Rap Chop!

Being away from computers was nice, but I definitely missed some top-notch nerdery. Like this positively rad Breakbeat video remix by Steve Porter featuring Vince the Sham Wow guy (aka infomercial guru and master of the wolf face technique who occasionally enjoys prostitute punching). It's so well done it makes his pitching of the gloriously useless yet somehow inexplicably desirable Slap-Chop far more tolerable and rave-friendly.

I know this is all over that Internet* you keep mentioning. I was late. Keep in mind that at this time a week ago I was rocking flip flops and sweating through my clothes while located directly inside the ass of a giant motherfucking jungle. Otherwise I would have Twiddled** your Facespace** and sent the link via long-distance blogletter** from my Blueberry**. Wow. All this robot talk makes me feel like some kind of shiny suit future man. I have a headache, but it's cool. Future talk is very exciting.

* "Internet". Also known as the Wide World Web. It's the hot new trend of the moment..apparently what it is is some kind of laser-powered globo-network comprised of mechanical brains that the kids use to digi-chat with one another. It's the new biggest thing in the tween sets. I just hope I pronounced it right. It's hard to explain. Try Google.

** I have no idea what these words actually mean. I just hear things and later find myself saying mystery words arbitrarily throughout my day like some kind of giant Man-Parrot. Take the word "arbitrarily" for instance. I probably overheard that in a library once and never learned what it meant, yet some how I'm not afraid or even ashamed to drop it like it's hot and bust it out in heated conversations like I'm Perry fucking Mason. Arbitrarily. What does that word even mean? Sounds like Arby's, now I'm hungry.

(thanks Caz!)