Saturday, December 15, 2007

Wood: 1, Giant Douche Bag: 0


I suck at some things alot. For instance, I'm probably at the mathematical skill level of a toddler. And not just any toddler. A toddler that eats paint chips and lives under industrial power lines. I use my cell phone calculator more than my actual phone. I still count with my fingers like a little kid. It's pretty god damn embarrassing. I also feel that the many features of my cell phone are slowly making me retarded. But I'm getting off topic.

What I wanted to talk about was sucking. Now as I am to math, the gentleman you are about to see is to the martial arts. I went to a karate birthday party when I was like 11 and I wasn't this bad. He fucking sucks. He really couldn't be more unbelievably awful at breaking boards. And the reason I think that this is truly genius television is because we might be witnessing the single most embarrassing moment of his entire life. Watch and see.

But in the end, you really can't help but admire his dedication. This guy gets an A for effort. I can just see him cruising in his Mom's Ford Taurus with his homeboys rocking his superfresh mixptapes till the speakers distort. Besides his daily regiment of Madonna and Bon Jovi, he also enjoys Europe's "The Final Countdown", "Push It To The Limit" from Scarface, "You're The Best Around" from Karate Kid, and the smoking techno soundtrack of Mortal Kombat: the movie. It takes powerful songs to get him pumped up to go to karatetown. But let's not kid ourselves. In order to walk along the razor's edge, you can't look down. You just gotta keep your head..or you'll be finished.


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