Burn Hollywood, Burn

Last night I watched The Fabulous life of Brad and Angelina's Baby on E! at my boy Toby's house, and now I truly know there is no God. Holy Christ I hate celebrity. The simple fact that a fucking newborn baby has her own TV special makes me want to put a gun inside my mouth and paint the walls with my infected brain. But what really got me fired up was this abomination:

This my friends is a $17,000 diamond pacifier that was given as a gift to Brangelina celebrating their new baby girl Shiloh. I guess the good folks over at It's My Binky decided that sending a 17 thousand dollar gift to multi-millionares was the right thing to do. It's really nice to know that something that can't even walk or talk will be slobbering on something worth more than some people's annual salary. I'm keeping an eye on this Shiloh kid. I'm willing to bet dollars to donuts that she is the antichrist. My prediction is she will marry Britney's kid and create a new breed of hellspawn even more evil than their parents. And Brangelina's adopted kids can be the horsemen of the Apocalypse. Just think of how great the made for tv movie will be.

Well I've got good news for all you hollywood sycophants! I'm recently suicidal! So please send me a jewel-encrusted 44-Magnum so I no longer have to live in a world where fucking babies have fucking diamonds inside their fucking mouths. Yeesh.