Thursday, July 05, 2007

Transformers: The M4H Movie Review


Ok. So I caught Michael Bay's new nerdgasmic destructofest Transformers the other night, and gotta say..I fucking loved it. It didn't shock me that I liked it..I am more than easily entertained. What surprised me was how much better it was than I expected.

The plot: This kid gets a car from Bernie Mac which turns out to be a giant fucking robot. Said giant fucking robot instant messages his giant fucking robot posse in outer space who promptly come to Earth to find their lost thing that looks like a Borg Spaceship (google it, non-nerds) to make sure it doesn't fall into the hands of other more evil giant fucking robots. Some stuff happens with jokey jokes, hackers, and a hot girl, then Megatron wakes up and decides to be a totally boss, evil robot badass. Starscream shows up, and I squeal like a nerd pig. Then the giant fucking robots on both sides have a giant fucking super fight in downtown Los Angeles where they bring the ruckus and wreck fucking house till my eyes start to bleed from seeing too much awesomeness . The end. If you squint and imagine a trillion dollar cocaine-fueled CGI budget, it looks alot like this:


So to sum it up, here are the reasons to go see it:

1: There are giant fucking robots in it.
2: Those robots are really fucking awesome, even when being gay.
3: More things explode than ever before.
Even the explosions explode.
4: Optimus Prime is voiced by the original cartoon actor, who sounds like Jesus if he came back as a 20 foot alien Mack Truck.
5: Autobots: Boss.
6: Decepticons: Uber-Boss.
7: There is going to be a sequel.
8: See reason #1, and say it to yourself 20 more times.

Please, feed Michael Bay's cocaine habit so he can make more of these. And don't believe the naysayers. They must have a problem with giant robots who fight, party,
and wrap fanboy brains in awesomeness for 2 hours. Clearly they hate freedom.


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