Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Please Lindsay, Eat!

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What is up with celebrities being so godamned skinny?!? Did we lose a war or something? These people make tons and tons of money, but look like they're starving. Doesn't make sense to me. Back in the olden times, being fat was a sign of wealth and prosperity. Not anymore. These days, if the paparazzi can't see your heart beating from ten feet away you aren't nearly fabulous enough for the Hollywood "It" list.

Now Lindsay Lohan is WICKED skinny. She used to be hot, but now she looks like a wet bird. I usually don't sign online petitions, but this one seemed very important. It's the "Please Lindsay, Eat!" petition. It says:

To: Lindsay

We urge you Lindsay to please, pick up a sandwich and eat it, or ice cream, or any food that might put those oh so cute pounds back on.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

I'm number 30,644. I hope she reads my message. I really am worried about her out of control lifestyle. I read on the internet that she dropkicked Herbie the Love Bug during one of her cocaine rages. Please. Do sign. By doing so you may help save Ms. Lohan from her 80 pound self. Red bull and marlboros are no kind of breakfast for a young growing girl.

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