for a reefer man.

The 'Stache Register

I'm a longtime believer in the power of mustaches. It's true that everyone who ever did anything had one: Vlad The Impaler, Burt Reynolds, Mario, Luigi, Wilford Brimley, Tom Skerrit, The Monopoly Man, the list goes on..there are literally dozens more.

Peep Radar's 'Stache Register to check out the world's most powerful mustaches. The fact that some of these guys have billions in inherited oil money probably has something to do with their success, but mustaches are like prosperity magnifiers. Except mine, which just made me look like a sexual predator.

(click pic for list!)

(via Gorillamask)

Blog of Unnecessary Quotation Marks

A few weeks back while traveling, I developed a serious addiction to air quotes. It started with a few now and then, and I proceed swiftly to daily, then hourly use. It was intense. Life was a whirlwind. I didn't know up from down, left from right. I got help, and I'm happy to say that I only occasionally use air quotes now, and I make sure that it doesn't affect my job and social life in a negative way.

Anyway, check out this blog of unnecessary quotation marks. It's "boss", and totally "safe" for "kids".

(click pic for blog!)

(via Blort)

Clowns Are The Devil's Shepards

I bet that kid will pee her pants every time she sees a birthday present until she's 30. I feel like crying and I'm a grown man.

(via Eatliver)

Rose Porteous, You Are A Godforsaken Idiot

Can someone please get this befuddled socialite another drink before she kills the sound boy and goes Zsa-Zsa Gabor on the anchorman's face? Man. She is so close to smacking the sweet sass out of that guy. But who can blame her, really.

(Via Digg)

What The Shit?

Fish Nostradamus drops Science.

Darth Vader would never hire him.

George Kranz - Din Da Da

The other day I got out of bed and heard this echoing in my ear. I was probably having my recurring dream where I'm the world breakdancing champion. Or it might have been the nightmare where I can't ever stop breakdancing. Either way, it got inside my head. And as a result the whole fucking day felt like a Volkswagen commercial. It got ridiculous. Check out George Kranz's masterpiece, Din Da Da. It's like the Hip-Hop version of the "Manamana" song by the Muppets. This song is like heroin for the inner b-boy inside all of us. Catch the fever.

(via WFMU)

Picture of the Day

Say it ain't so Santa.

NMKY (Finnish YMCA cover)

I was in love with this literally from the first analog synth sound I heard, then grew even more impressed once I saw that Fred Armisen's doppleganger was helming this fantastic band. Now this is music, my friends. Just the perfect sound. It's like Brian Eno got food poisoning from eating Fondue while skiing in Europe and had a fistfight with 70s porn. Brilliant. This is also further evidence supporting my theory that everyone from 1979 looks like a convicted sex offender.

(via BoingBoing)

Fredy Miler, Guardian of The Penthouse Mustache

Slovak singer Fredy Miler has taken something so seemingly boring..a plain old single contiguous eyebrow..and made it into something truly glorious. He takes the penthouse mustache through the roof and towards the stars. Honestly, he looks like he's wearing a Wolfman Halloween costume from the local CVS. And when the eye-raping green vest of oblivion makes an appearance, watch out ladies! You will not be able to resist Mr. Miler's charm. (As long as you like guys who look like bartenters at a Fallujan Applebees.)

(thanks again, Nuno!)

More Old School

I never listened to LA Dream Team when they were around but they do have the distinction of being one of the only hip hop groups with a token white girl. This video's kind of fun with the breaking and entering and the nursery rhymes and the Fedora giant gold medallion combo. Chocolate cake sounds good right about now.

I'll Take Dirty Filth Mouth For 1000, Alex

Clutch the pearls, Mr. Trebek. You give mustachioed Canadians a bad name. PS, do you have a Tiki bar behind that podium?

(via gorillamask)

Catastrophic LP Covers

Katastrofala Omslag is a blog dedicated to totally radical Swedish LP covers.

Never has there been a more robust collection of jewfro, baby petters, pervert mustaches, "penthouse mustaches" (aka unibrows), nylon, poor dental hygiene, and figure skating attire than in this astounding collection. Check these gems out:

The Orjans:

Another shot of the Orjans, seen here without their trademark pederast mustaches.

If you look up "Gay disco glossy" in the dictionary, it's a picture of The Samuelsons partying with Freddy Mercury by a pool in Ibiza. I bet they sound like Chipmunks covering Abba. One thing is for sure, the brothers Gibb probably sound like Leonard fucking Cohen compared to Euro Ken on the left. Good lord, that's a shiny man. My ears hurt just looking at him. And who knew George W. looked so good with a Playmobil haircut. Bravo, Mr. President. Bravo.

Kellox: (noun.) Popular Swedish phrase translated as "Kiefer Sutherland in a Cosby sweater."

Attention little boys: This summer be prepared..to party! Paul Giamatti stars as "Boogie", the super-cool Scoutmaster with a no-holds barred Disco attitude. Rated R.

Dear Thor this blog kicks my ass with pointy wooden shoes. Check out the whole collection HERE.

(via PCL Link Dump)

Mike Rowe's Super-Sassy Sales System

All hail Mike Rowe, master of the velvet voice and champion of QVC sarcasm. Watch him sell a crinkly cat bag to hilarious effect. And I challenge his notion that humans wouldn't want to climb into crinkly bags. That thing looks utterly fantastic. If they they made them in the "large to husky" category, you would have yourself a sale, sir.

For more check out Mr. Rowe hocking Lava Lamps, Church kitsch, and the uber-creepy "precious moments".

(via Blog You Like a Hurricane)

Have Another, Elvis..

In light of yesterday being the 30th anniversary of the King's demise, I thought I'd share this amazing clip of Elvis on stage. Jesus Christ this guy was really fucking high. What kind of pharmaceutical cocktail does a normal human have to take to sound like that? You could open up my head and punch me inside my brain, sever my frontal lobes, and hit me in the beans with a shovel and I'd still sound like Ira Glass on Ritalin compared to this hot mess. FYI: "Blubababababa..plus tax" is the name of my new band. CD in stores soon.

Contact Juggling

My sister went to a Yo-Yo competition the other day and saw "contact juggling", was sufficiently impressed, came home and google it, found this clip, posted it to her myspace, which I then gaffled and blogged, and now you are watching it. Jesus, that is so damn futuristic. I feel like a fatter, gun-shy, much less impressive version of Neo from the Matrix. Watch this guy, his hands are like that of the ninja. He should rent himself to Raves to make kids on acid uncomfortable. He should also make me a Caipirinha, because he might be the most Brazilian looking person ever.

(thanks Laura!)

I Have a Question...

Who is the dimmest? This kid:

Or this cat?

Note: Being awesome does not excuse stupidity.

Blog Delayed Due To Chocolate Rain

Back to the world I know. My trip was amazing..got to see a very grand canyon, lots of desert, and the totally surreal twilight zone known as Las Vegas. Got to gamble, Got to see one of my best friends get hitched, got to grow a totally boss Larry Bird-esque mustache, and got to take a break from the monotony of my daily grind. Double plus thanks to my fellow monkians for holding down the blogpiece. It's good to be back..Life is good, work is boring, and the internet is fantastic.

While I was gone, lots of things happened..bridges fell, Kevins Federlined, perpetual wars raged on perpetually, Mario Batali got redder and fatter, Jason Bourne delivered ultimatums, and Karl Rove ended his rapping career permanently.

But in my opinion, the most important thing that happened during my period in absentia was the world being introduced to a young, brassy baritone by the name of Tay Zonday.

6 million people can't be wrong. It's a fact: Mr. Zonday makes it rain..chocolate style.

What is it about this video that gets me going? I don't know. Maybe it's the way he sings out the side of his mouth and rocks permanent surprised face. Maybe it's because he sounds like Orson Welles and Darth Vader's Canadian nephew. This song is gold. Watching it feels like God is playing ping-pong with my eyeballs. I can't stop listening to his hypnotic siren song. I know I'm like two weeks behind the internet on this one, but I couldn't help it. He's like a subdued, more talented William Hung, minus the TI-82 and muskrat teeth. But I know you're asking, what's the only thing that could make the song better? Here's a hint: It's 3 syllables, sweaty, and lives in a man's chest. Booyah. Getyoasstomahz.

(thanks Nuno!)

Heartrending Letters

Here's a classic story of lowercase letters, spaceships and woodland animals.

And my mother used to wonder why her 4 year old would cry himself to sleep at night. Between those Sesame Street cartoons and the Last Unicorn, I had the heaviest heart in preschool.

Looking at Me Looking at You

This photo is such a wonderful inversion of the male gaze that I had to post it.

Dueling Banjos/Chainsaws

I like over the top supercharged action fight sequences as much as the next guy. Maybe more. But a martial arts showdown with chainsaws?

On second viewing, I must say that it's the facial expressions and dialogue (Michael?) that carry the scene.

Child Tests Monk's Patience

Here's a story that was practically made for local TV news. Tibetan monks in exile traveled to the US a bit ago to raise money and awareness of their culture and political predicament. They spent a few days painstakingly creating a large sand art mandala in Kansas City's train station.

Yes, that incredible mandala is created entirely out of colored sand. Not the aforementioned mandala but close enough.

The sand art was left roped off over night with no guards (monks have to sleep sometime) and guess what. Some lady wasn't watching her kid for a minute and he ran all over the sand and created some art of his own.


According to witnesses, the monks didn't seem too distraught about how some little pissant destroyed tens of hours of labor and so they went back to work recreating the mandala. Somewhere in there is a grand metaphor about American culture but thats another story. You can link to some Kansas City local news coverage of what happened here and you can see what happened to the kid after the reporters backs were turned below.

(child abuse via a gif group on virb)

Go For It!

Some marketing director got a lot of mileage out of this one.

An original idea, great child acting, a great script, and a powerful voice over give this commercial the strength to stay in my head for at least twenty years. I remember privately wishing for a sister so could say, "pretty sneaky, sis" without having to go through all the effort of putting a dress on my younger brother. If I ever did have a sister to trick me, I would have been hard pressed to choose between that line and Milton's "Hast thou betrayed my credulous innocence with vizor'd falsehood and base forgery?"

Cat Attack

Looks like some lady got an extra dose of the cat crazies.

(via spluch)

Tight Crew

In the early days of hip hop, the Cold Crush Brothers had an act that was air hockey smooth. Consummate performers.

A Simple Message

If you have a daily quota of meaninglessness, this video should help you fill it.

The War on Graffiti

Extreme Chair Jumping

LOL!!!

Proper breath - Yoga

Really amazing 40 second inhalation by Yogacharya B.K.S.Iyengar (Guruji).

Clear and Present Danger

It's scary because it's a small step away from what actual white house press conferences sound like.

(via Sequoia Sempervirens)

Monster Truck SNES

This commercial tapped right into the demographic that loves video games and monster truck rallies in a way not seen since the Bigfoot nintendo game.

Escort - All Through the Night

I've been away from the internets for a while, sipping margaritas at the swim-up bar in Aruba with Mrs. Mantis for a while, then dealing with work, but I'm back with some musical hors d'oeuvres. First up is a delicious combination of sexual innuendo and dancing Muppets: the ghost of Jim Henson is either wicked uncomfortable with this or totally doing the electric slide in heaven.

(hat tip to the One and Only Mogolodi!)

This Game Blows

I would totally play this game. Someone really should make enough console based musical instruments that virtual rock bands, wind quartets and full orchestras start appearing in the country of internet.

You can check out the full onion article about the fictional "Sousaphone Hero" here.

Vacation? All I Ever Wanted.

Sorry the posts have been light lately. Alot of work, too much fresh air and sunlight, you know the drill..plus I'm going on vacation. The good news is, I'll return and blog till my nerdly digits blister. Promise. In the meantime, check out the blogroll, peep fellow M4H author the Unbeatable's bloggy blog, breakdance, listen to an amazing example of techno/house rave-robots breathing lasers music, or just strike a pose.

Peace, people! Wish me luck. If I win in Vegas, you all get monkeys.

Check out this incredible 8-bit Nintendo mega-mix. It tickles the nerdbones in oh so many ways. You get the glory of Kung Fu, Street Fighter, Punch Out, Mario, and Megaman to name a few. Also you get to hear hyper intense japanese intstrumental energy music, which is alot like snorting an mp3. This is alot like a post-sushi, fever-induced dream you might have after passing out on an arcade floor. Except cool, more awesome, and bad. (FYI: not bad meaning bad, but bad meaning good. )

(And for more retro video game 80's action, check out this totally boss video of Mr. Rogers playing Donkey Kong.)

(Thanks John!)