Mugshot Battle!

Today is a somber day, and if you're here you probably don't want to deal with the 9/11 memorial madness sweeping the net/tv/papers/minds of every person in the world..Instead, help me figure out who has the best mughsot. And out of respect for 9/11, I threw in a few terrorists just for fun. Just because they hate our infidel asses doesn't mean we can't laugh at their ridiculous appearances. So, cast your votes and help me decide..

who's mugshot reigns supreme?

#1: Nick Nolte

I'm too lazy to read the backstory on this, but I bet it has something to do with binge drinking-induced sleep deprivation and swinging wildly at invisible air demons. He looks like the nazi who chose the wrong grail cup in Indy 3. In a Hawaiian shirt.

#2: James Trafficant

You may remember Mr. Trafficant from our previous Hair Battle last year. I remember him as that guy who looks like a shaved silver back Gorilla. It's so amazing how bad hair can make anything fantastic. It looks like the mashed potato mountain Richard Dreyfuss sculpts in Close Encounters.

#3: Ali Saleh Kahlah al-Marri

Al-Marri's case is complicated. Supposedly connected to terrorism, he is curently on perpetual lock down courtesy of Uncle Sam. But who cares about the details. He's clearly a enemy combatant fighting a holy war on good taste. If Bin Laden wants to blow up a Dokken concert, he should send this guy. The "business in front, jihad in the back" ape drape could not be more perfect.

#4: James Brown

Money is wasted on people with no sense of creativity. I would spend my hypothetical untold millions to see a drunken bum fight between JB and Nick Nolte. The shit would be better than Harry Potter vs. Voldermort. What a cryptic smile. James Brown: Mona Lisa of the drunk tank.

#5: Khalid Shaikh Mohammed

Although not technically a mugshot, this has got to be one of the best photographs of the decade. It's pretty obvious the Swat team didn't let Khalid sleep in. Call me a conspiracy buff, but I find it hard to believe that Ron Jeremy is the mastermind of the 9/11 attacks. And you'd think that with that amount of body hair someone would have dipped into the Al qaeda petty cash and sprung for some electrolysis. He looks like a Wario Chia Pet.

#6: Patrick Tribbett

Finally, what kind of competition would this be without the Golden boy of mugshots. Mr. Tribbett was caught in front of a Bellaire, Ohio store trying to buy more paint and keep the party moving. Pat's just a regular guy. He puts his pants on every morning just like the rest of us. Except instead of coffee and Regis, he huffs spraypaint. But before you judge, realize that the man is clearly a fucking champion. Noone remembers the name of the guy who got caught huffing silver.

So there you have it, folks. Cast your votes! Let the battle begin...