Picture Of The Day

Happy 4th of July Weekend, everyone!

I plan on spending some time outdoors...

maybe do some dancing..

And try my hardest to avoid being punched in the balls...

Peace!

Benny Hinn is Crazy

I used to watch Benny Hinn alot back in the day when I had no cable. I love his ridiculous comb over/pompadour and lack of English ability, but mostly I love his "healings". He really seems to enjoy throwing people on the ground, and I admire his passion. Sure, he's completely shady, but how can you not love a guy who slaps people with a jacket in the name of Jesus? I remember a time when televangalists used to lay their hands on people before they stole their money. Talk about phoning it in.

Digg Drop

This one is for the cartoon fans..Digg Drop is a huge list of cartoons available on Youtube. Tons of stuff here..from Aqua Teen Hunger Force to South Park to Silverhawks, there are alot of links to go through. I had Transformers on the brain, so here's my favorite so far.."Starscream's Ghost":

Check out the whole list HERE. And check out his Anime list HERE.

Laser Dance

This is the scene from Ocean's 12 where that French guy does the crazy capoeira in the laser field. I just like it because the song makes my synapses fire like a methed up truck driver. Wicked.

Scientology Orientation Tape

I, like most sane humans, am wicked creeped out by Scientology. I could go on and on about L. Ron Hubbard and his global money pyramid of godless evil, but instead you should just watch this 35 minute orientation tape. This is 1 in a series of 10, but the other 9 got pulled off Youtube by the Hubbardites, so you'll have to watch this one and imagine how evil the others are. It doesn't matter, this one has plenty of crazy to go around. I personally achieved total mind liquidation in the opening asteroid scene. It's worth watching if just for the cameos by Issac Hayes, Kirstie Alley, and John Travolta..

*update* Hubbard's clone army took down the Google video link..Download the whole file HERE..

American Ape

Guess what? Today I was officially sworn in as a US citizen! Woohah! Now I can finally start slandering the government with reckless impunity. Just kidding..I'm actually pretty psyched about being American. They even gave me a little flag that I waved furiously throughout the entire ceremony. It was well worth the months of red tape and thousands of dollars spent on legal fees.

So crack a beer for me, fellow Americans. (If not for that reason, do it because it's my birthday tomorrow. Yep, I'm an old bastard. But now I'm an old American bastard.)

In light of my patriotic day, check out this video of Jimi playing the Star Spangled Banner at Woodstock...So friggin sweet. They just don't make patriots like that anymore.

(via Screenhead)

Picture Of The Day

This is exactly what my coffin will look like. Except mine will fly day and night, terrorizing towns and villages with high decibel electro music. Boom.

(Via Karate Party)

Japanese Trap Door Gameshow

Oh dear God I love trap doors. This is a Japanese show where people apparently imitate famous celebrities..oh who cares! There's a godamned trap door in it! This is so perfect I feel broken inside.

(via TV in Japan)

He-Man Vs The Big Lebowski

I'm convinced if you put He-man video to anything it becomes more awesome by leaps and bounds. Take for instance this video. Classic scenes from the Big Lebowski acted out by Skeletor and the Grayskull posse. The best part is the total inconsistency of characters LOL...Skeletor makes a wicked nihilist!

(via Boing Boing)

Super Mario Room

Some nintendo fan pimped her room out mario-style complete with real tubes and jump boxes..so awesome. I want to live a lifetime of lonely nerdery within these walls...

(click pic for more!)

Camo Octopus

The ocean is filled with strange things. And in a place filled with oddities, octopuses are the biggest weirdos of all. There's a reason the imagineers at Disney never made a cute character out of one. Because they can't. They're too fucking weird. Seriously. Just watch this video and tell me this thing isn't descendant from extraterrestrials.

(via Gorillamask)

Gumball Hummer

Artist Heidi Heiss's "Sugar Coated" was designed to "comment on pop culture and [remind] us of soldiers handing candy to children in far-flung countries at war with us". In short: War sucks. Gumballs are cool. I like the purple ones. They make the inside of my mouth look like an alien's. Check out Heidi's site HERE.

(via Neatorama)

Picture Of The Day

There are few things more reliable than the subliminal perversion of comic book writers.

Online Sleep Machine

I used to have a sleep machine that sounded like this..it worked so well...a little too well, actually. Now I can't fall asleep without some kind of sound in my room. Oh well, this is great for meditation, or just imagining you are somewhere outside the concrete urban deathmaze if just for a brief moment...

(Click pic for machine!)

Minor League Freakout

Every time I go to a ball game I want to see one of two things: A bench clearing brawl or a manager freaking the fuck out in a speed/steroid induced tantrum. I'm pretty sure this guy has a bone to pick with the umpire, I could be wrong.

Zoomorphic Calligraphy

This is a wicked cool collection of artist works that take words and makes them look like animals. In smart guy terms: a collection of anthropomorphic and zoomorphic calligraphy. Enjoy.

(click pic for more!)

Pickle Phobia

I hate pickles. Always have. I also have some unusual fears. But this lady is morbidly afraid of pickles. Seriously. Watch as the always exploitive Maury Povich scares the poop out of her by taking her to a pickle factory and ...chasing her with a plate of pickles. What a mega-douche.

Picture Of The Day

Warning: Sex with Catherine Zeta-Jones may result in Muppet face.

(via Thighs Wide Shut)

Blue Velvet gets owned

My new favorite show is "America's Got Talent". It's basically an updated version of the Gong Show, but with less talent. It's got it all; 80 year old strippers, rapping grandmas, Regis, oh yeah..and David Hasslehoff.

This is a clip of the best moment in the show last night BY FAR..

E-Bay non sequiturs

I don't use E-Bay, but I love reading the comments users leave about each other. Some dude named Andy46477 decided to leave lots and lots of non-sensical messages for other users on the site, and some are pretty funny. Here are some I liked :

-Say hello to Barbara for me. I've been watching her at night.

-I bet when you were born, you sold something right away. You're SUPERB!

-I love to sit here for hours and just count my balls over and over.

-I was staring. You are majestic. You could be a lion and walk in tall grass.

-My pet alligator is eating the crap you sold me. I hope you both encrustulate.

-My friend's mommy told me what Chocha means in Spanish. Then she showed me. A++!

Check the rest out HERE

Japanese Wake Ups

This is a clip from a very hillarious/cruel show from Japan where the hosts wake up people in extreme ways. Explosives, machine guns, and waterslides+sleeping people=television perfection.

Donald Rumsfeld Causes Migraines

"There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know." - Donald Rumsfeld

Wade Blasingame

Will Ferrell at his absolute best playing a lawyer that sues dogs..the scar on his face is a nice touch.

Picture Of The Day

Poor Mccaulay. They never should have left him home alone.

Ricky Gervais Meets Larry David

Ricky Gervais sits down with Larry David to talk about their philosophies on comedy. IMO these are two of the funniest people on Earth, and it's great watching them talk shop. Note: language NSFW.

This is part 1of a 5 part series...Check out the rest: Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5..

Super Paintball Nerd

One of the main reasons I never play paintball is because of the people who take it way to seriously. I would hate to go drop 40 bucks just to have some nerd in a camo hammock hanging from a tree light me up from a quarter mile away. So who are these nerds, you ask? People like this guy:

Jesus Christ. I am so not ready for "The Defender". A whole new breed of paintball dork has just been spawned. Check out more pics HERE.

Bush- Sunday, Bloody Sunday

Someone put together this clip of Dubya singing "Sunday, Bloody Sunday" by U2. It must have taken forever to make this, for that reason alone it's worth checking out..

Tailing a monkey man in search of healing powers

KOLKATA (Reuters) - Thousands of people are flocking to an impoverished Indian village in eastern West Bengal state to worship a man they believe possesses divine powers because he climbs up trees in seconds, gobbles up bananas and has a "tail."

Devotees say 27-year-old villager Chandre Oraon is an incarnation of the Hindu monkey god Hanuman -- worshipped by millions as a symbol of physical strength, perseverance and devotion.

"He climbs up trees, behaves like a monkey and is a strict vegetarian, but he is no god and his condition is just a congenital defect," says Bhushan Chakraborty, the local medical officer.

Tucked away in a hamlet in Banarhat, over 400 miles north of Kolkata, the state capital, devotees wait for hours to see or touch Oraon's 13-inch tail, believing that it has healing powers.

Doctors said the "tail" -- made up of some flesh but mostly of dark hair -- was simply a rare physical attribute.

"It is a congenital anomaly, but very rarely do we find such cases," B. Ramana, a Kolkata-based surgeon, told Reuters.

Picture Of The Day

Now here's a team I can get behind.

Daft Punk Interview

This is a fucking fantastic interview with Thomas Bangalter and Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo, BKA Daft Punk. In it they talk about their music and how they formed, but more importantly they showcase their unbelievable super cool robot masks. I want to be filthy rich like them just so I can have bright flashy shiny things on my head. Call it a dream.

(via TV in Japan)

Chalkboard Manga

Somewhere many, many miles from here, a really fantastic awesome person did a basketball themed manga on a godamned chalkboard. If this isn't the coolest thing you've seen all day, I'm definetely not doing my job right.

(Click pic for gallery!)

South Park Episodes Online

This site has seasons 1-10 of South Park you can watch streaming for free. Every episode for free! God bless the internet. Check it out HERE.

Never Ending Story Van

This is a van that pays homage to "The Never Ending Story" via sweet airbrushing. Check this bad boy out:

Now I thought it was pretty cool until i saw this shot..

WTF? Are those stuffed animals? Jesus, that's sketchy. He might as well have sprayed the logo for NAMBLA on the side of the van. Baby petter much?

Check the rest of the pics out HERE..

Fantastic Planet Redux

Lots of TV/movies freaked me out as a child...I remember watching those bug things in the the Dark Crystal and totally losing my shit. I had an uncomfortable fascination with the Sleestak aliens in Land of The Lost, and still feel weird when I see them. And when Andre the Giant turned evil via Bobby The Brain Heenan, it felt like losing a brother.

Clearly my parents let me watch too much tv as a kid. (Come to think of it, where the hell were they?) But this cartoon really made me feel weird, and I had forgotten all about it until coming across it today. Rene Laloux's 1973 toon movie Planete sauvage (aka Fantastic Planet). It's been updated with a new soundtrack, but it's still as fucking weird as ever. Enjoy.

(Via Screenhead)

Picture Of The Day

Please just read the description..Ultimate fashion climax? Wow.

Lord Of The Rings--The Moan Remix

Hard to explain, just watch..this is so hillarious!

The Rudiments Of Wisdom

Tim Hunkin trained as an engineer, but then became a cartoonist, drawing the Rudiments of Wisdom for the Observer newspaper for 14 years. These are basically funny little cartoons explaining interesting random facts..Being semi-illiterate I must say I really love these. Like this gem:

(click pic for more!)

Picture Of The Day

"My Lord, thank you for blessing me...with a mind to rhyme and two hyped feet...It feels good when I know you're down...A superdope home boy from the Oak-town."-MC Hammer

Japanese Spiderman-Again!

I can't get enough Japanese Spiderman, and I'm glad there is more ridiculousness to share with you all since the last clip I posted. The more I see this show, the more I think Tobey McGuire is lazy. He's all CGI and wire work. All Japanese Spidey needs is a trampoline and some raw kung fu power. He doesn't need nerds with laptops to be a hero. All he needs is skills.

If you're like me, than you are probably wondering if there any giant robots in it.. The answer is a glorious yes.

(via TV in Japan)

The Best of Ronaldinho

Some might be surprised to know I'm Brazilian. Yep, its true. I may sound like an obnoxious American, but I'm actually just obnoxious.

I usually give two shits about sports, but come World Cup, I go into fairweather fan mode and get ready to watch the boys in yellow monkey stomp the crap out rest of the world in soccer. So Brazil plays Croatia today...I don't know how good they are, but I know for damn sure they don't have someone as fucking unbelievable as Ronaldinho. Watch this clip of his best moves....it makes me want to drink a bucket of Capirinha and bicycle kick myself in the face.

Borat The Movie Trailer

The trailer is finally here! Dear lord this movie is going to fucking OWN when it comes out. I cannot wait!

(via Thighs Wide Shut)

Tuesday WTF's

Judge Orders 'Rock-Paper-Scissors' To Settle Dispute

TAMPA, Fla. -- A federal judge, miffed at the inability of opposing attorneys to agree on even the slightest details of a lawsuit, ordered them to settle their latest dispute the old fashioned way -- with a game of "rock paper scissors."

In an order signed Tuesday, U.S. District Judge Gregory Presnell scolded lawyers for their inability to agree on a location where they can take the sworn statement of a witness in an insurance lawsuit.

Presnell ordered both sides to meet at a neutral location at 4 p.m. June 30 to play a round of the hand-gesture game often used to settle childhood disputes. If they can't agree on the neutral location, they'll play on the steps of the federal courthouse.

The winner gets to choose the location for the witness statement.

"We're going to have to do it," said David Pettinato, lead attorney for the plaintiff, Avista Management. "I guess I'd better bone up on rock paper scissors rules."

If the loser disputes the game's outcome, that lawyer can appeal to the judge at a hearing on July 7.

Rock paper scissors has become serious competitive business in recent years, with regional tournaments determining the players in a world championship.

Last year officials of the auction houses Christie's and Sotheby's engaged in a game of rock paper scissors to decide who would get to sell a $17.8 million collection of art offered by a Japanese electronics company. Christie's won. (via)

**That article made me remember this clip from Japanese TV..RPS has never been more intense!

Video Game Doc Circa 1972

If you have 45 minutes to kill, this is a sweet documentary on the history of video games. Perfect for those of you taking an indoor office lunch. Or the unemployed, sun fearing shut-ins like yours truly.

(Via WMMNA)

Picture Of The Day

That little girl totally has the right idea. I would eat my own arms off to escape that demon's clutches.

Die Hard: The Ballad of John McClane

The people over at Team Tiger Awesome put together a a sweet Old Timey version of Die Hard. From the site: "It's Christmas, 1924, and young Manhattanite John McClane visits olde Los Angeles towne to see his wife and enjoy yultide splendor. However, a few ne'er-do-wells have plans of their own, and C4." Comes complete with sweet ass make-you-feel-crazy piano music. Brilliant.

Top 87 Bad Predictions about the Future

I often have incredibly stupid thoughts, but I try to keep them inside. And I try and make it a point to never speak in absolutes. That way noone will be able to call you on being a total retard. Wow, some of these people really missed the mark. Check some of these out:

"That virus is a pussycat."-- Dr. Peter Duesberg, molecular-biology professor at U.C. Berkeley, on HIV, 1988.

"...good enough for our transatlantic friends ... but unworthy of the attention of practical or scientific men." -- British Parliamentary Committee, referring to Edison's light bulb, 1878.

"A rocket will never be able to leave the Earth's atmosphere."--New York Times, 1936.

"The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not. We have plenty of messenger boys."---Sir William Preece, Chief Engineer, British Post Office, 1878.

"Remote shopping, while entirely feasible, will flop - because women like to get out of the house, like to handle merchandise, like to be able to change their minds." --TIME, 1966, in one sentence writing off e-commerce long before anyone had ever heard of it.

"Radio has no future."--Lord Kelvin, Scottish mathematician and physicist, former president of the Royal Society, 1897.

The phonograph has no commercial value at all." --Thomas Edison, American inventor, 1880s.

Freaking idiots. Check the rest out HERE.

Chimp Talk Show Host Cops Feel

You read that right. I guess you have to be either Issaac Mizrahi or a godamned monkey to get away with this type of shenanigans. Just imagine what a gay monkey could get away with.

(via TV in Japan)

Matrix Car

I liked the matrix, but this guy really likes the matrix. Awesome airbrushing. I would have included some flying killer robots, but that's just the sad nerd in me talking.

(Click pic for gallery!)

(via Look At This)

Nice kick

I've been infected with World Cup fever. Poor USA, maybe next time. Go Brazil!!

Picture Of The Day

Choose wisely, Lisa. Sith lords are not to be trifled with.

The World of Tom Vu

Those close to me know that informercials are like sweet candy for my soul. All I can say is thank the late night TV gods for Tommy Vu. If there was an emperor of make money fast scams, Tom Vu would be a prime candidate if it wasn't for his incredible lack of English skills. I can't even begin to say how much I've learned from this man..For example, he is the one that taught me that the wealthy enjoy fantastic luxuries such as playing Backgammon with bikini clad women:

But most importantly, he showed me that all the people trying to keep me down are losers, and that being a millionare is paramount in life. I can only hope that one day I too have a "waterfall" in front of my estate. Long Live Tommy Vu.

Throw Away Your TV

The internet is fantastic. First porn, now free TV. Like watching Napoleon Dynamite for the 15th time, it just keeps getting better and better.

The wizards at Throw Away Your TV have put together a terrific collection of shows and clips available to watch for free. I didn't spend much time searching because I have the mind of a dim distractable child, but it seems like they have hundreds of videos ranging from the Daily Show to Exploding Whales. Check it out HERE..

(via Linkfilter)

Hoff- Secret Agent Man

Is it just me, or is the Hoff making a comeback these days? First he lands a cameo in Spongebob, now he's in an Adam Sandler movie and American Idol. I guess the world is finally realizing that the Hoff cannot be stopped. He's like a boulder of pure talent, teeth, and hairspray barrelling down the Hollywood Hills. It's scientifically proven that you can't stop a Hoff once it awakens from its slumber, you can only hope to contain it. It's on the internet. Look it up.

Anyway, this video is something special. Hoff really goes for it. Watch for the high kicks during the chorus. Glorious. I'd like to see Fall Out Boy try that in a tux. I think he secretly wanted to be the next 007 by the looks of it. Fuck Bond, he would play a perfect Nazi villain if only the fat cats in Hollywood could see it. He's already got millions of Germans behind him.

Top 10 coolest BBQ Grills

Mmmm, I love me some Barbeque. I could eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Check out this gallery of strange and unusual grills, there are some really creative ones in here. Tell me, is there anything more American than a Barbeque shaped like a six-shoooter?

(Click pic for gallery!)

SNL: Men's Synchronized Swimming

This is early proof of Christopher Guest's genius. And Martin Short has never been more brilliant as a semi-retarded swimmer. "Hey you, I know you!" ROFL.

Paintings of Famous Movie Scenes

This is a gallery of cool paintings from famous (and some not-so famous) movies like Robocop, Clockwork Orange, and Gremlins. I don't know some of them, but I do know that this rendition of Sloth is glorious gorgeousity.

(Click pic for gallery!)

Not The Babies Daddy

Sorry for the lack of monkey action today, Blogger totally crapped the bed..But now it works, and if I wasn't so damn lazy I'd jump around like this guy. More tomorrow...

Fantastic and Supernatural Gallery

Cornel University library put together this awesome site that documents images from all kinds of art and fiction from back in the day. Sections include Angels & Demons, Danse Macabre, Weird Science, Possession & Insanity, and Fantastic Space. There are some great Devil desktops that are perfect for celebrating a belated Satan day. Personally, I'm a huge fan of "Monkey in Zubaz Kills Lenin With a Rock"..

(Click Pic for gallery!)

(via BoingBoing)

Burn Hollywood, Burn

Last night I watched The Fabulous life of Brad and Angelina's Baby on E! at my boy Toby's house, and now I truly know there is no God. Holy Christ I hate celebrity. The simple fact that a fucking newborn baby has her own TV special makes me want to put a gun inside my mouth and paint the walls with my infected brain. But what really got me fired up was this abomination:

This my friends is a $17,000 diamond pacifier that was given as a gift to Brangelina celebrating their new baby girl Shiloh. I guess the good folks over at It's My Binky decided that sending a 17 thousand dollar gift to multi-millionares was the right thing to do. It's really nice to know that something that can't even walk or talk will be slobbering on something worth more than some people's annual salary. I'm keeping an eye on this Shiloh kid. I'm willing to bet dollars to donuts that she is the antichrist. My prediction is she will marry Britney's kid and create a new breed of hellspawn even more evil than their parents. And Brangelina's adopted kids can be the horsemen of the Apocalypse. Just think of how great the made for tv movie will be.

Well I've got good news for all you hollywood sycophants! I'm recently suicidal! So please send me a jewel-encrusted 44-Magnum so I no longer have to live in a world where fucking babies have fucking diamonds inside their fucking mouths. Yeesh.