Mondays are Pure Evil (Tuesday Edition)

(artwork via monavx)

Last night I settled in to post some brutally hilarious black metal for you all, when I discovered that my computer has been infected with a malware trojan virus...That's hijacked my Google and redirects all my search results to bullshit shopping websites...And deleted two of my more recent posts here on the webinet...And blocks my ability to restore the system to restore points in the past, no matter how many times I hit 89.9 miles per hour...And makes my illegal mp3 downloading unbearably slow.


Thankfully I've got my trusty MacBook, so I won't miss a beat per minute. And once Mrs. Mantis and I upgrade to our new hive this weekend, and I'm settled in, I'm going to hunt down that virus and choke it to death with my bare hands...

...which reminds me, have you heard the new Satanic Corpse? Inspirational. Feel-Good LP of the Year. Play it for your Nanna. Grandparents will especially enjoy "Agony and Death Necrotizing the Bone," and I'd recommend "Comfort in the Darkness (Retreat from the Writhing Pain)" for weddings and bar mitzvahs. Blackmetal.com describes this surefire crowd-pleaser as "A brutally grim mix of raw obscure darkness and Blackened ritual incantations featuring neo-classical keyboards, grinding Thrash guitars, blasting rhythm-machine, and an unholy variety of vocal ranges including orthodox Black Metal screech, Deathish growls, solemn intonations, epic chorale, or strange gothic opera, and funereal lamentations. The songs are mesmerizing in their overall chaotic unpredictability, and utterly cult Satanic atmosphere. Recommended only for truly adventurous diehards craving deeply Satanic music. Devilishly delirious and deliciously Demonic!"


I have also been meditating to the dulcid sounds of Kratornas, the Jonas Brothers of black metal, on the Infection/Fudgeworthy label (love their holiday promo cd, btw). The new 7" is called "Hallow Ground Destruction," and it is so bad ass that it even butchers the English language on its campaign of literary carnage. The special edition picture vinyl, seen left, makes a striking stocking stuffer or Hanukka gift. Blackmetal.com describes Kratornas thusly: "High-density grinding Thrashing Black Metal darkness and deathish brutality from the Philippines; in the chaotic and cruel, noisy vein of GOATPENIS, LUST (Canada), ENBILULUGUGAL, and BOTULISTUM." Shit. I love ANYTHING in the vein of Goatpenis!


(cross-posted at Mantisounds, your home for demotivational posters, stencils, and face-melting dance music)