Thursday, March 16, 2006

Deep Thoughts

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Found this collection of 400 0f Jack Handy's finest moments from SNL and his books...Here are some of my favorites:

#21: The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

#43: I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.

#60: The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.

#68: Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.

#75: I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.

#122: It's sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.

#244: He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection. I guess that's what I hated about him.

#253: I wonder if angels believe in ghosts.

#274: I bet for an Indian, shooting a old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun into the ground as she falls over, is like the top thing you can do.

#295: One thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse.

#319: Just as irrigation is the lifeblood of the Southwest, lifeblood is the soup of cannibals.

#330: If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting.

#395: If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it's gone, I think a good thing to do is to blame it on Santa Claus.

Check out all of them HERE..

(via Screenhead)

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