Ugh. I feel like a train full of screaming karate monkeys ran roughshod over me this last few days. I'm fighting this weird flu/allergies bug that is kicking my ass upside down and back around again. For those of you who don't know, I'm a dog walker. I'm outside all day. And now that spring is upon us, things have gotten intense. Mother Nature is like Osama Bin Laden and my face has been declared an infidel worthy of holy jihad. Jesus Christ I feel terrible. Central Park should be called watch-this-pollen-set-it-off-and-get-all-up-inside-your-grill-park. I sneeze loudly, which makes my dogs flinch, children wince, and old people crane their necks. I blow my nose, cough, and sneeze so much I feel like people are holding their breath walking beside me. I would too. I sound like I've got the fucking Bird Flu. I took Claritin which works pretty well but it makes me feel like a robot is living inside my head controlling my actions with small intricate gears.
So in an attempt to find something to write about, I thought I'd describe this strange dream I had last night via some pictures I found for your amusement. Here goes.
I started off the dream flying. It was wicked. That went on for a while.
Then all of the sudden I was walking in the zoo.
Mr. Ronnie James Dio was there.
So was Jim Kelly.
We had a riveted discussion about how Hip-Hop sucks and how cool it used to be.
We also talked about how worried we are about Tom Cruise.
Then Ronnie talked about guns. He tried to convince me to get one just to "feel the power" of it. (Apparently he really likes them.) I told him that I respected him, and that "Holy Diver" was a totally boss song, but that he was sounding pretty crazy and to cool it. He said he was sorry. I forgave him quickly because he's Ronnie fucking Dio.
Jim, Ronnie and I enjoyed all the animals, but our favorites were definitely the birds and monkeys.
We saw the bears. They were huge and awesome. Yet something was evil in the air. The beasts were edgy.
Something happened. They began to chase us. I screamed like a little girl.
Ronnie and Jim got into an argument over who would be the hero to save us from the bears which escalated into a full blown wrestling match.
Jim won. (He used the karate.) He then used the karate on the bears. (He won again.)
All in all, we had a fun day. Somehow I got wicked sunburned.
Then we all went to my house and watched breakdancing videos.
The End.
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