Friday, May 30, 2008

F*@k It, We'll Do it Live

I love the internets. They bring out the best in everyone, even a top-notch douchebag like Bill O'Reilly.



This one's got a more underground feel (and better video editing)



(cross-posted at Mantisounds)

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Picture Of The Day

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Speaking of monkeys rising up and killing humans..if that ever happens, this fucking cat will lead the charge. Look lady, enjoy those laughs while you can. Because Peppers is about to claw off your face and pee on your blouse. Just look at that guy. He's like a hackysack full of fur and hatred.

(via the totally boss MOKS)

When Robotic Simians Attack

And when the monkeys stop using their new found robot arms to eat marshmallows and instead use them to build bigger and better robot arms and eventually a entire army of robot monkey suits, I'll bet you dimes for dollars that this is the retro monkey suit style they come up with:


The only hope for humanity will be for scientists to invent a time machine, go back in time, and destroy science.

PS. Is that robot sporting an ammo belt of light sabers?

(via Kaiju blog)

(Monkeys + Robots) x Telekinesis = End of Human Race

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Do scientists not watch science fiction movies?!? Have we learned nothing from Skynet or the Army of the 12 Monkeys? Or Project X, for that matter? Did Charlton Heston teach us nothing about damn dirty apes turning the tables on us? Today it's monkey snacks and warm milk, tomorrow they're squeezing off rounds and programing our cars to crash and our vaccuums to rise up against their homo sapiens overlords with their banana-crazed, robot-controlling superbrains! Hell, if I was a monkey and you had me locked in a cage teaching me to move as one with my robot komrades, you better believe humans would taste the back of my aluminum alloy pimp hand as SOON as they turned away to jot down some notes on my "progress." Foolish humans...

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Picture Of The Day

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Summer is almost upon us, and I am working on my warrior hair. It's pretty long right now. Not Williamsburg hipster long, but it's getting there. It's long enough that I need to contain it. I'm a few inches away from looking like a Husky Thor. On windy days I look like fucking Leif Garrett. It's ridiculous. I'm at the point that I look like I lived in the woods for the last 4 months, so pretty soon I'll have to make the decision to cut it, or keep growing it. I so want to keep going strong. When I doubt myself, this picture is my inspiration.

Kirby Vs. Snoop Dogg

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Kirby is a small, spherical creature who is a denizen of Dream Land.

Snoop is a tall, human-shaped human who is a denizen of Long Beach, California.

Kirby can walk, run, jump, float, and inhale, spit out or devour his enemies.

Snoop adds "izzle" to the end of words, smokes the reefer, and drops it like it's hot.

Together they make hip-hop nerd magic. Evident in this triumphant mashup.




The Neptunes got nothing on the Japanese ritalin sniffers that programmed the Kirby joint. Nothing.

(via hiphop.videosift)

The Decline Of Western Civilization, Evidence No.837

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Stick your head out the window, aim it towards New York. Now listen carefully. If you're lucky you'll just be able to make out the sound of my hand punching myself in the face.

(via Yayhooray)

3 Things Involving Pac-Man

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Funny.

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Creepy.




Boss.

Stop-Motion Breakdance Battle

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Apparently this video is pumping up the jams inside the internetting tubes, and I can see why. Watch as these two clever people make a clever video with uber-clever stop motion technique, all while retaining a clever sense of humor..cleverly. The part where they start flying is totally Apeshit bananas cool. And clever. The dope DJ scratchyness helped to kept my attention. I wonder what the DJ's name is. My mind is swimming with different names, but I have to go with DJ Clever. (Man, that has a clever ring to it. )




Diablo 2003 "Starbuck"

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If I had alot of these I'd buy some of those flying bikes from the forest chase in Return Of The Jedi. I'd race them at my parents' house in the woods. It would be fucking fantastic. Come to think of it, I'd most likely hurt myself swiftly like I did when I tried skateboarding. Damn. I can totally see myself sitting on a lawn chair with a umbrella drink and leg casts scowling from the sidelines while my more athletic friends get to use them. Grrrr.

(via Diablo2003)

(*speaking of Star Wars, check out these Dope villain posters!)

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Picture Of The Day

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AKA Wayne Newton's Mexican cousin Miguel Newton. God this guy rocks. He looks like Newman from Seinfeld dressed as Magnum PI.
I can only imagine the photo shoot: Cocaine sandwiches, Pall Mall cigarettes, and lots of messy crying. Just look at that hair. You know he begged the photographer for the side shot so his fans could see the full magnitude of his beautiful afromullet. I thank them both from the bottom of my heart.

Russian Soliders Vs. Run DMC



Praises due to all things old-timey. Watch as these throwback Russian soldiers break out the crazy legs to "It's Like That". Damn they're good. These guys tore down the Iron Curtain, laid it down like cardboard and breakdanced on it. The guy at 1:40 looks like he's about to shoot into fucking the sky. Who said the army can't be fun?

(via Neatorama)

Gnarls Barkley - Going On



Feeling the song, feeling this video...

Best Weather Report Of All Time?



9 seconds of pure Irie. Arthur, you're phoning it in, but we still love you.

(via Mefi)

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Conan the Obvious



This commentary makes me think that Arnold should get his own reality show called "Look at That."

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Knight Rider: 1, Innocent man: 0

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Hasslehoffed.

(via JJ.am)

Caption This Photo

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My entry: Edgar Winter's Christmas Classics

Picture Of The Day

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Things this guy is saying with his expression:

"Free pie? Yesssssssssssssssss."

"Nice catch, no catch. Go back to JV, bro."

"Heck yes I watch Golden Girls! Who doesn't?"

One thing he's not saying:

"My name is Bradford and I'm proud to be the poster boy for seminal emmisions."

Some people who do anything to be famous. I guarantee you if he was alive today he would be eating horse balls on A Shot At Love 2 with Tila Tequila.

(via yayhooray)

Top 10 On-Camera Meltdowns

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This post from the monkey brethren at TBH had me laughing so damn hard..I wanted to find some clips of other TV meltdowns, and lo and behold Gawker had this sweet clip ripe for internet plucking and reposting. This has got some terrific old-school clips from back in the days when the news looked like it was filmed on cardboard. And make sure to wait to the end to see NY's own Sue Simmons drop the F bomb like it's hot. What what.



(via Gawker)

MacGyver Terrarium

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(via yayhooray)

Friday, May 09, 2008

5 Men in a Limo

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This is a short film with five famous voice-over guys from movie trailers saying things to each other all voiceovery, and it is something awesome to behold. It made me feel all watery in the head like the Unbeatable's post on the Mario guy. If I had a voice like that I'd narrate every waking moment of my life. It would be the most exciting description of monotony ever recorded.


Thursday, May 08, 2008

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

A M4H Dream Journal

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Ugh. I feel like a train full of screaming karate monkeys ran roughshod over me this last few days. I'm fighting this weird flu/allergies bug that is kicking my ass upside down and back around again. For those of you who don't know, I'm a dog walker. I'm outside all day. And now that spring is upon us, things have gotten intense. Mother Nature is like Osama Bin Laden and my face has been declared an infidel worthy of holy jihad. Jesus Christ I feel terrible. Central Park should be called watch-this-pollen-set-it-off-and-get-all-up-inside-your-grill-park. I sneeze loudly, which makes my dogs flinch, children wince, and old people crane their necks. I blow my nose, cough, and sneeze so much I feel like people are holding their breath walking beside me. I would too. I sound like I've got the fucking Bird Flu. I took Claritin which works pretty well but it makes me feel like a robot is living inside my head controlling my actions with small intricate gears.

So in an attempt to find something to write about, I thought I'd describe this strange dream I had last night via some pictures I found for your amusement. Here goes.


I started off the dream flying. It was wicked. That went on for a while.

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Then all of the sudden I was walking in the zoo.

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Mr. Ronnie James Dio was there.

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So was Jim Kelly.

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We had a riveted discussion about how Hip-Hop sucks and how cool it used to be.


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We also talked about how worried we are about Tom Cruise.


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Then Ronnie talked about guns. He tried to convince me to get one just to "feel the power" of it. (Apparently he really likes them.) I told him that I respected him, and that "Holy Diver" was a totally boss song, but that he was sounding pretty crazy and to cool it. He said he was sorry. I forgave him quickly because he's Ronnie fucking Dio.


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Jim, Ronnie and I enjoyed all the animals, but our favorites were definitely the birds and monkeys.


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We saw the bears. They were huge and awesome. Yet something was evil in the air.
The beasts were edgy.

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Something happened. They began to chase us. I screamed like a little girl.


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Ronnie and Jim got into an argument over who would be the hero to save us from the bears which escalated into a full blown wrestling match.

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Jim won. (He used the karate.) He then used the karate on the bears. (He won again.)


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All in all, we had a fun day. Somehow I got wicked sunburned.


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Then we all went to my house and watched breakdancing videos.



The End.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Remixing the Nonsense

Finding this video was like winning a free ticket to Awesometown.



Thank you, rx, for sharing your genius with the world. You managed to make me smile, laugh, feel inspired, and encouraged by the words of G. W. Bush. The lemons become lemonade.

Now that I think about it, there was one other time he made me laugh.