Satan is a Dentist

I went to the Dentist today and had an awesome time! Just kidding. It was the worst. It's always the worst. There's nothing like a stranger putting her gloved hands in your mouth poking around the inside of your head with demon tools to make you question the existence of God.

Why is that? Why is going to the Dentist such a consistently horrible experience? And why do I have to listen to Pat Benetar while someone tooth rapes me? And what's up with Science? We have robots on Mars and unmanned attack drones bombing cities we can't pronounce, and dentistry is still in the fucking stone age. Why haven't the science wizards come up with some mouthwash or toothpaste that fixes everything? I seriously want Pfizer to make a pill so all my teeth fall out, then I could get dentures so I never have to go to that horrible place again. And the BEST PART is I have to get my wisdom teeth pulled, which I hear is totally radical mouth party not to be missed. I can't wait!

I've never been under the knife, and am so not comfortable with needles or drills. They might have to strap me down, or I might just kick the tooth scraping lady in the baby maker...Damn evil dentists...